Freddy Loves Jason
A self explanatory romantic comedy.
This isn’t so much a subtle alteration as a complete fusion of two titles but…
Me, Myself, The King and Irene
Wherein, a multiple personality disorder sufferer and his crush travel to 19th century Siam and teach the ruler about the western world.
… this may or may not turn out to be a gang-bang porno.
Raiders of the Lost Art
Indiana Jones joins forces with George Costanza in Egypt to track down missing architect Vandelay.
Hilarity ensues when Costanza demands refund on “bad” dates that kills Ross’s monkey.
The Pink Panter
Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy takes men on the search for the perfect pair of trousers.
Star Wards
A documentary. Sir Alec Guinness, Mark Hamill, and Harrison Ford visit Carrie Fisher in a rehab clinic.
Itanic
A romantic period drama about Intel’s unsinkable 64-bit processor, which runs into an iceberg named Opteron.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Con-Ed
Capt. James T. Kirk meets his toughest nemesis yet – the iron grip that Consolidated Edison holds over the U.S.S. Enterprise, in the form of arbitrary electricity rate hikes and the lousy level of service provided by the ConEd-subcontracted workers responsible for maintaining the ship’s power plant.
Withnail & M.I.
M.I.-5 taps the questionable talents of the wasted alcoholic, chronically unemployed thespian (and closeted homosexual) Montague Withnail, by sending him to a rural cottage in Northern Ireland to monitor the pub-crawling of IRA members. Filmed through a whiskey bottle, darkly.
Match Me If You Can
A precocious and sexually frustrated teenage boy from New York constructs misleading profiles of himself with matchmaking agencies around the world, and embarks on a whirlwind global tour of speed-dating under false pretenses.
Whiner
This spinoff sequel to Barry Levinson’s Diner follows the doomed marriage of the Steve Guttenberg character, picking up his story from his Colts-themed wedding reception in early-1960’s Baltimore.
Chicken Fun
This documentary, narrated by Mel Gibson, takes an anthropological look at the ways that boys and [mostly] young men the world over play dangerous games of “chicken” – from gang-affiliated Latino Los Angelinos in low-riding hot rods, to rural Yemeni boys charging each other on camels, to ice-skating Laplander youth on frozen lakes, and seemingly every point in between. Strangely compelling.
Requiem for a Cream
A tragic fantasy tracing the intersecting mishaps of three people whose lives are ruined by their obsessive interest in locating (in the tri-state area) the perfect egg cream (as recalled from happier days in Boston).
Bridget Jones’ Prison Diary
After a whirlwind evening celebrating her improbable one-year anniversary with her barrister boyfriend leads to a fatal drunk-driving accident, Bridget is sent to prison, during which she keeps a diary in which she duly notes her daily caloric intake, cigarettes (never enough!), prison yard exercises (oof!) and lesbian sexual advances (all spurned, so far). Sobering.
The Iraqi Horror Picture Show-- In which the Bush administration attempts once again to prove that the Middle Eastern country posed a seious and credible threat to the United States. He fails.
Get Hur!
Two boyhood friends in ancient Rome grow up to be sniping arch-rival interior decorators. Movie culminates in a dueling makeover of the Pantheon.Nibbles
At a resort town in the summer of 1975, swimmers are unpleasantly surprised to find that the tiny lake minnows will occasionally peck at a bather, apparently out of curiosity, and only occasionally drawing blood. Nevertheless, the tourist trade shifts to the casino in the neighboring township for the remainder of the season.
Lord of the Rinks
An epic trilogy telling the story about a man that tries to corner ownership of all the nations ice arenas.
Glad He Ate Her
I think you can guess what that would be about.
Gone With The Schwinn:
The epitome of the Italian neo-realist movement, directed by George Cukor and King Vidor; set in the Old South after the civil war.
My Cuisine Vinny
The long-awaited sequel to Eating Raoul.
A Room With a Hue
While having a nervous breakdown, a museum curator expresses her latent hostility against the all-white walls by painting them in a melange of earthy hues, pastel tints, and vibrant jewel tones.
A Padded Room of One’s Own
The sequel to A Room With a Hue, in which museum curator-turned-mental-patient wages war against the tufted putty-colored padding in her cell.
A Hard Lay’s Night
The story of a rock band and the groupies who love them. Unrated.
Bellini Satyricon
The Canadian comedic troupe “The Kids In the Hall” reunite to reinterpret the Petronius classic, with their “Bellini” character encountering a panoply of KITH characters, such as “the chicken lady,” in the milleu of decadent Ancient Rome.
Butterfingers 8
Elizabeth Taylor plays the owner of a struggling baseball franchise. To raise millions needed to sign a ringer, she turns out her players as male gigolos in the off-season. Hilarity ensues.
My Left Testicle
A Hollywood comedy writer (Tom Greene) is ravaged by a rare neurological disease which paralyzes every muscle in his body, save one. [No stars].
Finding Nimoy
Spock is hidden in an underwater prison and only an alien cult of blue lesbians can figure out a way to flush him out.
Pollock
An iconoclastic, irascible but genius fishmonger creates an uproar when he simply dumps his pollock on the shaved ice, rather than arrange them in tidy, rectilinear rows.
The Get
After her Orthodox Jewish husband refuses to grant her a divorce, the wife (Melanie Griffith) finds herself embattled by all the intrusive, controlling aspects of their Chassid community.
Shakespeare in Lust
A bodice-ripper, in which the bawdy Bard of Avon (Ron Jeremy) invents the casting couch. Perhaps the pen is not mightier than the sword, after all.
American Stupor
In which the high-concept documentarians turn their attention from Harvey Pekar to the surprisingly humdrum life of Florida Governor-turned-presidential-candidate Bob Graham, as based on the Gov’s daily log (with entries recorded at five-minute intervals) of his every waking hour during the past thirty years.
Acch, that should read “Senator Bob Graham”.
This is awesome.
Under a Tucson Sun
A newly-divorced Italian woman re-invigorates her life by buying and fixing up a villa in suburban Arizona.
Fahrenheit 45
An oppressive futuristic government plans to eradicate the written word by making all printed materials slightly chilly to the touch.
Hanniball
In the future, governments settle disputes not via military engagements but with the ultra-violent futuristic sport of Hanniball, combining the thrill and agression of roller derby with the refined elegance and sophistication of dining on a defeated opponent’s brain while he still lives and speaks.
Ethel Weapon 1, 2, 3, & 4
Fred Sanford’s ugly sister-in-law goes on a one-woman crimefighting crusade. Features Grady in a supporting role as an annoying real-estate agent.
The Mumy
Former Lost In Space actor returns from the dead demanding royalties for umpteen millions of reruns.
Take the Mooney and Run
Lucy goes nuts and kidnaps her oppressive boss for a huge ransom.
Who Framed Bunny Rabbit?
Was it Mr. Moose? the Captain? Mr. Green Jeans? Danicing Bear will not sleep until the answer is found!
**The Blair Bitch Project **
Political conspiracy thriller in which Tory vamp played by Uma Thurman tries to seduce the British PM
Reservoir Blogs
Tarantino uncovers the bloody truth about web-culture
The Postgraduate
Mrs Robinson’s awful revenge
Rebel Without A Pause
James Dean has problems with his video-remote