Guest Who’s Coming to Dinner
A long-lost Andy Warhol film entirely consisting of a man dressing for dinner in a leisurely fashion, then travelling by taxi across town to the host’s house. No stars you recognise. 4 hours.
The Tall Blonde Man with One Shoe Left
Continental hijinks as a lofty fair-haired French male person loses one of a nice pair of brogues. Hilarity en shoes. No stars you recognise. Une heure.
About a Box
Hugh Grant stars as an idle young man who has never worked a day in his life whose comfortable existence is suddenly disrupted by the arrival of a package addressed to someone else.
Lilo and Satch
Animated feature from Disney about a young orphaned girl and the Hall of Fame pitcher who disrupts her life but ultimately helps her find a new family.
Actually, I’d probably go see that one.
Actually, I think the original title would serve.
I’m pretty sure I’m blatantly stealing this from something I’ve heard before, but since I can’t remember what it is…
Under A Tusken Sun
A young maiden travelling through the remote deserts of Tatooine is captured by sand raiders and gives an account of her experience, describing their culture, and how she found love in the unlikely arms of one of her captors…
Thomas and Louis
Two accountants go on a vacation but get caught up in some not so pretty criminal activities. The mob gets involved and chases them off a cliff.
Botoxing Helena–Over the hill model/actress has boxtox injections and is forced to walk around with a box on her head after her face falls off.
Brother from a Different Closet–TV brother in a popular show finally comes out.
Twelve Hungry Men - eleven want pizza, but Henry Fonda insists on Chinese
Inspired by above post:
Twelve gry Men–Angry and hungry, 12 men try to come to a decision on another word that describes them.
Applause
Boondock Paints - Where Martha Stewart makes her big screen debut to an empty theatre world wide.
Mop Gun - Where Tom Cruise takes on the entire Russian air force with a mop converted to a gun for his F14.
Crouching Niger, Hidden Dragon - A country in turmoil calls upon a legendary warrior.
There was a now defunct website that was all about this sort of fusion of titles. It’s too bad it’s gone, becuase some of the stuff there was pretty funny and I even submitted a few fused films of my own, like:
Last House Party on the Left (Kid ‘n’ Plays rocking Halloween party is crashed by a trio of murderous escaped convicts! You won’t believe what Kid is forced to do to survive!)
From Duck 'Til Dawn (Howard the duck version the vampires)
Raging Bullwinkle (The famous cartoon moose player boxer Jake Lamotta in this remake.)
Forbidden Planet of the Apes (Leslie Nielson is stuffed and mounted as Robbie the Robot confronts a world of bizarre ape men. The final scene, in which Robbie screams, “DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE!” at the revelation that the Planet of the Apes was Earth along would be more stirring had Robbie’s inability to move over sand not caused him to tip over)
Etc.
[ul]
[li]Christmas Vocation- Clark Griswold figures he’s better off working through the holidays instead of trying to please his family at Christmas.[/li][li]Rain Ma’am- Women can be autistic, too.[/li][li]Homo Loan- A gay couple wanting to buy a house deals with discrimination from potential lenders.[/li][li]The Rink- Before you die, you see people on ice skates.[/li][li]The Sixth Scent- Boy can not only see dead people, but he can smell them, too.[/li][li]Indiana Jones and the Last Crouton- Professor Jones and his dad embark on a journey to find a very rare salad topping.[/li][/ul]
A Beautiful Ass - starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, as a Mathematical Genius Professor John Nash teaching at MIT, and doing research, when he meets Alicia Larde, his Pyshics student. Secret government agent William Parcher as played by Sean “P. Diddy-Puff Daddy” Combs, wants Nash to do top secret government work involving her ass, taking him down the spiral of Schizophrenia and Mental Illness.
A Beautiful Rind
A brilliant geography student finds inspiration for a new global map projection in the ripped-up rind of a navel orange.
The Best Beers of Our Lives
During a post-WWII reunion, three American army buddies reminisce about the beers of Britain, Belgium, Holland, and Germany.
Four Depositions and a Trial
A barrister and a witness fall in love over the course of a series of confrontational and coincidental meetings via the legal process.
The Matrix Inverted
Keanu Reeves plays a computer hacker who revolutionizes the world by coming up with really efficient Linear Algebra software.
Bladderator - Spaniard, Roman General who has frequent uncontrollable Bladder, gets betrayed by Ceasar’s son and forced into slavery, becomes the greatest fighter the Romans have ever seen despite his handicap, gets revenge against the son who has become Ceasar, and avenges death of wife and son.
Fiends - A light-hearteed sitcom examining the daily lives of 6 hip young heroin addicts living in NYC.
Since we’ve broken into TV shows:
UR- Fast paced action/drama about life in the first city, not the second one.
Steinfeld! Jake and his wacky friends inhabit the gym in a show about nothing.
24 more: a dozen doughnuts is not enough for these cops! Kiefer Sutherland as the Dunkin Donuts guy…“time to make the frickin’ doughnuts!”
Monday Night Foosball John Madden annoys bar patrons around the country; Lisa Guerrero’s cleavage gets the high ratings.
Casablacka - Sammy Davis, Jr. and Whoopie Goldberg star as doomed lovers in pre-WWII Africa. John Tesch in a cameo role as Sam the piano player.
Citizen Crane - Kelsey Grammer stars in this melodrama of a man trying to qualify for the Olympic bobsledding team using his favorite sled.
National Vulva - Elizabeth Taylor was never lovelier than in her first porno role. Co-starring Mr. Ed.
Regards,
Shodan
Armageddon Outahere!
tagline: There goes the Earth. Good thing we’ve got this spaceship!