“I wanna dame with a body like Olive Oyl, a mind like Michelle Taylor Greene, and all the sass of Calvin Coolidge.”
More fishing gear? No thanks, I have enough.
“This Bible tract is better than any tip I could hope for!”
I’m sure glad I contracted giardia on that camping trip!
“Look honey there’s a biker gang that appears to be brutalizing someone by the side of the road. Should we stop and see if the bikers need any help?”
Kinda lonely on this stretch of road; let’s see how many hitchhikers we can fit in the back seat!
“There shall some a day when the alligator lies down with the lamb, and the alligator will not be perturbed.”
Now that you, the people, have elected me, my priority is to please my corporate donors.
You citizens? Not so much.
“Could you rub those pieces of Styrofoam together again? I love that sound!”
“I’d like my Italian beef sandwich dry, please.”
You want to give me a 1967 Mustang Shelby gt500? Screw that! I’d much rather have a 1977 Mustang II !
Will you help me get into the Guinness Book of World Records by helping me get the most different STDs?
“It is all good friends, I am sure that nice Mr Putin would never ever use nuclear weapons just to save face, I am sure that was not what he really meant, Nobody is that crazy.”
“The best thing about the guy is his extreme flatulence. He never misses a cue.”
I can’t wait for the next round of political campaign speeches,
“I love political ads – especially the attack ads.”
“It’s been almost 80 years since an atomic weapon was used in anger, wouldn’t it be cool if we tried it again?”
Make America a Ghetto Again
I actually like to feel my panties in a bunch.
The pancetta has defibrillated my telescopic conservatory.