SDMB Ongoing Depression Support Thread

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
261

I forgot to add, no one in real life has ever revealed their depression to me before. And now I know what NOT to say. :slight_smile: Though I have to say, it wouldn’t have occurred to me not to express empathy by saying I’ve deal with depression too. If someone were to say they were sick with something else that I’ve experienced, I wouldn’t be afraid to say, “Oh man. I know that’s rough, having gone through something similar. I’m sorry to hear you’re dealing with it too. Let me know if I can help.” I think I would try to word it like this, if I were ever in the situation.

I’d much rather hear this than, “Depression? What the hell is that like?”

262

Same here.

263

Heh. There’s a certain dark comedy in that, but it is strangely true. Depression doesn’t really lend itself well to group support.

Hands up if, upon reading about other people having depression, you’ve ever thought something along the lines of “Geez, they’ve got depression and seem to be doing okay. I guess it’s not the depression that’s causing my problems - I must just suck.”

Bet it’s not just me…

264

When I hear other people talk about their depression, I always feel guilty. I have experienced suicidal ideation, apathy, and anhedonia. But crying jags? Inability to get out of bed? Fatigue? Nope, none of those things. The metaphor with the weights has never applied to me (and for this I am grateful).

Does this mean I’m not depressed? This is not a rhetorical question; I ask myself and my therapist this all the time. So this is why I’m ambivalent about my diagnosis…and maybe it’s why I don’t feel comfortable talking about it in real life. I don’t have the typical experience, if there is one, and I’d be the first to admit it.

265

It’s not just you. Part of why I always stall so long before dragging my ass somewhere for help is that I see others who are sicker and sadder and I think maybe I’m exaggerating and I should just shut up already.

I think it’s a tendency of many depressed individuals to dismiss their own feelings as wrong and try to ignore them.

[QUOTE=monstro]
When I hear other people talk about their depression, I always feel guilty. I have experienced suicidal ideation, apathy, and anhedonia. But crying jags? Inability to get out of bed? Fatigue? Nope, none of those things. The metaphor with the weights has never applied to me (and for this I am grateful).
Does this mean I’m not depressed?
[/QUOTE]

It affects different people differently. I suppose it’s possible you’ve got something related to depression and a little different, but maybe not. Everyone has an individual brain chemistry. The fact that the medical community still can’t tell exactly what’s wrong in depression and end up treating it by throwing various drugs at it until one sticks shows me that it’s an incredibly complicated disorder.

266

Hey, that’s today! GOOD LUCK!

267

Depression manifests itself differently for different people, so no, it doesn’t mean you’re not depressed. And that’s part of the value of this kind of thread, in that you get to see all the different ways it can be experienced, that it’s not always “typical” and doesn’t follow the same specific pattern for everybody. It can also be affected by, or affect, other conditions as well, like the chronic pain disorders.

268

Thanks, just eating some breakfast, which I never do, so I won’t go all bloodsugar-crashy. Hope it doesn’t just sit in my stomach like a rock, which is why I usually don’t eat until I’ve been up for several hours.

Crappy night of sleep again in spite of the sleeping pill. I swear, I woke up at least every freaking hour. But I think I’m prepared for the interview and the presentation I have to give. At least it’s directly related to my experience.

269

There is no One True depression. No doctor in her right mind would tell you that you don’t have depression if you happen to miss out on one symptom, double down on another, or experience a third but only half as intense as others seem to. It’s a constellation of symptoms with a lot of variability in there.

My problem with the way my fellow church members responded to me was that their saying “Me too. It’s tough.”, going by tone of voice, body language, and facial expression, seemed to equate depression with “I spent my whole weekend doing yard work.” I mean, yeah, not the ideal way to spend a weekend, and they might have had some sore muscles after, but they weren’t exactly doubting their value as a human being because their brain chemistry was so off kilter.

270

It’s been a rough few weeks. Not sleeping. No energy. Irritable. Anxious.

The only thing that it keeping me going is the fact that I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist. I am hoping he can at least help me figure out my meds (because sleeping seems somewhat important, no?). I am additionally hoping I can get diagnosed with something.

In my wildest dreams, he will take me on for counselling (it’s the only kind covered under our health plan).

<fingers crossed that something happens>

Any experiences?

271

Perfectparanoia, my experience with psychiatrists is that they’re great for dispensing medicine, but not as great at counseling as a psychotherapist. Mileage varies, of course.

In other news, I have a job! I start Monday.

I’m absolutely terrified.

272

Awesome!!! Congratulations!! You just have to get through the first awkward days, then you’ll feel so much better.

273

Think of it this way, what’s the worst thing that happens? The job sucks and you are at least getting a paycheque or the job sucks and you only work there for a little while.

You are no further behind than you were yesterday, right?

Good luck!

274

Eeeeeheeheeheeheeeeeeeee gaspwheezechoke

Whew.

The good news is that it’s very much in line with my previous experience.

The bad news is that I had a bit of a nervous breakdown after three years in that position, due to the stress of the job and the community politics.

The good news is that this position doesn’t have the same kind of community politics involved, so that shouldn’t be as much of a problem.

The bad news is that it’s not quite local, and I will absolutely need a car for use on the job, which I don’t currently have.

The good news is that my darling 'rents-in-law are willing to buy us a used car, so all we’ll have to pay for is insurance and maintenance and fuel and such.

The bad news is that we don’t have the money even for that much at the moment, nor for anything else that will have to be paid or purchased between our benefits being cut off at the end of this week and my first paycheque at the end of the month.

The good news is that I won’t absolutely need the car yet during the initial induction and familiarization stage.

The bad news is that it’s a two-hour journey by public transit and costs over £13 for the train ticket, which my disability concession discount card won’t help with because it takes me out of the area covered by the scheme.

The good news is that it’s part time with flexible hours and days, so I can distribute my time there to minimize travel costs and be able to schedule things like appointments and volunteering and family events and such on days off.

The bad news is that it’s not enough hours to qualify for working tax credit.

The good news is we’ll probably still qualify for some level of means-tested housing benefit once I have proof of what my income will be.

The bad news is that I’m scared stiff that I just won’t be able to cut it after so many years of deranged unemployment.

The good news is that I HAVE A JOB!!!ELEVENTY!!!

OMGWTFBBQ

275

This is true. And we can both get out from under the thumb of the daft and useless work programme, which is a bonus.

Thanks! :wink: I am actually eager to get started, gutterflies notwithstanding.

276

Yeah, when I was seeing a psychiatrist for counseling, he’d ask me about my week and use my responses to determine if my meds needed adjusting. He had no interest in helping me understand and cope with my feelings and behaviors, he was just all about the chemical aspects.

This is GREAT NEWS!

277

Yes, exactly. This was my experience as well. He was useful in getting me on the disability version of unemployment for the time being, but it wasn’t until I had a good psychologist to talk to that I actually started to improve. The right meds do help, but they don’t address the issues, only the chemical imbalances.

On that note, I have an appointment to go back to the psychiatrist who was supposed to make the request for me to take Wellbutrin “off license”, coincidentally on the same day I’d made an appointment with my GP asking if he knew how that was going. So maybe there’s good news. Probably if the answer was “no” after all this time she’d have just written me a letter rather than making me an appointment.

does happy and slightly nervous “has a job” dance

Maybe I should take that to a different thread, heh.

278

Don’t you dare- we need good news, optimism, and happy dancing here darnit!

Semi-good news, here: I’ll be getting compensated for my missing 33 hours of pay this Friday, which is a week earlier than I expected.

Doc doubled my Adderall dosage(again) to 40mg. Hopefully that will get me up off my butt and on my feet.

Still haven’t started my therapy journal. I’m scared, I guess.

I need to get my sleep back on a saner schedule. I’m up really late, with no one to talk to. Even the boards here go pretty quiet after midnight or so. I’m lonely. :frowning:

279

Ms. Pumpkin, just in case you’re up and reading the threads, I’m up too and bursting with things I find hard to say.

280

Me too. I’ve been sleeping all day the past few days. I stopped taking Strattera. It’s an ADHD med that I was taking along with the stimulants (dexmethylphenidate). It’s an SNRI that can also be used for depression but it has one other attribute I was unaware of. It’s an NMDA antagonist.

I think that made it a bad drug for me for a lot reasons I can’t really articulate. Suffice it to say that I think it was interfering with my thought processes since NMDA receptors are one of 2 type of glutamate receptors and NMDA agonists (the opposite of antagonists) are use to treat certain type of dementia.

So I stopped both the amphetamines and the Straterra and have been going through withdrawal for a few days now so I can see what the effects of just the amphetamines will be. In the mean time I’ve been taking an AMPA agonist which is the other type of glutamate receptor to see what effect that has. It’s hard to say though since w/drawal is such an unpleasant process.