It’s called a restraining order here in the US, but you have to prove that you fear violence from the other person. Wouldn’t work in this case, and would make Chekmate look like a wuss. 
From what I have seen of the tele-evangelicals, I believe the appropriate response is to shout in a southern drawl, “Hallelujah! You are saved!” and then smack the fellow in the forehead as hard as you can with the palm of your hand so that he falls down backwards in a dazed or unconscious state.
I always respond to these types by telling them that I’m a “Tolkienist.”
Our saviour, Frodo of the Nine Fingers, destroyed the Ring of Doom to save the world from Sauron, the agent of Melkor.
The fundies insist that Lord of the Rings is just a book, but at least I know for sure who the author is.
I usually make it up as I go along, and the in-your-face thumpers leave more quickly than if I were to debate religion on their terms.
My friend’s father has a simple but effective way of dealing with these people when they come knocking, and all it takes is four little words. He looks them straight in the eye and raises his eyebrows for a moment, before craning his head back into the house and shouting… “Woman! Get mah gun!” in his best hill-billy voice.
Incidentally, he tells me it also works on salespeople.
heee heee 
This thread is funny!
[hijack]
You studied aikido? I’ve been told that would be the martial art for me.
[/hijack]
Esprix
He is matt_mcl - what more explanation do you need?
Esprix
I need the teary-eyed laughing smilie from the parlor for this.
Phantasy 1:
Fundie: Do you believe that Jesus Christ, the son of God, died on the Cross for your sins, in order for you to find the way to heaven?
Me: ::Cocks head, twitches left eye, and slowly raises eyebrows. :: Are you prepared to die? I have this lovely marinade.
Phantasy 2:
Fundie: Do you believe that Jesus Christ, the son of God, died on the Cross for your sins, in order for you to find the way to heaven?
Me: No, I am wating for the ten-o’clock show, where he juggles live wombats over a pit of fire.
Phantasy 3:
Fundie: Do you believe that Jesus Christ, the son of God, died on the Cross for your sins, in order for you to find the way to heaven?
Me: :: Grabs shoulders in imitation of looney. :: Are you paying too much for long distance?
Phantasy 4:
Fundie: Do you believe that Jesus Christ, the son of God, died on the Cross for your sins, in order for you to find the way to heaven?
Me: Do you believe that I, the son of a military man, am perfectly willing to lodge my hand in your maxillary sinuses, in order for you to find the way to the ER?
Phucktard. 
I’m sitting here at the computer in my office trying to stare ahead with a straight face, raise my eyebrows, and then turn around to yell, “Woman! Get mah gun!”
Sadly, I cannot do it. This would be my new favorite fundy trick.
Daniel
Well, it all started on this idle Saturday, near exit 7A on the Jersey Turnpike. This big tractor trailer couldn’t get all the way over to the “Trucks/Buses Only” lane, and started merging onto me. I got pinned into two other trucks and thought it was curtains for me. I screamed “Oh my God!” and laid on the horn.
Then, out of nowhere, the voice of Lawrence Welk came in through the radio. And he spoke unto me, saying:
At which point I did so, and miraculously, I was saved! So, why do I not believe that God has the voice of Lawrence Welk? Because LW would never advise me in defensive driving using a stupid Hollywood move from Top Gun.
Tripler
And no, “Goose” isn’t slang for “God” neither. . .
Perhaps you should consider becoming an Iluvatarian.
- Ilu Ilúvatar en káre eldain a fírimoin
The Father made the World for Elves and Mortals - ar antaróta mannar Valion: númessier.
and he gave it into the hands of the Lords. They are in the West. - Toi aina, mána, meldielto - enga morion:
They are holy, blessed, and beloved: save the dark one. - talantie. Melko Mardello lende: márie.
He is fallen. Melko [Melkor] has gone from Earth: it is good. - En kárielto eldain Isil, hildin Úr-anar.
For Elves they made the Moon, but for Men the red Sun; - Toi írimar. Ilyain antalto annar lestanen
which are beautiful. To all they gave in measure the gifts - Ilúvatáren. Ilu vanya, fanya, eari,
of Ilúvatar. The World is fair, the sky, the seas, - i-mar, ar ilqa ímen. Írima ye Númenor.
the earth, and all that is in them. Lovely is Númenor. - Nan úye sére indo-ninya símen, ullume;
But my hearth resteth not here for ever, - ten sí ye tyelma, yéva tyel ar i narqelion,
for here is ending, and there will be an end and the Fading, - íre ilqa yéva nótina, hostainiéva, yallume:
when all is counted, and all numbered at last, - ananta úva táre fárea, ufárea!
but yet it will not be enough, not enough. - Man táre antáva nin Ilúvatar, Ilúvatar
What will the Father, O Father, give me - enyáre tar i tyel, íre Anarinya qeluva?
in that day beyond the end when my Sun faileth?
http://www.uib.no/People/hnohf/firiel.htm
I’ve found that chanting in Quenya at fundamentalists trying to witness for me tends to scare 'em.
AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!
Even the elves have missionaries now!
Crap.
Elvis has missionaries? What, do they go from door to door singing Love Me Tender, and Hound Dog?
What?
Crying in the Chapel
I Beg of You
It's Now or Never
Playin' For Keeps
That's When Your HeadachedPerfection!!
Here’s what I normally do
Them: Did you know Jesus Christ loves you?
Me: Oh shit! You fell for that line too? You know, the bitch never called me back.
Hasn’t it occurred to anyone that the sister and the boyfriend know that Chekmate is an atheist and are going out of their way to fuck with him?
I would. Atheists are more fun than fundamentalists when you get them all riled up. That’s because they think they’re the sensible ones.
Just reply with Eccesiates (spelling, I know…) 10:19:
“A feast is for laughter and wine makes life merry, but money is the answer to all things.” This usually gets them heated!
The KJV version of the quote. Thanks, Aphthartadocetist (whose name is even harder to spell than Ecclesiastes :D).
They aren’t from Scunthorpe, are they?