After many days’ journey, you now stand outside the cave the old man in the tavern described. So far the map he sold you seems to be correct. Shining your lantern into the depths, you can make out the carved stone steps towards the rear of the cave leading down to the entrance to the Tomb of Glazmorg the Mighty.
What would you like to do?
cast magic missiles, of course!
First, a good stiff belt from my brandy flask.
Then, tighten my shield straps and draw my longsword. Tell the Thief to go ahead and check for traps.
Buy a vowel?
Roll to see if I’m drunk yet.
Neither the cave entrance nor the stone steps seem to be trapped, though the steps are covered with moss and are very slippery. The thief reports that they lead down about forty feet to a door.
Knowing that the thief is leading us to our death, I give him a solid push down the slippery steps.
Either he’ll trigger the traps and clear the path, or he’ll fall forty feet and probably be incapacitated, in which case we can keep throwing his body ahead to trigger more traps.
Surreptitiously glance around at the rest of the party to see if anyone seems about to take the lead.
Boldly volunteer to take rear guard duty.
I produce my Holy Symbol, & cast Continous Light on a large, squarish rock. I throw it down the stairs.
What do we see at the bottom?
PS–my Footman’s mace & large shield are ready.
If we don’t see the thief down there, then we’ve got real problems.
But are there girls?
Smote the demons on all sides with my augmented mithril greatsword, after having my trusty Mage-Priest cast Divine Warrior and Arcane Shield upon me, and quaffing an invulnerability elixir (not that I need it of course - it’s just for effect. Just to make those demons really scared…)
I thought the title was s&mb D&D…
I grab my whip of flogging +5 and proceed to spank my naughty thief…
Kalamazoo Mi. doesn’t allow anybody to spank their naughty theif in a public place without doing 90 days in the old kalabozo, slortar.
Guess you’re in for an enforced vacation. 
At the bottom of the stone stairs you see the fresh corpse of a thief. He appears to have cracked his skull open. The stairs end in front of an arch sealed by a large stone door. Runes of warning are carved into the stone. It appears that at one point there was an iron beam helping to seal the door, but it has been torn off and is leaning against the wall to the left.
That thief won’t be able to betray us. We sure showed him.
I’ll call for the bold, brave, and literate cleric to come pay close attention to the runes. I’m sure they’ll tell him how best to open the door.
If lno’s character is weaker than me, I’ll whack him in the back of the head for killing the thief.
If he’s stronger, I’ll mutter darkly into my beard and take another swig from my flask.
While everyone is looking at the corpse, I pull out my Automatic Cream Pie gun from my Bag Of Many Things and proceed to boggle the rest of the par–
What, aren’t we playing Toon?
(And now I have to close my office door, because the whole “spank my naughty thief” bit is giving me an uncontrollable case of the giggles. Snigger!)
*Carefully walking down the steps, I take a moment to read the runes. *
Well, it looks like there is some pretty nasty stuff behind this door. Are we sure we want to go in? Ok?!
[sensual voice]After you mister big warrior.[/sensual voice]
[smile coquetishly at the big warrior]
Melissa
Um… I open the door?