No friggin’ kidding. I’ve managed to stay out of all the inter-related threads, but I did do a bit of yelling at one particularly clueless newcomer in IMHO. Other than that thread (which wasn’t even originally about sexual assault), I’ve stopped reading. Too stressful.
Doctor’s appt. this afternoon, followed by my second visit to the therapist. Something needs to happen. I’m supposed to return to work in four days, and I just don’t see that happening.
[QUOTE=Foggy]
More than anything I wish I just didn’t exist.
[/QUOTE]
HOLY JESUS M-F-ing CHRIST! My dumb-ass employer just deposited the money I was supposed to receive 18 days (and four overdraft charges) ago. Miracles really CAN happen. :rolleyes:
This song has really inspired me lately. I’m still finding new mening in it every time i hear it. One thing is that when I feel worthless or hopeless it doesn’t mean that I AM worthless or hopeless. I can see that when I look back down the pit is was in. It felt so much deeper when I was at the bottom. I know now that it is worth the pain and anxiety to get out of there, because I feel like a real person again.
Ms. Pumpkin, I’m glad you got your money finally! Good luck with your appointment too. Can you go back to work part time? Two days a week or something, to ease back into it? I kinda know what you must be feeling about it. Being productive always helps me feel better, but when I am at work, there is an equal chance that I feel completely overwhelmed and irritated at the things I have to deal with. Lately, work has been better if a show up with something to look forward to when I get to leave. Thats not much, as my life is boring and I have no friends, but it still helps.
I have posted about my feelings of suicide, which have been with me for decades. Last November I came close to it (for a given value of “close”), all I achieved was to break my computer and bring my ex to tears.
There are only two people in my life, my mother & my ex (Lincoln). I don’t want to hurt them, but I want out. Sometimes I feel resentment towards them as they are in my way of what I want more than anything in the world.
That of course leads me to feeling like a world class asshole.
I live in a bad neighborhood. I keep hoping that I will be one of those innocent bystanders the next time the bullets fly.
No, panaccione, it’s not comforting to most of us. The stories that are shown in that are full of despair and pain, and those are the last things we need to be reminded of.
Do you have clinical depression, panaccione? I’m not talking about feeling down or lonely or the normal grief that comes from loss of a loved one. I’m talking about a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes its sufferers to feel disproportionate amounts of emotional pain, guilt, and self-hatred. I’m talking about an illness so overwhelming that many - including myself at times - have seriously considered taking their lives in order to escape the pain.
The stories in those videos aren’t grief. They aren’t sadness. They are people confessing acts so heinous, they wouldn’t dare voice them out loud and in person. Someone faked their death with 9/11? Another person copy and pasted an innocent victim’s head onto porn?
What with allergies trying to turn into an ear infection, I’m feeling like absolute crap which of course translates to mental as well as physical. All through my yoga session today I kept thinking of all the things I need to do. I’m not doing any of them. I need my glasses adjusted, I need to get the O2 sensor replaced in my car, I need to call my freaking dad, and I’m not doing any of it. That would involve dealing with people and I’m just so burned out after work that I have no energy to do the shit I really need to do.
Although my back is feeling better. Baby steps, I guess.
This is something of a WAG. It’s worth only the paper that it’s written on, so keep that in mind.
The most likely reason the instructions say to take it three times a day is because it’s intended to keep the level of drug in your bloodstream as constant as possible. Take it every eight hours, and the level in your blood remains fairly constant. As soon as it starts to dip, you get another dose, and at no point does it get too high.
Taking three doses once a day is not a good idea. You’re going to be getting three times the amount of a regular dose. It’s going to peak, and then it’s going to drop, and you’ll be left without much of the medication in your bloodstream. What worries me, though, is that IIRC SJW is an SNRI - that is, it keeps both serotonin and norepinephrine floating around the synapses. I know it’s possible to overdose on SSRIs, so I’m going to guess that it’s possible to do that on SNRIs, and believe me, serotonin syndrome is no fun at all.
You don’t have to schedule it every eight hours on the dot and despair if you are thirty seconds late. When I’ve had to take 3x daily doses of something, I took one when I got up, set an alarm for eight hours later, and then took one before bed.
With SSRIs, it’s really necessary to have food in your stomach when you take them.
Thanks - I hadn’t clicked on them yet, seeing that they were videos, and now I’m glad I didn’t.
My therapist appointment this morning, which I really, really needed, was canceled. She’s in the hospital. May be out for weeks. I wanted to talk to her about setting up more frequent appointments instead of starting on the Wellbutrin (I’m SO scared of the miscarriage risks), and about how to get past my arguments with my husband about how much about the infertility I’m allowed to share online. I’m signed up for a fundraising walk this summer and I plan on posting about it on my blog and trying to, you know, raise funds by asking people to support me. I wrote a piece on infertility for National Infertility Awareness Week and I’m very proud of it and want to share it. But he doesn’t want “our business” to be “all over the internet”, despite my feeling that keeping it so secret is making it worse for me. Being an advocate for a cause takes some of it off me, somehow. Does that make sense?
I need some of those hugs, if anyone’s got spares.
Crying again. Today I confessed to the banker how much our house probably didn’t qualify for a Reverse Mortgage loan…but he’s still interested! (Tell me he doesn’t get a cut from the appraisal fee…our only out-of-pocket expense ($550.)
My return to work date has been moved from 4/20 to 5/6. Doctor is going to get me in to see a psychiatrist ASAP. If I went back part time, even temporarily, I would make even less than I’m getting from short-term disability, and it would screw up my average hours per week, which would potentially mess with my benefits eligibility. Also, I work in a store, and right at this moment I can’t see myself interacting with the public all day. I’m a manager, and I need to be able to get yelled at by customers without breaking down in tears! How embarrassing would that be?!
If I were feeling even a little better, I might get some comfort from knowing there are people worse off, maybe. I guess it’s empathy, but these make me feel worse. My emotions are so raw at it is.
Makes a lot of sense to me. {{{Antigen}}}
I don’t know anything about banks or bankers, but do remember that there are some good, caring people out there. Maybe you’ll find yourself in a win-win situation, rare as they may be!
Personally, I did like the art and beauty of the videos. But for me, the raw, honest pain in them was just way too “real” (and yet, I felt compelled to watch all three that you posted - why, I do not know).
Then again, right now, everything upsets me. Sad things just depress me more. You’d think happy things (movies/stories/songs) would be uplifting, though, right? Nope, I just get all weepy and jealous and upset, thinking I’ll never have that kind of happiness. :rolleyes:
Oh, forgot to mention my therapy session this afternoon. We made up a treatment plan. My counselor is currently studying “acceptance and commitment therapy” (which I’d never heard of), so she wants to incorporate that with dialectical behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy and some other thing I don’t remember.
Also, she has found an issue of mine that I can’t talk about without crying, and I’m a little afraid that’s all she’s going to want to talk about next session. We’ll see. I told her I wasn’t ready for that yet, and she did back off, today… :dubious:
St. John’s Wort—the only thing I know about it is that it has some blood-thinner properties. I take warfarin every day and was told not to take it.
What I’m learning about Reverse Mortgages—both of us have to croak before the house goes to the bank. No payments and we stay put is what looks good to me. BUT if we’re able and want to we can start making payments again down the road and the kids would be able to inherit.
It does sound win-win. Maybe that’s what scares me (that and worrying the house wouldn’t appraise for enough to qualify—tho the banker assures me that any repairs needed could be tackled after the loan has gone through.) :dubious:
At this point I don’t trust anything that sounds good. I’ve worried about keeping a roof over our heads for so long that I’m crazier than I was to start with. :smack:
I had questioned following through with my appt. next week to get some meds but I think I better at least give them a try.
I’m sorry about your all’s therapy sessions that aren’t what they could be right now.
Yay for the paycheck!
Yay us for inching forward, even if our feet are dragging.
