You know what would be really hawt? A sex tape with Mary Matalin and James Carville!
Actually, back in the 70’s, my mom used to serve them Espresso.
“I *really *hope Jerry Sandusky wins his appeal and returns to mentoring young kids alone in dark showers as soon as possible.”
“I wish Firefox would provide more updates.”
I really wish I could get more advertising junk mail from the cable TV company.
I’m looking at you, Cox
George Carlin offered the following three gems:
*“Please saw my legs off.”
“Hand me that piano.”
“Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!”*
SharePoint is so stable and works so well that I often find myself wishing it would crash more often just to give me a break!
I’m not sure you’re understanding the point of this thread. 
After surgery - “My pain is about a seven out of 10 - do you think you could get someone to sit on my incision and see if we can get that up to a 10?”
“Damn…I wish I had had about 5 more drinks at that frat party last night!”
“Forward that link of recent nude pictures of Joan Rivers to me!”
“Sarah Palin is a fuckin’ genius and would make the best President ever!”
“Man it’s hot. Get me a huge glass of that sour, lumpy milk over there by the dumpster.”
Um, hot poker, chop dick off, etc etc.
“Now see here; I may be schizophrenic, but I’m not a* paranoid *schizophrenic!”
“Your Facebook status updates have completely changed my mind on many key political issues.”
“Why, yes, standing in a long line for the privilege of being one of the first in your city to purchase the new iPhone is exactly the sort of behavior I’d expect from a responsible adult.”
“You’ve criticized my favorite video game? I guess I can see your point, and respect that you’ve expressed an opinion different than mine.”
Could somebody print this off and hang it over my nursing home bed when it’s time so the attendants can feel like they really know me?
I wish I hadn’t eaten that last salad. I feel too healthy to drive.
election day already?
“Intellectuals sure do love football, and who can blame them.”
“It is generally considered good form to respond to your own posts.”
“My hot swimsuit model friends and I enjoy finding programmers to sleep with.”
“As a firm believer in capitalism, I would gladly pay more in taxes in order for the pay of elected officials and government employees to be increased. That way, we attract the best people to these important positions.”
“I hope Dave Hartwick bumps this thread again.”
“Good morning, President Romney.”
HA!
that Donald Trump sure makes good sense
“Your hateful, bigoted rant has truly swayed me to your point of view by making me realize how illogical my viewpoint was.”
Not so, I’ve heard malware researchers at my university say similar :p.