I’ll vote for Niceguy. Even though he isn’t a Charter Member(yet) he sure sounds like one from the get-go.
What need has a diabetic for pie? The chubby amongst us, shall we be fattened on ice cream, like lambs to the slaughter?
What are we to eat with our fava beans and a nice chianti? PIE?
You see where I’m going with this, friends. There are a lot of pie lobbyists and special interest groups that will give you pie, but only after snatching the rare and bloody steak from your grasp. We need an alternative. My fellow Dopers, what I see here are a lot of vague promises and carb-laden pastries, but where are the tasty bits of meat and cheese?
The questions is obvious: Who will bring home the bacon? Who will fry it up in a pan?
Where, my dear dear friends, is the beef?
Wow! An exciting last night to the election I am sure everyone will agree! In the end it was too close to call and too difficult to count, so I am just going to make up a result. ****Swampbear ** ** is the official Mock President of the SDMB! I would like to be the first to offer my congratulations. I can’t be though, because apparently he has gone on a cruise. Somehow, that seems entirely appropriate to the gravitas of this event. Well done Swampy!
Special mention should go to TwistofFate. Despite a late entry and a complex manifesto, **Twisty ** nearly turned the election on its head. It may have been the prudence of explaing in detail his tax raising fiscal policy. More likely it was mention of a Shiny Spoon. I feel it right an proper to award Twisty the **Al Gore ** *Bugger, How Is It I Am Not President Award * for the quality of his campaign.
Credit must also go to jsgodess. It is difficult not to admire a candidate who places such value on democracy, that she goes to the time and expense of publishing a manifesto after the polls have closed. We may never know, but it just might be that **jsg ** is the greatest president we never had.
Any way, I am sure that I will not be alone in looking forward to the return of our victorious president and hoping when come back, bring pie.
Woo hoo!
delightedly tosses handfuls of chads
Impeach Swampy! He didn’t even wait for the polls to close before disappearing off on a JUNKET! I’ll bet when he comes back, he doesn’t even bring PIE!
harrumph!
I do not recognise this result. What right has a mere vegetable to decide when the polls will close? My rights as a charter member were trampled on, as I didn’t even see this election before courgette - who is being paid off by swampbear - closed the polls.
I demand an investigation. And I vote for Yojimbo - who I know will protect the rights of us non-USA dopers!!
No votes for my “law and order” platform? None? Fine. All you heathens just have at it then!
Cue the lawyers. We should be able to drag this out through Thanksgiving.
Hmmm. Looks like I should have given more thought to procedural matters at the outset. Frankly these elections have been a shambles. That should not take anything away from, uh, something. As self appointed returning officer, I confess I am unable to pinpoint exactly any redeeming features in the electoral decisions I made. I can, however, at least point to all of the pie that Swampy promised. No one can dispute that. Hey, where is the pie? Where is Swampy? What did you say? He has invested all our pie money on a cruise? Oooooh…
::gets dragged off by the electoral fraud police::
My Fellow Dopers:
I stand before you tonight, as the proud unofficial President of the SDMB. Ok, I’m sitting, not standing, kinda hungover still, a little sunburned and I confess I only ate pie once all week. It was key lime. I did however, declare cheese cake, creme brule, cherries jubilee, and baked Alaska to be pies and proudly ate all our new pies several times during the week. What? I’m President! I can so too make up stuff like that. That OTHER President makes up stuff about countries having stuff that ain’t real neither and HE gets away with it, so I can too. So There! 
I hereby declare lightingtool Vice-President and official keeper of beer and cookies.
twicks is Head Person in Charge of Finding Out Whether Or Not Potential Dates Are Serial Killers and Lord High Executioner.
Other posts will be filled on a first come first served basis. Feel free to make up something and declare yourself to be whatever that is.
I gotta go now, the pizza person will be here shortly. It’s pie! Pizza! Pie! Pie! Pie!
Fill in whatever it is a President is supposed to say when he’s finished making a speech here.
Sure, swampy took the electoral college, but what about the popular vote. Which appears to have been about dairy prostitutes and transgender pie, which may or may not be the name of my next band.
I look forward to devoting my mad psycho-discerning skilz to the betterment of all single Dopers everywhere!
Um, maybe I should rephrase that…
Hmmph. Here I am sitting in jail and my Mock President is indulging in junkets and practising cronyism with his pals. Don’t be surprised if this presidential term does not end in luxury raspberry pavlova for the Swampians and dry sponge for the rest of us.
My fellow dopers I recomend that we organise and overthrow this despotic tyrant! Rally to the shiny spoon!
He doesn’t need to practice cronyism – he’s got it mastered. So to speak.
twicks, psycho-detector and executioner
ahem.
;j
I claim the post of Minister of Intelligence. As you can see from my user name I’m uniquely qualified for this position.