Lets assume that you have 1 or 2 toxic relatives in your life. Hypothetically, you’ve kept them at arms length so they wouldn’t get the chance to poison your kids with their vicious and nasty narcissistic personality disorder crap. Then out of the blue, through a third party
(you’ve been pretty good at keeping these particular Asshats at bay, although the Rockies do deserve some credit) you get an email the says, “Please forward to insert username, as I’ve lost his email. It reminded me of him.”
Attached, you find a camera picture of a standard jacket garment label that says:
People
Like insert username
size: small
Re: cheap low digs like this: doesn’t the High Road require that I ignore it? Or does expanding the drama without the courtesy of free tickets to 3rd parties and through significant effort (How the Hell did you even know that person works at that company?) require some sort of response*?
Conversely, would you assume that she’s just too stupid to know what she just did and might be looking [del]for a vein[/del] to make amends? Lets say for grins and giggles that this person has a higher degree in a field where everyone plays God & assumes all others should kiss their feet
(and be thankful for the taste of toe-jam). Assume that standing next to her, Surgeons look humble and meek. And that even after hours, to her ‘Arrogance’ could only be a new a fragrance by L’oreal.
What would you do?
*PS- Dad pisses away $200,000 on Medical School and THATS the best you can do???
I would totally ignore it. I might even email the person who forwarded it and say “I don’t know that person, if they send you anything else please don’t forward it”. Just act like the toxic person doesn’t exist.
But I don’t understand the insult. “People like Jane”. size=small.
Only one or two toxic relatives? Ooo, aren’t we lucky!
If you hadn’t mentioned the high achievement, I would have wondered if you were one of my relatives, because we have a toxic stalker. Some have decided to friend her on facebook, others have decided to roundly ignore here. My first question was: Does she know where we live? (Answer: a resounding no.)
Personally, I would ignore the email unless you get another in the future, if its directly from her, then it will be easy to block. If its from the third party, go with NinetyWt’s advise.
Good luck with your relative.
P.S. Could you explain the slight or whatever it was in the email that was forwarded to you? I’m as confused as everyone else. (This time I’m not alone, hooray!)
kk… thats one of those posts where I typed it to feel better, but meant to hit the delete key. I should have never posted it. I also should have ignored her, as she’s got too much rent free space in my head now.
Some of the siblings I grew up with just seem to know the pass-code to make me feel / act angry & 12. I’m glad its just me; I wouldn’t wish that on anybody.
The slight is that she’s saying I’m a small person (ie in comparison to her. Genuflect. Genuflect. Genuflect.) which is an insult that became a repeated meme while we both lived at my parents house as well as in later years in angry phone calls she’d make to my home (before I stopped taking her calls).
Here’s a hint: No one makes you feel anything. Your reactions to the actions of others are choices. Own them. Trying to pass them off as mere reactions, forced by the actions of another, diminishes you and your point.
I disagree. A feeling is something which just pops up. You don’t choose to feel sad or angry or happy.
You can choose to have a positive outlook, or you can choose to try to remain calm and neutral when people aggravate you. But you can’t choose your feelings.
Many people use the words “emotions” and “feelings” interchangeably. There is a difference. Emotions are anger, fear, happiness. Feelings are what we tell ourselves about how to respond to emotions. For example, “I have been provoked and am angry and must retaliate to prevent further attacks.” vs. “I have been provoked and am angry but a non-violent response to the provocation is ultimately in my best interest.”
Personal example: I am walking on a sidewalk, but not looking where I am going. The sidewalk has cracked and shifted due to ground subsidence. I trip over the crack. The emotion I feel as I stumble is fear: “I’m falling! I might get hurt!” I regain my balance and don’t fall. My feeling is relief: “Whew! That was close!” Then I laugh at myself and say, “Have a nice trip! See you next fall!”
My [toxic relative] is walking on the same sidewalk and also not looking where she is going. She trips over the same crack. She also feels fear as she stumbles. She regains her balance and her feeling is resentment: “Why did that crack have to be there and make me almost hurt myself? Why is the universe mean to me?”
She cannot control her emotional response, as fear is the instinctual reaction when something potentially harmful occurs to us. But she can control her feelings if she makes the choice to look at the situation as a minor moment of inconvenience, rather than an example of the universe conspiring to make her life a living hell.
In the OP’s case, ignoring the toxic relative’s provocation is, IMO, the best response, as any response gives the provoker an opening to escalate the aggression. I wish you peace, and may your toxic relative get a life.
So a toxic relative went to the trouble of involving someone else to send you a petty, mean-spirited jab via email. Roll your eyes as your finger hits the delete key, perhaps ask the third party not to forward anything from your sibling to you again (in a gracious, ‘I don’t want to put you in the middle of anything’ way), and take this as confirmation that you’re doing the right thing by keeping your sibling at arm’s length. Feel the relief that comes with not having to deal with him or her in your daily life. Stifle a giggle at how juvenile and (I have to say it again) petty he or she is. Move on and don’t let it under your skin.
And if the insult did slip under your skin at all: consider the source.
