Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A: Nothing - their chromosomes are not compatible.
Q: Why did the boy take a pencil to bed?
A: He wanted to draw on the curtains.
Cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg for speeding.
“Do you have any idea how fast you were going?”
“Yes, officer, I do.”
That actually works quite well as it is. 
I thought these weren’t supposed to be funny.
A guy calls his waiter over and says “Waiter! Waiter! What is this fly doing in my soup.”
The waiter responds: “Damn! The bastard maggots are hatching. You didn’t really think those were spaetzle in there, did you?”
A husband and wife were getting divorced and couldn’t decide who would get custody of their son. The judge decided to ask the son his opinion.
“Would you like to live with your father?”
“No. I don’t want to live with him. He beats me.”
“Well, how about your mother? Would you like to live with her?”
“No. I don’t want to live with her, either. She beats me as well.”
“Well, who do you want to live with?”
“The Chicago White Sox, since there having a really great season this year and it would be great if I could be at the World Series.”
Q: What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is a qualified legal practitioner.
Actually, in the (unfunny take off of the) original version, it was staff counsel for the Electronic Frontier Foundation, Michael Godwin. Also, it was not surfers, but
Why does it take 4 Polacks to change a light bulb?
BECAUSE THEY’RE SOOOOOO STUPID!!!
On a cold winter night three homeless men huddled together for a little
warmth. In the morning the man on the right said:
‘I had a strange dream last nigh. I dreamt that somebody was pulling
my penis.’
‘That’s strange’ said the man on the left. ‘I had exactly the same
dream.’
The man in the middle then said ‘I grabbed both your cocks in the night’
A tourist in Egypt met a man in a bar.
‘What do you do for a living?’ he asked him.
‘I’m a camel castrater’ the man said.
‘How do you castrate a camel?’ the tourist asked.
‘You go behind him and spread his legs. Then you take a large rock
in each hand and smack his testicles between the rocks.’
‘Wow’ said the tourist ‘that must really hurt.’
‘Who cares?’ said the man, ‘they’re only camels.’
just for your 411…
This format of “not joke telling” was inveted by a comedian in 1997.
it has since been duplicated in several online community forums.
like this one. I can look up the comedians name when I get home.
kudos to him and to this guy for bringing it back.
These are called “No-Jokes”.
A “No-Joke” is a worded phrase that;
looks like a joke, sounds like a joke,
and at first reading, might even be as funny as a joke…
-but, upon closer obvervation,
you will discover it is in fact…NOT A JOKE AT ALL!
EXAMPLES…
That woman was so fat,
they had to close 7-Eleven for 12 HOURS STRAIGHT!
His mother was so old,
Not even the Zoo would accept her DEBIT CARD!
A man walks into a bar and orders a martini,
the bartender says, WHY HAVE THAT?
SEARS IS HAVING A SALE, AND THE LAWNMOWERS ARE HALF OFF!
What did the salad dressing say when someone opened the door?
“Close the door! I’m mayonaise!”
A brunette goes to see a doctor. When she speaks with him, she comments that she thinks that she’s really ill. To illustrate the point, she says, “when I touch myself here, it hurts. When I touch myself here, it hurts. When I touch myself here, it hurts.”
The doctor says, “you used to be blonde, didn’t you?”
The patient says, “yes, I did. How did you know?”
The doctor replies, “because your roots are growing out.”
My home town was so small, the local hooker had to wear a batting helmet.
A man goes to the doctor’s office and says, “It hurts when I lift my arm this way.”
The doc says, “I can prescribe a mild painkiller.”
Your brother is so dumb, he had lots of trouble with school, and had to hire a private tutor.
What was the film about pirates rated? PG-13
A man said he wanted to get a car, and paint a big ‘S’ on it. He said he wanted to drive around, and when people saw him they’d say “That must be Steve.”
To Malacandra and Hoopy Frood (and anyone else who thought, but did not post, what they posted):
The actual punchline, for those not in the know, is “the American shouted ‘Remember the Alamo!’ and chucked out the Mexican.’”
I thought for a long time about how to best spoil the joke, whose humor is derived, in part, from the well-known sayings that are associated with specific countries. I thought a fun way to spoil it would be to retain the essential nature of the punchline (the American, rather than sacrifice himself, instead gets rid of someone from a country he holds a grudge against), but change it so that, rather than a well-known saying and a well-known grudge, I employ a very underpublicized grudge (the judgement of the ICJ in favor of Nicaragua over the U. S.) in a sort of ironic twist. I now see that there is still humor in the essential nature of the punchline, so I guess I screwed up.
I’m sorry that you found it amusing, and I hope that the above analysis of my revised joke will suck any of the residual humor out of the joke completely.
That’s actually not what I was going for in the OP. What you’re talking about is a new joke that’s a complete non-sequitor. “How many oranges does it take to change a bloviate? Fish.” What I was trying to get was an old joke that was ruined by a bad telling, as in the way a child might tell it. “A frayed knot walks into a bar.”
But we’ve seen plenty of both kinds here.
I used to drive my son crazy with this one, when the new son gets old enough to want to tell knock knock jokes, I plan on driving him crazy as well.
“Knock, knock”
“Come in”
A man and his family walk into a talent agent’s office. The agent says, “Can I help you?” The man says, “Yes, we’d like to show you our act, we’re called ‘The Aristocrats.’” The agent says, “Go ahead.” The man turns to his wife; she goes to her knees and starts blowing him. His daughter lies on the ground behind the wife and the wife shits in her mouth. The man’s son kills their dog, pulls out its guts, and climbs into its empty body cavity. Then the man pulls his dick out of his wife’s mouth and cums all over everybody. The agent says, “Okay, when are you available?”