I agree with Poysyn, with the caveat that talking with the person may not go the way you want it to. I think ultimately your response should depend on how healing (for lack of a better word) talking about it would be.
I experienced something like that earlier this year, and still haven’t sorted out my feelings regarding it. Heck, maybe I’m being petty – I don’t know.
My dad died in April. We had a small memorial for him up at our cabin with our extended family, exactly as Dad wanted. One of my uncles was seriously ill at the time, no doubt in pain and facing his own mortality.
To honor Dad, we all built wishboats (out of driftwood, candles, flowers and leaves). After sunset, we lit the candles and launched our boats. The currents in front of our cabin swept the boats up the beach past us, and looped at the point and took the boats past us again and on out into the straits. It was lovely… except, my boat capsized almost immediately. Mine was the only one that tipped. Its candles were doused and the shells I’d collected fell off. I was already sobbing at that point, and that made it worse. Loudly enough for everyone to hear, my uncle called out, “Physics lesson for Wendy!”
My uncle posted photos of the wishboats on his website, with a caption for each one. The caption for mine was, “Wendy’s doomed craft.” That incensed my sister enough that she emailed him and asked him to change the caption, which he did immediately but not without telling my sister all about how I should have tested the boat earlier in the day (true, but I had other things on my mind, you know?).
My uncle died in June. I didn’t speak with him in between – I didn’t acknowledge his comment, and hugged and kissed him when I left. He was a great guy, always loving, funny, a know-it-all, a great father and intelligent. That incident was the only time I’ve ever been angry with him, and what sucks is that I think of THAT first when I think of him, rather than all the numberless fun and loving times we’ve had together.
That turned out to be a longer story than I’d intended. I guess my point, assuming I have one, is that those cutting remarks do impact how you think of your relatives. I wish I’d spoken with my uncle about it – I think it would have helped expunge the memory of his remark. I trust that in time I’ll be back to remembering him at his loving best rather that at his sharpest.
Then when they go off like this and other people are around they shake their heads and look at you in silent sympathy. If you strike back, then everyone just thinks you two just go at each other.