Sarcastic answers you don't dare say out loud to things you overhear

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

You know, you listen to a conversation, and someone says something that you want to just say _______ to?

Like just now, my secretary (oops, forgot, we call her my “assistant”) is on the phone with another person - no idea who. And she says:

“…so yeah that happened to me too, and when I looked behind me there was this huge, huge thing back there!”

And so the sarcastic answer I dare not utter, but which still cracked me up was:

“Yes, that would have been your ass”

Sometimes I amuse myself all day like that.

2

My boss, who is the king of never responding to important emails/phone messages, was griping about a talkative lady customer who’d made a remark to him that women are better communicators than men.

I so badly wanted to say, “In your case, she’s right.”

3

I do more snarky things–I say to myself, “got it in one” and “dropping you on your head as a baby must have helped.” or “perhaps your next job could not involve such high level skills as alphabetizing.”

Things like that. Problem is–sometimes I don’t realize that I’ve said it aloud.

:eek:

4

Yesterday, my boss asked me what I’m going to do while he’s on vacation. I told him that I’m going to do the same things as always, but I’m going to sing “Jimmy Cracked Corn” while I do them.

There’s very little you can’t get away with saying, provided you say it with a smile on your face.

5

Converstion takes place near my office cube:

Girl One: “How many points is a slice of cake?”

Girl Two: " A slice of cake is 1 point."

Girl One: “Only one point for a slice of cake?”

Girl Two: “Yeah, I looked it up, it is only one point.”

Sarcastic thing I would never say: "One point?! ONE POINT!? Okay, it is enough that you are scamming yourself, but do you have to ruin her diet, too, by constantly telling her that things like milkshakes and bagels are “only 1 or 2 points?!!!”

I’m buying Girl One her own Weight Watchers book. She must eat like 50-60 actual points a day from listening to Girl One (who is perpetually counting points, perpetually gaining weight and perpetually offering advice as she is the WW expert).

6

Maybe Girl One just misunderstands the whole concept of Weight Watchers.

7

change this…being FEMALE and having the smile on the face leaves you much wiggle room to maneuver.

guys can do it too, but females are better at it.
unless you get girl-on-girl smiling…which is the byproduct of cattiness…
yeesh, you females and your cattiness…

see, we in the Brotherhood…we are united in a singular cause…the quest for boobs!

8

I am on Weight Watchers and they do have packaged cakes that are 1 point. Granted it is small and I would not be satisified with it but that could be what she is talking about.