Howdy, folks. You may remember me from previous relationship threads as this one . Well, a few months later, after picking up the pieces and finding my feet again, I am once again presented with a possibility of beginning a new relationship in the foreseeable near future (she seems to adore the hell out of me, and I’m beginning to feel the same). However here’s the kicker: midst the madness and the mayhem of getting over that last one, I did a crazy thing and applied for the Peace Corps. They just contacted me back yesterday, much to my delight. I do not want to pass this up. I only get to have this kind of opportunity once in my life.
So, my question for the Teeming Millions is: should I enter into this relationship with the both of us knowing from the get-go that there’s a definite end date in sight? If all goes well, I might be shipping out about a year and a half from now, and can’t imagine how this potential romance could keep going when I’m halfway around the world and not coming back for two years. There is a definite chance with this lady, and a person wiser than I am told me that we always regret the relationships we didn’t pursue more than the ones we did.
However, speaking as a person who’s been on the receiving end of what I may have to do for myself — namely, having been broken up with because my then-SO left for another country for a year — I am wondering about the wisdom of this course of action. Should I pass on this relationship and remain single (I’m not into the casual one-night stand scene, or else I’d have no dilemma here), or should I go ahead and do it, and conduct myself with perfect honesty up front?
When you haven’t even dated yet, it is a little premature to be worrying about what will happen a year and a half into the relationship.
Give it a try and see what happens. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder “what if” (whereas if you try it and end up breaking up for totally unrelated reasons you’ll at least know)
Yeah do it. If it’s really good you will work through the distance issues when they arise. If it’s not quite that good then you end up with fond memories of a “summer of love.”
Well, explain it to her and you both decide whether it’s better to have a slice of cake than no cake or, since you can’t have the whole cake, you’d rather have none.
I’d be pretty mad if something like that blindsided me, but knowing that there is a highly-likely end date is not really a problem, for me.
One of my favourite relationships was one where we both knew his visa would expire within the year.
As long as you *both *go into this with *all *the relevant information, it could be great.
Of course, either one of you could spin out about your departure as it gets closer to the fact - people are weird like that. The relationship I mentioned above ended kind of like that. He got all bent out of shape because he thought I should have been more upset that he was really going to leave. I still enjoyed it - for exactly what it was, a short term, honest, fling.
I’ve been in a relationship like this, where he was relocating and neither of us was interested in a LDR.
We had some lovely months together, but we both knew where we stood. It was clear at all times that the relationship wasn’t going to continue once he left. We had several long conversations about it, and it worked out for both of us.
I’m only hesitant about this because I was clobbered by this in my last relationship. My then-girlfriend had left to study abroad, and we thought we would keep up a LDR the entire time (a full year), but it turned out to be a huge fiasco and ended in flames for me, but not so much for her — turns out she had been seeing another guy over there in my absence. :rolleyes:
My potential romantic interest can’t come with me; she’s got a brilliant career waiting for her here after she graduates, and I don’t want to clip her wings and drag her along for my own adventures in the developing world. We both have different things we want out of life, but there’s still something there. But since she knows about this well in advance (and in fact, she’s pretty excited for me), there shouldn’t be a problem if we keep up honest communication and maintain no illusions.
People say I overanalyze this kind of thing anyways. Thanks for the input, everyone!
I had a relationship like this once. I was a senior, she was a freshman. It started towards the end of the school year. We had about 4 months before I left for grad school 350 miles away for two years. (With both of us poor, car-less students, this was as huge of a distance as halfway around the world). We jokingly called it “The Summer of Love,” enjoyed the heck out of our time together, and in the fall there was a very tearful goodbye.
Yeah, I met someone 7 months before I planned to move to the UK, great timing! The plan was we would break up when I left, and you know I really need to get around to doing that one of these days - we spent a year apart, then I moved to Australia to be with him and now we’ve bought a house and are planning a baby and an engagement.
Go with it, see what happens, at the very least you spend time now with someone really great. Everything else can be negotiated.
