Roommate Issue- Am I Being Unreasonable?

In My Humble Opinion
21

You have a lease. Please read it.

In a lease, the property is conveyed for a period of time the leasee’s for use without interuption from the lessor (I believe “quiet enjoyment” is the term thrown around a lot). Leases often say the landlord can do some minor maintenance with prior notice etc, but I would be surprised if they can do major renovations just for the hell of it.

Just because you may disagree with another leasee about interuptions may not invalidate your right to the property. I’m not saying you shouldn’t negotiate nicely, but at least know what your rights are and what’s in the lease agreement.

If the landlord’s going to make major renovations for a long time, you ask for reduced rent during that time.

And obviously: IANAL

22

I don’t know what is the right answer, but it does sound like a horrible pain in the ass. I think he should wait until break, that’s a decent compromise.

23

Right, but presumably they would have all the permits before starting work, so it really doesn’t matter how onerous the permit process is.

What we need is a Doper who is a kitchen remodeler who can tell us how long it takes to do a new kitchen. I just don’t think it can possibly take more than two weeks of work to do an apartment kitchen. However, IANAKR (kitchen remodeler). I’m not saying it couldn’t drag on if the contractor doesn’t work on the kitchen every day, but in that case there wouldn’t be any workmen (or disruption to you) during the down times.

24

They do have a Certificate for Legal Occupancy, and we do have a lease. They are in no hurry to get this done, and have said if it is a problem they are perfectly fine waiting until we move out. They are really nice people, and basically rent out the unit because they enjoy helping out students. They figured we might enjoy the upgraded kitchen, and wanted to know if this is something we wanted to do. In any case, they are legally as well-connected as one can get and I don’t think they would have many problems with permits.

I’m already pulling 10 hour days at school. I’m not willing to make that 15 hour days. I’m barely here as it is…I spend at least one night a week out, and can’t remember the last time I was in the house around dinner time.

I guess part of this is just venting- I mean this stuff may not even come up. My roommate is being an ass. The other day I walked in to the living, asked him how his day was, and he pointedly mumbled, picked up the remote and turned the volume up to maximum. Huh, I didn’t know they started charging so much for friendly small talk! I guess it’s true that missing a couple seconds of South Park is a bit much to ask for basic human interaction with the person you basically share a room with!

The only words he says to me is to accuse me of doing dumb stuff nobody does- last night he asked if I was throwing toilet paper in the trash instead of in the toilet as if I just got off the boat. No. I throw used tissue from blowing my nose in the trash, and since I get dirty looks when I venture into the living room, I use the bathroom trash. But thanks for critiquing my personal toilet habits! Why the hell are you even thinking about this stuff?!

So yeah, roommate can be tough in even the best of situations, but given the situation I’m not particularly compelled to give up my comfort for his luxuries. He can wait until he gets his own place, and spend the rest of his life happily baking two cakes at a time.

I think he’s kind of upset that the house isn’t better, but while I left my sick family a week before classes started so that I could look for a house while couch surfing in Virginia, he was having a months long European vacation. He was desperate for me to find a place before he arrived (the night before his classes started) so he agreed to the first place that offered a lease. If he was so particular he should have come here and helped me look, even if that meant the indignity of staying on someone’s couch for a few days. As it is, I feel like he can eat and sleep here just fine, the rent is cheap, and we’ll be out of here soon.

25

Eh, I don’t blame you. It is a lot of inconvenience to please someone who doesn’t seem that interested in pleasing you.

26

True, but in DC the getting the inspections taken care of takes time as well. It really depends on what they are doing. Are they running a gas line and messing with the plumbing? Are they going to move an interior wall? Are they going to have to upgrade the electrical systems? If they are going to put in cabinets and a countertop, this might be quicker.

ETA: I just saw even sven’s response. Screw him. If you guys aren’t getting along anyhow, and he is being a jerk, why inconvenience yourself?

27

Yeah I was going back and forth in a “can see both sides” kind of way, but he seems like an ungrateful dick already, and one thing I’ve learned is that ungrateful dicks will become even more so, the more you try and accomodate them with things they should be f*cking grateful about.

IF you can get the landlord to schedule the work at no inconvenience to you (for example, that the workers would arrive no earlier than 3 pm) then I’d say go ahead… otherwise, stick to your guns. You’re as entitled to quiet enjoyment of the premises as he is.

28

Yeah, having more information, namely, that this guy isn’t a great roommate to begin with, I’m beginning to understand your reluctance to accommodate him, even sven. He’s starting to sound like a selfish spoiled brat.

Sorry I can’t change my vote in the poll. :frowning:

29

A small apartment kitchen from scratch with full size appliances, should not take a month…two weeks max, and more likely a week.

I would offer a compromise and request they do it while your on winter break. Tell your culinary roomate that disrupting your daily routine during the next month in preparing for finals is not in your best interest, and that he’s just gonna have to suck it up and wait.

30

A clear case of unresolved sexual tension, I thought at first, and easily enough solved with a pity fuck. But no straight guy is that into cupcakes, so I guess we’re back to square one.

31

Aren’t you constantly telling everyone that will listen about how you incessantly travel the wild-world over on your own, and now simply live to tramp thru the mean streets of DC till the wee hours, unaccompanied by anyone else, because that’s just the way you roll, as an independant, liberated, modern woman?

You are worried about staying in your apartment while workmen are there on a remodel job?!?

Why don’t you just be forthright and say “I don’t get along with my roommate, (or apparently many of the other people you interact with, worldwide, according to your own accounts) so this is a good chance for me to be passive-aggressive and powertrip on him a bit.”

32

I am having both bathrooms of my condo gutted and redone, right now. I work 10+ hour days, and have to get up earlier so they can get started.

BUT. They were quite willing to work around my schedule, however I wanted; the early start just ended up being best for me.

It took one day to rip out the carpet and demo everything. One day to lay the cement board. One day to tile everything. Today is grout and plumbing day. They’ll be done in another week or so.

There is no way the OP will be suffering for weeks and weeks with a teeny-tiny kitchen reno. It’ll be a week or two, and not on weekends.

Sounds like there’s no shortage of passive-aggressive drama on any side, here.

33

Maybe I’ve watched too much Property Ladder, but the work could turn out to be more than expected. Tearing out the wet bar might reveal rot in the wall or the floorboards. It might be necessary to do more rewiring than planned. A pipe could break.

34

I can agree with you about a lot of what youw rote and what your concerns are. However, when I get to the stuff below

It’s not really up to you to judge what is reasonable for him to care about or not care about. maybe baking helps him deal with the stress of grad school. Maybe he’s one of those people (like me) who has a really hard time dealing with a place that is physically uncomfortable or unpleasant for him.

You can dislike him for all manner of reasons. I agree that his behavior turning up the TV was rude. But your priorities for your living space are no better or loftier or more noble than his priorities for his living space; they’re just different.

35

True, but generally the person who cares more and wants to make it happen tries to arrange it so the person who cares less is not unecessarily inconvenienced or annoyed. Here, Roommate is not even willing to wait until a schoolbreak without pitching a fit.

36

I’m siding with the roommate on this one. Enduring a week or so of inconvenience to get what for him would be a major improvement to your living space seems like one of those “suck it up and deal” situations to me. Spend that week at the library / your department common areas.

37

Except she is the one inconvenienced not him. He isn’t around for the hours that they are working whereas those are her prime hours at home.

It might be workable if they do the work when he is home and not her.

38

Well, if the workers can only work from 1-5 (I imagine they don’t want to work through midnight, which is when she’s gone), it’s going to take a lot longer (day wise) to get the job done than if they just work 8 hour days.

39

I’ll second this. My landlord wanted to have a guy rip out all the carpeting and install hardwood floors in my condo. The guy said it would take two days, two and a half, tops. I figured that I would be “inconvenienced” for a few days, and made plans. But my plans were that when I got back from work on the third day things would be back to normal. It turned out that when guy started to take out the carpeting, there was another floor underneath that had to be ripped out and what not done to prepare the new surface for the new flooring. (I don’t know what it entailed; I’m not a flooring guy.) The job ended up lasting over a week, and I was ticked. Both by the amount of time that it took and by the major lack of concern for my personal stuff that was literally just thrown around as needed to get the job done.

So, at **Tom **said, make sure your guy knows what he’s getting into and expect at least minor delays. Plan for the worst and expect the best type of situation. I would recommend this happen during your semester break.

40

Who are you to tell him what “we” need? If you said that to my face, I might be tempted to throat punch you. He worries about something so much because to him, the kitchen is *not *totally workable (sounds like a crap place to cook or bake). For all you know, he plans to live there for a while, after you mercifully move on. He’s not asking for a palace. He’s asking you to not act like a self-absorbed little princess when what he needs is a decent place to bake.

You seem to be projecting your needs and wants on to your roommate and that is why you are having this problem. You have different priorities. There is nothing wrong with that; you are very different people.

I don’t find the kitchen to be a luxury item. In fact, I found it cheaper to cook large meals from scratch than to live off processed frozen foods, pizza, and other convenience items. For me, having a good workable kitchen is a necessity and a priority. Having a nice kitchen to bake in is obviously very important to your roommate. I don’t understand why you think your need to chill in the mornings is more important than his need to bake. It’s probably his stress-buster.

What strikes me even more is how quick you seem to be to let your underpants get all knotted up, when you don’t even really have enough facts. The decisions have not been made. Contractors not yet contracted, right? So nothing has yet been scheduled, you haven’t received estimates of how long this job will take so you don’t even know for how long you will be inconvenienced. It could just be for a couple days, if the place is as small as you describe.

Why don’t you get all the facts first? Find out what the landlord’s plans are. Then work with your roommate to meet him halfway and negotiate a compromise.

That’s how adults handle conflicts like this.