I work in a cube, in a group of about 20 people close to my age. I’ve been here a year, and in that year, three of us became kind of close friends. We’d eat lunch together, hang out, etc.
Anyway, long story short, now the other two aren’t speaking to each other. How am I supposed to handle this? I feel forced to choose sides. I’m in a super-awkward situation, but we’re adults and it shouldn’t be this big of a deal! Somebody help me.
More details upon request.
“Well, I guess this means the fun’s over.” -Gus Mc Crae
“It may be over, but it sure wasn’t fun.” - Woodrow Call
Will the spat blow over? Then don’t choose sides or someone will be really mad when you’re all friends again.
If it looks like it won’t then: choose sides like you would any other friend; or maintain your adulthood and refuse to get involved (threaten each with losing you if they don’t work things out); or get involved and try to work things out between them, and risk having them both angry at you.
All I’ve probably done is outline what you already knew, but I have a lot of experience with this, and couldn’t let you go by.
Well, i mostly agree with Suo Na that choosing sides is a bad idea – if you’re truly a friend of both, and the three of you are like a separate clique unto yourselves, then choosing sides will quickly make it a subgroup of 2 rather than 3.
but: do you think one of them is clearly in the wrong on whatever dispute they’re in? (not knowing the details, i might not be making sense, but you know what i mean.) if you think one’s clearly wrong, and you think you’re both a good enough friend and a good enough psychologist, you can try to convince the wrong one how wrong s/he is, cloaking it in “this is such a stupid argument, why don’t you get past it and be friends again.” however, this can backfire, and it might not be worth the risk. i’m not sure if i would take that chance.
It took a couple of years for my two friends to start talking, but now thy do. Their friendship has not been the same but we can all go out together.
I remained completely neutral, when one talked about the other I told them I didn’t want to hear it, and if they wanted to bitch they should bitch directly to the other person because I was not going to choose sides.
I agree with Angkins that the best approach is to stay out of it. You don’t have to choose sides, even if they want you to. I have a very good friend who is a rather prickly sort, and some people dislike her. Sometimes she gets into fights with other people because she’s very opinionated, etc. My personality is such that I can get along with her and those other people too. If anyone tells me they don’t like her, I respond that that’s certainly their prerogative but I’m going to stay friends with her, and that’s regardless of whether I think she’s right or wrong in the situation. You can explain to both your friends that you intend to remain friends with both of them. If necessary, remind them that true friends don’t ask their friends to choose sides.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning bug.
Mark Twain