And you’re reading the message boards.
Well, take a break, HouDope, The Revenge is underway. Come on up to the Richmond Arms and join us. It’s almost dark, so you won’t have to put up with much in the way of that icky sunlight. We’re here now, just waiting for you.
Have a drink for me, everyone!
Yer pal,
Satan
TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Three months, two weeks, six days, 20 hours, 30 minutes and 57 seconds.
4474 cigarettes not smoked, saving $559.27.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 1 day, 12 hours, 50 minutes.
Vist the The Fabulous Forums of Fathom
As you can tell, I’m not there. There was a last minute hitch in my transportation plans. 
I gave beatle kisses to deliver to all of you for me when we called to let it be known we couldn’t show.
I guess for some reason I just was not supposed to be there. I home someone smacked Sealemon around a bit for me.
it never occured to me to call a doper. are you trying to tell me that you people have telephones and computers? amazing!
Aha, the perfect thread to hijack and summarize the night’s events. HouDope official scribe now commences with the official notes.
The attendees included the following list, in a drawn out arrival process:
beatle, warming up the table.
Irishman, scaring off the waitress.
TheNerd, making it in from Austin.
Kelliebob, breaking up the all-male crowd.
Sealemon, proud of his shit, shower, and shave.
Shanin, ready to stir up trouble.
h-thur, needing adult conversation.
Ayesha and LIONsob called to tell us that their transportation plans fell apart, and they would be unable to make it after all. Just like Ayesha to lead us on like that. First she’s coming, then she’s not, then she is, then she’s not. Come on lady, make up your mind. 
To begin with, the Richmond Arms is a quaint little pub with an English theme. It turns out it is the sister pub to The Ale House, a previous HouDope meeting site. Beatle informed us that originally there were three pubs started by the same guy - these two, and Rudyards. Rudyards being originally on Kipling St., fittingly enough.
Quickly after I arrived, waitress 1 informed us that she was going off shift and being replaced by another waitress. This after she brought me a Pepsi when I ordered a Coke. I knew it tasted funny, and my guess was confirmed by waitress 2. Grumble grumble.
It was mentioned Cessandra posted on the board, in IMHO, prior to this meeting. Sure, she tells me she’s quit the board and never coming back and hates us all, then posts.
Looking at the menu, we noticed that since the theme was British, the cuisine was British. Note the option for bangers 'n mash, or shepherd’s pie, and of course liver and onions. Liver - what a wonderful food. :rolleyes:
Beatle related a story about having a bicycle accident as a child that punctured his liver. He was in ICU for a long time. Finally after being placed in his own room and put back on solid food, guess what they served him — LIVER!
Liver - it should be mandatory that that be requested. It should never be served to someone without specifically requesting it.
I pointed out one British favorite was not on the menu - jellied squid. Yum. :rolleyes:
Kelliebob mentioned how her mother was a sugar nazi and a health food nut, so she never got to drink sodas or Kool-aid as a kid. Thus when she moved out on her own, she bought Fruit Loops - “I’m a grownup - I can eat sugared cereal!”
There was a discussion of the board history, the newsgroups and fathom board, and related events.
Kelliebob polled the table to find out what we all do. After finding out the rest of us have “real jobs”, she remarked, “I slept with the boss.” Way to go Kellie! (That’s not an option I want to exercise in my current job.)
On pronouncing names, yet another person had trouble with “Canthearya”. “What is that, some latin word for something illegal?”
Shanin, upon returning from the restrooms, remarked, “For those of you who need to know, the men’s room is on the left, the women’s on the right.” This sparked a discussion on restrooms, stumbling into the wrong one, etc. A certain bar I can’t remember the name of is said to have signs with a figure of a man and woman, each subtly pointing at the other door. They have fun watching the drunks.
Also a conversation about unisex bathrooms in transvestite bars. Well, if they can’t decide which they are, it makes the distinctions rather moot. “He, she, whatever had on a great pair of shoes!”
Kelliebob was wearing a very neat pair of boots. (Like that seque? I’m full of them.) They have flames on them. Artistically done leather. Beatle replied that at one time in his music days in the late '70s he had a pair of knee-high, laceup platform boots. “So you were the fifth member of Kiss?” - Sealemon
We found out that the Navy uses the guys who can’t do other jobs, who screw up for whatever reason, to guard the gates. Security by the screw-ups - there’s a bright idea. Kelliebob related a story about some guards getting creative with their log book out of boredom. “What do you mean Spiderman swung through the gates?”
Music from the jukebox…
“That takes balls to play Abba after Bob Dylan.” - Kellie
Another tall tale about trips to strange clubs. BDSM, live entertainment, theme nights - walk in to find people hanging by their nipples. (What have I been missing?) Kellie mentioned being in a club and the staff walking around and suddenly shining a mag lite in everyone’s eyes. Apparently this was after a big ecstacy scare. “I’m here for the perversion.” Gee Kellie, you’re one fun chick.
There was mention of the Bratman007 affair. Please let’s not rehash.
Sealemon went to the restroom and returned with a sticky spot on his shirt. Hmmmm. He says it’s soap.
Gay country disco bar - Brazos River Bar. Commence bar stories. How about the strip bar run by the bikers, that drew in the college frat boys and sailors. Within 15 mins the place was a riot, cops outside surrounding the place, beatle and his date hiding behind a PacMan machine.
Beatle discussed an interesting thing he learned back in the day. He had a bass guitar, amp, and graphic equalizer. If he topped out the lowest register, dropped out the rest, cranked the volume, you couldn’t hear it but it would make his shirt shake. And he could get some cool harmonics from the metal framework on the porch.
Long discussion of paintball. Good paint vs. bad paint, strategy games vs. speedball, punk kids too small to hold their guns but were fast and would win the games. One guy is designing a paintball gatlin gun. Another guy says he will put them on a helicopter for use in scenario games. This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That h_thur girl talked WAY too much - or something.
Okay h-thur, your turn - start a thread.
As the sun went down, it got dark. Our corner of the bar didn’t seem to have overhead lights. Beatle began lighting the candles with part of the floral arrangement. He needed an extention to reach into the candles, and found a handy flammable grass strand. Good job. Then he stuck the grass back in the vase. Gee I hope that’s all the way out. --HouDope burned down the bar, what did you do?
It was noted how much I was writing, and how much of it was coming from Kelliebob. She seemed to take offense that I would want to write down those fabulous one-liners.
After burning the bar down, we naturally brought up death. What to do with your dead loved ones? Cremate them? Embalm them and stick them in a crypt so they’ll never rot? Prop them up in the living room? Someone at Kellie’s work had a pet poodle die, and he had it freezedried and placed in the living room.
Seale wants to be posed in a big glass box so that he peers out and his eyes follow you around the room, with a voice recording saying “I’m watching you!”
Once cremated, what do you do with the ashes? What’s the proper etiquette for carrying them around? Stcik them in the floorboard? Do you stick them in an urn on the mantle? Put them in a burial vault? Scatter them?
Ash scattering stories… One person tried dumping them from a plane. The ashes ended up getting blown around the airplane, so they were breathing in uncle. Oh how fun. I told a tale of a friend who’s mother wanted to be cremated, and wanted to be buried with her pet, that had died years before. So the friend had to fly out to Arizona, dig through the storage unit and find the box of the pet’s ashes, and put the bag in the box with her mother’s remains. And then hope the priest didn’t look in the box, because he would not have understood.
With the earlier discussion of paintball, the topic of guys and guns came up. Also much discussion of fire, flames, explosions, etc. Kelliebob tells us that flamethrowers are completely legal. She wants one. Fun girl.
Seale was in chemistry class working with an experiment to make hydrogen gas, then ignite it and make a fireball. His didnt’ go off right, so he looked into the canister right as it flared. Poof - flamed nose hairs.
Beatle talked about using dish soap in a bowl and a natural gas outlet. Run a hose to vent the gas in the bowl, and it will inflate a soap bubble derigible. When it gets about face high, ignite with a lighter, kaboom.
Bic lighter flamethrowers… rig the lighter to stay burning long enough to heat up the cap, and it melt the plastic till it pops off and you get a jet of flame out of the lighter. Hmmm. Something for the kids to do.
Next the women took over the conversation with discussion of what babies look like. Thinking theirs are going to end up ugly mutants, and getting beautiful kids they don’t know how.
Then came stories of childbirth. Funny stories. Kellie talked about going to the hospital and not having taken lamaze classes (no I don’t know how to spell it), but the nurses didn’t want to give her the epidural. Then she got it, a huge needle in the spine. Yeeha. Propped up on the table spread wide with lots of people traipsing through the room, everyone looking and sticking their hands up to check things out. Then the head is turned wrong, so they want to flip her over. But she’s numb from the waist down. The nurse brings out a funky pillow and tells her to mount it doggie style. “That’s what got me into this mess.” When she was crowning, they thought they might encourage her to push by showing her the head, so they held up a mirror. “What’s that all about?”
Seale - “God DAMN I’m glad I’m a guy!”
Next mention, Anal Fissure Bob. A guy with a web page discussing his embarrasing, nasty, and uncomfortable medical problem. Found on http://www.ila.com . “Funniest stuff on the web” page.
Kellie was dominating… the conversation.
We had a blast. Kellie was a hoot - as you can tell. Shanin opened up a bit more since her last (first) visit. H_thur we just could not get to shut up. Notice how many times I quoted her? Uh, yeah.
Sealemon was funny as usual, TheNerd was fairly quiet, beatle kept up his end of the conversation and beer drinking. I had a blast.
We got pictures. Kellie forgot to bring the camera. 
Someone removed it from the table. But Shanin picked up a disposable, and they’re going to get them on the web sometime. Though it was dark in the corner, so they may not turn out very well. We’ll see.
Once again, I’ve run out of notes, so I guess I’ll shut up.
Oh yeah, we mentioned Vegas. Looks like beatle and I will be the Houston contingent. Cool.
And I noticed nobody brought up Michi this time. (Found a way to work that in there. )
Clarifying comment - I did not mean to imply Kelliebob was the only female present. Clearly that is not the case. Shanin and h_thur were present.
What I meant was that until Kellie arrived, it was just guys. She was followed shortly by the others.
Okay, now that I’ve chewed on my foot a bit, I’ll shut up.
Yes, just not at once…
Yer pal,
Satan
TIME ELAPSED SINCE I QUIT SMOKING:
Three months, three weeks, 6 hours, 18 minutes and 14 seconds.
4490 cigarettes not smoked, saving $561.31.
Life saved: 2 weeks, 1 day, 14 hours, 10 minutes.
Vist the The Fabulous Forums of Fathom
Well, any place that would take ChiefScott…
The Richmond Arms was fairly cool. I dodged the bullet nicely when I gave Shanin directions (I told her The Ale House, where the last meet was, but fortunatly she was smart enough to ignore me and check the map link from the HouDope thread).
I want that jukebox!
And now, for impressions of the Dopers! < glances nervously at the gathering mob >
beatle The vet of the meetings. His stories are always good at keeping the conversation going. He also has one of the coolest names I’ve ever heard of.
IrishMan Note taker extrodenaire. I mean it, he is good. Very good. In fact, he should be elected Permanent Note Taker, so I never have to worry about doing it–I mean, because he’s so good at it. He also underestemates himself in the previous post: he’s a funny guy once he loosens up.
H_Thur Hammer Of Thor! Gad, I wish she would have shut up at least once during the meeting. 
Seriously, she’s a nice lady from a small town, and it was nice to meet her.
kellibob A very cool lady, who needs to post more.
Doggie style.
TheNerd Another talker.
He’s a nice guy, and It was cool of him coming down from Austin to see us. He helped beatle set the bar on fire. He also has some way cool gadgets. Kind of like Batman’s utility belt. Without the belt. Or Baterangs. Or tear gas. Or Batrope. Nevermind.
Shanin Sass with class. I’m really glad she made it to the shindig after all. She was a real doll for going to get the camera for us. And like I’ve told her before, she’s really funny!
That’s about it for now, y’all. Gotta go to work.
LionSob and Ayesha, you better make it to the next one! Or I’ll…ummmmm…threaten you some more!
Well I have to check in on this one.
I had a great time and it was good to see some (now becoming) auld acquaintance. Ayesha and the LION were sorely missed. The LION called the bar when their transportation plans fell through and, as I had planned ahead for a bit of imbibing and had taken a taxi to the meet, I could do nothing. We later figured out an always on connection with Seale might’ve saved the day. Ook! C’est la vie!
But we did fete your birthday, dear!
Great event to meet some new people. h_thur’s a dear (who will undoubtably forgive the besotten beatle for the V’d fingers behind her head in the group photo - nothing personal, dear, it was strictly a target of opportunity thing). I hope to hear more from you on the board.
We had much discussion of what one does with the remains of the beloved. I believe esteemed scribe Irishman recorded it well, but did miss the issues involved when one (beatle by name) attempts to slip a kilogram package of whitish powder by airport security.
kellibob’s a damn hoot. I really like you dear, post more (but point the mommie-tank the other way).
So I sat in the corner of things with TheNerd and we talked a bit more than the group got to hear. 'Nerd’s a great guy, wrestling with a lot of issues that all of us have had. I like him a lot (pull the trigger with her, pal). Anyway, he seems to be doing well in the new Austin environment. That cop-car GIS is gonna be nifty…
I did enjoy the opportunity to talk a bit more with Shanin, after our initial meet a couple of months ago. She’s a very beautiful gal (not hornin’ in here, Seale) and I’m glad we’ve made better acquaintance.
Sealemon remains a just great naturally funny guy. A punchline per minute. Hoo Ha. Really, pal, always glad to see you.
Sealemon said:
Ah yes, and she did have a bit of difficulty finding the place. She took a wrong turn onto Richmond going inside the loop. Finally pulled up next to a cop car and asked for directions. Poor girl says the cop looked at her like she was an idiot. Bad cop!
I resent that. I’m not funny. Ever. I work at not being funny. To the very core of my being. I never smile or laugh. Shame on you for misleading these nice people. Next thing you know they’ll want me to come to their doper meetings. Probably to take notes.
I’m trying to picture how that’s accomplished. Hmmm.
beatle said:
Ah yes, forgot about that one. That reminds me of the other discussion of airport security. Someone was in Europe during the Gulf War, trying to fly home. (Was it France? Somewhere where they don’t speak English.) Walking through the airport he set off the metal detectors. Guy digs around in pockets and pulls out some coins or something. Goes through, still sets it off. Digs around, pulls out something else. Goes through a third time, still sets it off. Suddenly the machine gun toting guards decide to check him out closely, they grab him, push him up against a wall, and stick a gun barrel in his face. Wave the wand around, find out it’s the steel-toe boots he’s wearing.
Or something like that. I seem to have forgotten all the details, without my note pad. Don’t know how I overlooked that - must have been drunk. I was drinking like it was water.
(Note to those who weren’t there - after giving up on the false-Coke, I was drinking water. Thus the irony of that comment. See, it’s funny. Especially when I have to explain it.)
TheNerd, it sounds like I missed something in that other conversation. I was trying to follow both at once, and ended up wrapped up in the louder conversation. It was also the one that had Kellie in the compromising position. Hope beatle helped.
Now if we can just get the pictures…
I really enjoyed meeting y’all on Saturday. Was a little overwhelmed being back in (ahhh, memories) a bar with adults again, though, so I just sat back and watched and listened - drank it all in as the evening progressed. Trust me, a few more meetings and you will all be wishing I’d sit back and observe quietly again.
Kelliebob kept me in stitches all night. I still crack up over your labor story. I thank the gods that my labor wasn’t near as wild as yours.
I enjoyed Beatle’s stories of days passed. I’ve always had a soft spot for cabbies.
I am amazed by Irishman’s note taking ability. And he was so thoughtful to walk Kelliebob and me to our mommiemobiles, though I thought maybe he was just checking to see if Kelliebob’s vehicle was outfitted with paintball artillery.
As I am the least photogenic person in the world, I’m afraid to see Shanin’s pictures of us. Though I’m hoping that maybe Beatle’s “V” looks more like little devil horns behind my head.
I thought I picked a good spot to sit, between The Nerd and Sealemon, as the Nerd was rather quiet too. I thought I could pull it off, but Sealemon asked me a question. So I did talk, a bit. Nyah nyah. 
And Nerd, if you need any info on Austin, let me know. I lived there before I moved out this way.
You are all lovely, lovely people and I look forward to meeting with you again. I may actually be working in Houston before long. My supervisor called me a few minutes ago to tell me that we may lose our big natural gas contract (the one for which I was initially hired). I’m flying up this afternoon to Ames, Iowa, and the big pow-wow is tomorrow. Note to self: update resume on flight.
just you
just kidding. i came back, not sure for how long.
I finally found this thread so I figured it was about time I posted to it. Now down to business…
Wow! Thanks Beatle. That was so nice of you to say, you made me blush. It was nice to be able to actually visit with you at this meeting since I didn’t talk at the first one. I’m definately looking forward to the next (not yet planned) meeting so that I can hear some more of your funny stories from back in the day. It was fun seeing the guys that I had already met at the first Houston meeting I attended. I met a couple of new people h_thur and kelliebob (both women thankfully since I have noticed that the men seem to out number the women at both meetings I have attended.) They were both funny, h-thur was a little quiet but what would you expect with all the loud people in our group. Us quiet people can’t get a word in edge wise. kelliebob was a riot, she kept everyone laughing all night with her stories.
I knew I shouldn’t have gone to the bathroom. I missed this one but it sounds like it was an interesting story.
(hey beatle I hope Sealemon forgives me also, he did not know that I did that until now while reading this…hehehe)
Sorry Seale I couldn’t help myself! It’s beatles fault he made me do it (yeah…yeah that’s it that’s why I did it.)
I will hopefully have the pics back this weekend and I will work on having them up by next week. Ok I guess that’s all I had to add. I can’t wait to see everyone at the next Houston meeting!
yeah, I know I talk too much. It’s a coping mechanism for dealing with the stress of meeting people.
(As usual, I’m not entirely serious, and not entirely joking)
So, see what you’re missing IgnatiusJReilly (SP?), Cumulus, starfish and other Houston dopers?
Come on down for the next one!
Cess, we’d love to see you again. And it sounds like we might get Revedge to attend one if we make enough noise.
Now, how’re Ayesha and TheLION doing?
Oh, I’m having one for ya’ now, Satan (we talked about you, man, we really did!).
Another aspect of that HouDope gathering was that we did not have Ayesha to decode and divvy up the bill for us. We had to do it on our own. I think I made money on the bar tab.
So, guys, can we do this weekly (until Ayesha gets better)?
Still no pics Shanin, or did I just miss them?