I’m pretty sure the answer is: “Keep my damn mouth shut.” But I feel compelled to ask anyway.
I have this female friend at work. On two occasions we went and saw a movie together. Each time, we would both take our own cars. We would meet at a restaurant, have a bite to eat, then from there, we would both take my truck to the movie.
On both occasions, no “sexiness” happened. Which is exactly what I expected. I thought these “dates” were strictly platonic. Which is also what I wanted. I like going to the movies with her as she is one of my only friends that shares my geeky love of all things sci-fi.
Fast forward a couple of months later. I’m at a party. My friend is there with her new BF. They looked really good together. And I couldn’t be more happy for her as she hasn’t had some one special in her life for more than five years.
Later on that evening she pulls me aside and says: “We can still be friends right?” At the time, I thought it was a dubious thing to say but I said “Sure we can. Why not?” We hugged and went on.
So now, just yesterday my friend and a couple of other people were having dinner together. The conversation eventually led to her new BF. She made the remark “…I haven’t had a man in my life in five years…”(quip) She then leaned over and whispered in my ear: “I didn’t count you because we only went out on a couple of dates.”
It was at that point it became clear to me. She has it in her head that I was wanting something more out of those two dates we had.
I hope you guys will take my word for it but that just isn’t the case.
The only reason why I debate if I should say anything is because I sense a little bit of guilt from her. I think she feels bad for “letting me down.”
Really, anything you could possibly say would be mean and/or insulting, and will just embarrass her further: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know, I was never actually attracted to you.”
Let her think she broke your heart. Good for her ego, does you no harm. Maybe you’ll need a favor from her someday.
This reminds me of the time in high school where I hand to psych myself up for days to break it off with this girl so I could date a new girl. I was finally committed to doing it, and when I approached her after third period, she just blurted out something like “I don’t want to date anymore. I just want to date new people.” Then she spent the next few days asking if I was OK, and it’s not me, it’s her, etc.
I had to walk the line between acting like I was relieved (I was) and acting like I was torn up about it (I wasn’t). I had to act juuuuuust the right amount of ‘hurt’, so she wouldn’t feel bad.
That’s what you should do, perhaps to a milder degree.
Are you sure you’re not confusing that with Hot Tub Time Machine? Did you get stabbed with a fork?
(ETA, I just realized that was John Cusack’s part. John Cuskack…Say Anything…Thread Title. Coincidence?)
Let it go. The work it would take to clear out that mine field would eat up all your free time & break your back. Besides, another perfectly good company now has the contract. Wish them well!
If you had been quick enough, you could have done a theatrical swoon and sighed “Oh, you broke my heart!” I suppose you could still do it, if she mentions it again. Overplay it.
Just curious was there any subtle clues that she was interested in you more than just a platonic movie buddy that you might of missed ? Usually women are really stealthy about this it could be something as little as touching your arm for a split second during a conversation, flipping her hair.
I don’t think there’s any there there. She’s just trying to tell you she remembers your dates in case you thought there was more to it. You might be on her short list in case the new BF doesn’t work out, but you probably weren’t on her mind when she opted for the BF.
“Honey, when I date a girl, she KNOWS she’s been dated!”
Or you could just keep your mouth shut. The only thing that would prompt me to say something is if she keeps going on about it. Otherwise, as others have said, leave her her inconsequential misconception.
So it seems that as far as she’s concerned, you were friends, you briefly dated, sparks didn’t fly, and you returned to being friends. Is that about right?
Because it sounds like that’s really not far removed from your perception of events. As such, there’s nothing to be gained by over talking it, and probably plenty to be lost to sheer awkwardness. She’s happy, you’re happy, and no one has been deceived.
Seriously, KYDMS. It would just embarass your friend if you tell her you didn’t consider your get-togethers to be dates after she said she thought they were.
I think there’s a decent chance you’re imagining this, but even if you’re right then I doubt it’s going to make her feel better to learn that 1) you were never attracted to her and 2) she totally misinterpreted your “dates”.
Keep your mouth shut. No good can come of doing otherwise in this situation.
Probably not… (unless you are flabbergasted and offended enough that you wanna return the favor to her). Again, it’s a virtue.
(But then I can see why it sucks getting VD from a toilet seat.)
The only thing that would prompt me to say something is if she keeps going on about it. Otherwise, as others have said, leave her her inconsequential misconception.