I once had a couch that turned out to have a pocket between the back and seat that was so big that I could shove my arm into it down to the elbow. It was a deep pocket.
I found it when the vacuum attachment pulled up a sock. When I explored it fully, I found a hairbrush, some hair bands, a book, and a set of cold chisels.
Furniture can be deceptive.
We’ve used all those appliances and did a bit of a clean-out of the fridge and freezer today; if it was there I’m pretty sure we would have found it. Or died from the fumes when we cooked something today!
I’m starting to think it is in some mystery pocket of the couch, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Perhaps a gap we never noticed that leads to a space under the cushions. It’s a leather couch and all sewn together so I’m not really sure how to go about exploring it more than we have, but I’ll try in the morning.
I’m sorry to hear this, but I can’t wait to hear that you’ve beaten it with a stick.
Fuck cancer!
Lucky! Now you have a remote for each nightstand!!!
And can have remote duels with another household member! 
Ha…!
When we first bought our house, we found out that our neighbor had a remote on the same frequency as ours & ‘liked to play games’. I had put our TV on a surge protector (on the floor) so I decided that any night that I had to get up to go “pee” I’d tap the off switch with my foot and the ‘on’ button on the remote as I did the wee-hours man walk of shame.
Game. Set. Match.
Check the car. I know someone who had the remote in her hand when leaving the house, then went somewhere in the car, leaving the remote on the center console.
That absolutely sounds like something I’d do.
(Haven’t “lost” my glasses on top of my own head yet, but that’s only because I never push them up there.)
Oh … you need a rant from me? Okay.
Can all of humanity just stop being assholes and idiots, for like, a few minutes?
Oh I’ve panic searched for my glasses when they were on my head several times.
A few years ago while I was at work I thought I had lost my car or it was stolen. It wasn’t in its normal spot outside the agency.
Then I discovered my car keys were missing.
Then I took a deep breath and remembered it was getting serviced at the local garage.
A lovely dream, with a lamentable lack of connection to reality. (sigh)
“Hang on, I gotta call you back. I need to look up { xyz thing } and I canNOT friggin’ find my phone.”
{ hangs up call }
{ looks at object in hand }
{ blinks, facepalms }
Sometimes, the human brain is an absolute marvel.
… and then, there’s other times.
ETA: if you facepalm WHILE holding your phone, you bonk your own nose. Just to make yourself feel extra speshul stoopit.
I often panic search for my keys while driving.
Ok you guys are making me feel not so alone with my absurd occasional ack of self awareness.
LOL!
We are pontooning with our dogs today. Our routine involves me going to the marina early with the cooler. I uncover and rig the boat, preparing for the day.
I stopped at a Sheetz for ice, dressed like a slob capitan. A guy in a suit putting gas in his ride hollered at me, “You should be dressed for church!” (I assume that was a reprimand?)
I hollered back, “My church doesn’t meet Sunday morning!”
“Oh, you’re Jewish?”
“Nope, I’m an atheist!”
Immediate shutdown. I guess I said the a word. He acted like I’d slapped him across the face. I couldn’t help but holler a final reply, “have a nice day!” He couldn’t even look at me.
I’ve done that.
Then there was the time I had just finished fueling the car, put it in gear, disengaged the parking brake, and could NOT figure out why the car wasn’t moving. Turns out it’s very helpful to start the engine. 
(In my defense, it was after midnight, my day had started at or before 6am, and it happened to be the day my husband had gotten his leg broken at work, so mega-stress.)
Oh that is simply awesome!
Dear gawd why would suited Sheetz man think it was appropriate to even say something like that?
Happy you got the have a nice day last word in.
Small town Appalachia does not like to acknowledge its resident atheists. I’ve been slowly “coming out” as an atheist and it has been … interesting.
Enjoy your time on the water.
Thanks! We are. Each time out might be the final excursion of the season.
For most of my life I kept totally silent about my beliefs. One good thing about getting old is having no more fucks to give! 
This, so much this. Or, as I am prone to say: “no shit!!”.
Jesus, @Kayaker, where the hell do you live? I live in a deeply red county in a deeply red state, surrounded by Evangelicals, and not once has anyone taken exception to me not being ready for church on Sunday morning.
My rant: I stop in a Casey’s (Midwestern convenience store chain) that’s on my way to work a couple of times a week. I get there at approximately 7:50-7:52 every time I stop in there – you know, right in the middle of morning rush. Without fail, they’ll have a line 5-6 people deep, with one register open. The employees back in the kitched will be going nuts doing their thing, so they can’t open a register. But there’s always another employee – same woman every time – who’s there, but she’s doodling on her phone, or scratching her lottery tickets. I’ve sent a strongly-worded email to Casey’s headquarters but it does no good.
Is she actually on shift at the time?