say smething or keep my mouth shut?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My friends mom is a single mom. I feel for her situation. As Tme has goneby though Its become glaringly apparent that she doesnt have common sense and acts pretty damm irresponsible, and thiis sometimes spills. over onto myfriend and occasionally even me. If it was not for the fact she has had some tough breaks I wouod not feel as sympathetic as I do.
Heres some recent examples of her really irresponsible life skills, not sure what to call it. It seems like she is so apathetic about important things, and its hard to tell if she is just not that bright, and doesnt know better, or if shes just flat lazy and doesnt care. Sme examples, …she has a parttime job informally helping a neighbor. The other day she lamented how she has hardly any food in the fridge for the past week, and has been going to 711 to buy food spending way more than at a grocery store, because her car broke down six months ago. In six months she hasnt madeany effort to save some money to get her car fixed, when she does get paid from her job, the small amount she gets, she blows it on some tshirts, a purse, makeup etc. Then she asks other people or rides, including myself a few times.

Other example,…a few months ago she stepped on a nail. She hobbled around on it crying and complaining of the pain and how she was worried it might get infected. She has medicaid but refused to get her ass to the doctor and just hobbled around instead. Im not sure if she finally after all that, ended up going to the doctor or it just healed itself, i dont know, but it was damm annoying.

Her daughter seems to have inherited her life skills from her. She turned up pregnant from a guy with serious problems, he ended up in jail, and she now has a boyfriend who seems nice, but he has no job, no apparent motivation to do much besides watching tv and sleeping. The daughter got a job entry level, and after three weeks quit, because it didnt “pay enough”. so she decided to sit home and earn zero income rather than the entry level income. She is in her twenties and has no driver license, no job, and wont get her ass off the couch to save her life, she doesnt have a basic metro cell phone, and instead takes her moms cell phone to use, and his mom goes along with all thisl The mom watches the kids (twins) whenever her daughter feels like going off and fucking around at the mall, or clubbing etc
The last straw came for me last week when me and my friend agreed to take his mom grocery shopping, well i went along, he drove. His mom knew we didnt have alot of time and she told us she would be quick and only needed a few things. Once there, it turned out she spent close to an hour strolling down the aisles browsing at all kinds of things and after a while when he pointed this out, she was totally unconcerned and lazily said she wojld be done soon, it took another twenty minutes.

when we got to her house to unload the groceries,the daughter refused to help, aaying her head hurt. I told her after all we did she had to help, she stumbled out to the car like it was such a great burden and carried in maybe four or five bags out of about thirty, then went in her room to sleep without so much as a thank you or offer to put the food away.
The mom said “well shesnot feeling well, she had an ear infection last week but didnt go to the doctor”. I asked WHY she didnt see a doctor and she said “oh, shes been busy”
Busy? wth? doing what? Busy napping and going to the mall? too busy to save her hearing.
I felt i was gonna tell her they are both fucken stupid as hell but i left instead. The mom lamented about now she would have to put all the food away herself and i looked at her and said “no you dont, you need to make her put the food away, she needs to help” and she looked completely unconcerned about it and lamely said “its ok, she doesnt feel well” so we left and she was sitting there without a care in the world

Should i just keep my mouth shut if something like this comes up again, or should i say something? For her to ask me for rides, becajse she chooses to spend her money on junk instead of fixing her car, well i already decided Im not doing thatanymore

She seems to have no concern about the future, and does stupid shit like buying the twins chips and candy at 711 because the b daughter refuses to get off her ass and get a job and a car, etc.
Im tempted to drive over there and tell his b sister she needs to wash my car, in exchange for not doing shit after we spent two hours grocery shopping.

So, b dughter, you quit your job because you dont think it pays enough, so you could sit home and earn no income?

mom, you let her pawn off her twins on you with no demands for her to doanything, and when theres no food, you either walk to 711 to buy them junk, or call other people for rides sknce you spend your money on junk instead of fixing your car.

Then she has the nerve to tell her son he needs to find a higher paying job so he can “help” them.

2

I’d stay clear of the family altogether, sans your friend of course.
Help him get away from them…

Thus don’t say anything.

Soon as you say something, all bets are off and either they’re too dumb to understand what you are speaking about, or they’ll wise up and make your friendship difficult.

3

Why are you friends with people who piss you off?

4

It sounds like you’ve got the hots for your friend’s mom.

5

My friend doesnt piss me off, its his stupid mom and sister who leach off everyone…lit wouldnt be my business what they do except when i am put in the middle of it..

6

Is your keyboard broken?

7

I say, be a friend to your buddy, but avoid his family. It’s not your problem, unless your friend specifically asks you for advice or help. And even then, I’d keep my level of involvement with the relatives at a minimum.

8

“You cannot help someone by doing for them, what they should, or could do for themselves.”

Write it down, pin it up on your bathroom mirror, or somewhere else you can see it every damned day!

It’s your new mantra. And whenever you want to offer some assistance, step in and help, etc, keep repeating it to yourself and remembering you grocery outing.

She’s got kids and grand kids, it’s a little late in the game for her to spontaneously develop life skills. And besides you’re not everyone’s Mama.

It’s really you that needs the life lesson. These people are clearly a bottomless pit of needs. Save your assistance and helpfulness for where it will do some good, and be appreciated. You need to learn to offer your assistance more judiciously, I think.

They are pretty obviously beyond learning the lessons they so desperately need. What about you? Will you take a lesson from these events?

9

God, yes…yes, and yes. Did I say yes?

Although I only gave her a ride a few times, it pissed me off when I realized she was not making an attempt to save some money to fix her broken car

If my friend mentions to me about his mom or sisters next stupid move, I will just say please dont go there, I cant hear it

10

When it’s your family, you *sometimes * have the right to say something, depending on the circumstances and your relationship. When it’s your friends, you almost never do (unless, of course, children are being abused or neglected). What you do then is move on, if you can’t accept the way that they are living. You’re not married, you don’t have to love them unconditionally, people change and can and should move on when they are no longer compatible.

11

Your actions speak louder than your words. Refusing to help, or enable them anymore should send a clear message without much room for rationalization or argument.

12

Do you think you really have the power to influence someone else’s mother? People try to change their parents all the time and they get absolutely nowhere. Unless you’re Dr. Phil, you’re not going to do much but potentially embarrass yourself and risk upsetting your relationship with your friend.

You most likely have better things to do than to a chastise a grown-ass woman about how she conducts her life.

13

Her mom is a lazy, irresponsible, mooching bum. A member of the entitlement class. There are millions like her. These people can’t be fixed. The only thing you can do is stay away from them. And vote for politicians who promise to cutoff these leeches.

14

If you came over to where I lived and told me I had to wash your car because you helped my mom with groceries - all you would get is a door hitting you in the face and a visit from the police.

Just leave it alone and know for yourself that going forward you’re staying out of the middle. Make sure your friend knows this and that he needs to stop bringing up the subject because you have no interest in helping any more. Good for you if you manage to do that and keep his friendship. It sounds like he’s using you to help deflect some of the neediness of his family.

15

Well, it wouldnt be for helping her mom with groceries…its because she lay on the floor exoecting us to lug in the bags. As soon as I realized she was not going to help, I sat down and wouldnt carry any more bags. I guess its somtimes fhe kind of thing where I feel bad for the kids,she buys them chips and candy instead of food

16

Were you drunk when you composed the OP? :confused: Why is it so poorly written?

17 
Yes, I will firmly but cheerfully refuse to enable them.
18

I told my friend I expect his sister to wash my car in exchange for the couple times I helped her out and he said he already cussed her out and told her what a leach she is. He said expecting her to contribute wont do anything.

19

Sounds like you need to learn some life skills yourself.

She can’t be assed to bring in the bags? Fine. You take them out of the trunk and leave them on the sidewalk.

She can’t grasp the concept of time limits in a store? You can’t bring yourself to enforce time limits by saying “Ladies, we can’t be here all day. Thirty minutes in the store and then in line at the register. Preplan your shopping with the online circular.”???

You “expect” his sister to wash your car? She’s not your slave. If this was a work barter or exchange, you should have made a deal at the outset. You don’t get to arbitrarily command people to do work for you. Don’t want to do shit for free, then don’t. Easy as that.

20

Yea, I suppose I just have to let it go knowing if tge little b calls me asking for a ride I will cheerfully say I cant. If my friend asks if I want to go with him while he enables them, ditto. I do feel bad for the kids,who oftentimes are fed candy and chips instead of a real meal, because they refuse to get their shit together. Once they were sick and he told me they werent sure how high their fever was because she didnt want to bother to buy a thermometer. If I recall, parents need a basic thermometer for when their kids get sick. That just plain pisses me off.