So I’m drivin down the road, and I stop at a stoplight, and I notice this whole damn van full of skinheads staring at me. They just keep staring, looking all mean, like they want to tear me apart or something. I had a pretty bad day, and I was working with a very short fuse, so I just couldn’t restrain myself. I jumped out of the car, yanked open the door, and started beating on some skinheads. I figured I’d get my ass kicked, but these guys were PUSSIES! I must have beat like 12 of them to the ground in five minutes. So I get back in my car, and I start to drive off, and I notice the side of their nazi-mobile…a big ole sticker that says “Johnston Willis hospital: cancer patient transfer vehicle”…Damn I felt dumb…
Sorry, that’s a sick ass joke, but I just had eight beers and chinese food, my mind isn’t working properly
A man walks into a bar, with a cage containing three ducks. The barman notices the sign on the cage, which reads “Walt and his amazing talking ducks”. The barman quizzes the customer, who insists that the ducks can talk. Eventually Walt feels the need to visit the lavatory and so the barman decides to check out the ducks.
“Hello, duck and what is your name?” he asks.
To his amazement the duck replies “Hi, there sir, I am called Huey”.
“How has your day been?” asks the barman.
“Fine”, comes the reply, “it has been a wonderful day, and for entertainment, I’ve been able to go in and out of puddles all day!”
Turning to the second duck, the barman says, “And how about you?”
“Hi, I’m Duey” says the second duck “and I have spent all day going in and out of puddles as well!”.
Impressed, the barman turns to the third, bedraggled duck and says, “and I suppose you are Louie?”
“No” it replies, “my name is Puddles and don’t even think of asking me what kind of day I’ve had!”
YES! YES YES YES!!!
Brothers and sisters, let me share for a moment, if you will.
One of my teachers, Mr Grey (known as “Christ” for his frequent expletives) had a poster on his wall of the Wankel Rotary Engine in all its glory. Inevitably this attracted much adolescent sniggering.
It was only last week when I met up with a friend from school that we realised THE GUY WAS AN ENGLISH TEACHER. The only possible reason for the poster was that HE WAS TAKING THE PISS OUT OF US!
Doesn’t that just make you happy? I feel so much less guilty for making his life hell…
One year on a church choir tour, we guys got stuck with the sanctuary. So, after “lights out”, a bunch of guys down front kept talking. After a few attempts to keep the peace, one of the sponsors said “Alright, whoever says one more word has to wash the bus tomorrow.”
it was dead silent for a minute. Then somone said “Watermelon.” You’d never heard people laugh so hard in their lives.
Two penguins meet while walking across an ice floe and one of them sneers at the other and says, “You look like you’re wearing a tuxedo.” And the other one says,
“Maybe I am.”
Hehehehehe!
Dude, I took that Gorilla personality test and it is wack! It said I was Choomba, the bossy/cruel one who kidnaps gorilla babies, even though I said at parties I stand alone in the corner and my ideal meal involves foraging for wild mushrooms. Isn’t there a dorky gorilla I could be?
This car mechanic looks up and sees a car come clump-thunking into his parking lot, smoke and an alarming noisecoming out from under the hood. The door of the car opens and a penguin hops out. The penguin comes over to the mechanic and says, “I was driving down the road and the engine started doing some really scary stuff. Can you take a look at it?”
The mechanic says, “Sure, but it’ll take an hour or so to find the problem.”
The penguin looks across the street and sees a seafood restaurant. “Okay, I’ll go have some lunch while I wait,” he says.
About an hour later, the penguin comes back. The mechanic looks up and sees him; he says, “Looks like you blew a seal.”
The penguin snaps, “What kind of a pervert do you think I am?” then wipes his beak, looks at his wing, and says, “OH. No, this is just tartar sauce.”
