Please do. In fact, any chance at all you might consider an ‘Ask the Truck Driver’ thread? I ask because I’m seriously thinking about making OTR trucking my next career move and it would be nice to know what the job is like, what to expect, pro’s and con’s etcetera. Plus, it would be really neat to hear some cool trucker stories, if you have some.
Pretty please with sugar on top? I’ll be your bestest friend 
Aren’t most people pretty self-conscious about being caught masturbating? I mean, if you’re having let’s-watch-each-other-jerk-off Sexy Fun Time, that’s one story, but I believe the standard reaction to being caught jerking off is to stop.
Unless you’re a character in a story on the internet.
Certainly.
In the fall of 1982, the submarine I was serving on went on a cruise to the North Pole. Placing our sailplanes in the “under ice” position, we blew the water from the main ballast tanks. Because we had taken the prior step of using our under ice sonar array to aid us in positioning the boat below the thinnest ice available, the resultant buoyancy caused us to break though.
At this point, we (the crewmembers) were able to exit through a hatch in the top of the sail. The sailplanes were fouled with several hundred pounds of ice, however, which would have made descending again problematic. This problem was solved by sending every member of the crew topside with various ice removing tools (such as ice picks, hammers and screwdrivers, etc.), and orders to remove the ice from the sailplanes. We went on a rotational basis, as there were not, of course, enough insulated suits to go around (or for that matter, enough room around the sail to give 100+ men room to work). Because it was a time of year that had no sun, powerful lights were set up to allow us to see what we were doing.
In the summer of 1985, we went up again. This time the sun never left the sky, and because the ice was somewhat thinner, we didn’t have any issues with ice interfering with diving. In fact, IIRC, we surfaced so high in the ice that we were able to exit by way of the main hatch. Still, the captain let the gang from the Mess Deck set up a grill, on which they cooked us up some burgers and hot dogs, and we had a picnic out on the ice. There was, in fact, a tall white-with-red-striping pole erected just forward of the sail (but I think the crew actually set that up ;)).
One of the forward ETs saw this as his chance to live out a lifelong dream, so he took off all of his clothes and proceeded to streak the North Pole. Somebody got pics of that, but damned if I know who.
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My ears pop every time I swallow, and have done so since I was 13.
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I have morbid fantasies about killing my pets or my friends & family, or burning down my house, or doing something else that would wreck my life and the lives of others. I’d never ever do something like that, and the thought scares me badly, but sometimes I just fall into this fugue and I imagine doing it. It’s almost like I’m experiencing someone else’s daydream.
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When I was a little kid, I used to seek out and count electrical outlets wherever I went. I’d obsess over them. I also got excited about dehumidifiers.
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I have Asperger’s syndrome. (In case you couldn’t tell from #3) I have ADHD too.
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I like the taste of blood.
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I used to be an Objectivist.
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I’m really, really insensitive to drugs of all kinds. Marijuana, amphetamines, lidocaine, codeine, nicotine, caffeine, SSRI and atypical antidepressants, etc. About the only thing that really affects me the way it’s supposed to is booze.
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I’m transsexual (MTF)
Well, it depends. Yes, no one wants to be caught in the act, but it seems like many women refuse to even talk about it or acknowledge that they do it (or feel bad about it if they do acknowledge it). Men don’t seem to have that problem, though. I certainly don’t want anyone to catch me red-handed (:D) but I don’t have any qualms with talking about it at the right place and right time with the right company.
Whew, that must have been something else. A barbecue at the North Pole? How many other people in the world can claim something like that (not to mention the streaking)?
Why?
Gives you a little buzz. Or that’s what I hear, anyway.
I have no idea why I licked the electrical sockets. I was a toddler, so I don’t remember it (perhaps for good reason). Besides, it was the '70s - nothing was baby proofed and my sister and I were only 13 months apart, so she was running herd on both of us. I always blame my curly hair on my socket fetish, but I’ll never know for sure. 
I think so too, because the ice moves so fast, you can’t place a permanent structure on the North Pole and still expect it to be at the North Pole 10 minutes later. The South Pole, being on land, is another thing.
Hmmm…
I was a professional messageboard mod for several years. Hung up my jackboots in the dot com crash.
During that time, I did typing for online (pre-video) chats with celebs/experts/and stuff. So I’ve spoken by phone (or more rarely) met many famous people, and most all the participants in the 2000 Olympics. My favorites were the late Ed McMahon and Rob Schieder, who told me I had the best laugh he’d ever heard. Bet he says that to all the girls but it made my year.
I love my teenage son, so much sometimes it takes my breath away. I don’t like him so much, though, and I’m ashamed of that. He’s got issues, mostly with theft and lies, and it makes it difficult to be close, although I do all the right parent things. He’s going to boarding school next year, which I hope will fix the problem because nothing else has, including police intervention. I am jealous of parents who get along with their kids and have a great time with them. I do not, and I don’t know how it ended up like this cause it started out fine, and he had a pretty typical childhood. It makes me sad.
The bravest thing I ever did was move to Australia with a kid, two suitcases and a box containing my computer.
I feel like an imposter at work.
I’m going to get a law degree, starting next year. If all goes to plan I will be 48 when I graduate. What am I thinking??
Erm…that’s all? Possibly.
A guy I had a physical fling with two years ago just re-entered my life two weeks ago. During our fling I was more into him than he was into me; I think it was just something to pass the time for him. After seeing him again, he told me he had missed me. I gave him my number and said that if he wanted to see me, he knew where to find me. He called. Last week I went home with him; it was fun, it felt nice to be with him, but I was still ambivalent because of the last time, and also because we really aren’t compatible other than physically; I was really torn about whether I should make any effort to see it again or just let it be a one time only thing. A few days later he violated his probation and now he’s bound for jail on Friday. For 90 days. He was on probation for a DUI and violated by failing a drug test.
Part of me is so relieved that I now don’t have to risk feeling rejected by him again, or having to move past simply having a physical connection. Part of me feels like I owe it to him to stand by him these next few days, to try to make sure his last few days are enjoyable. Part of me is screaming, “Green Rosetta, what the HELL are you doing even considering trying to be with a guy who is bound for jail in a matter of days?” I feel so confused and torn. Last night he met me at the bar, where I was with another friend who really can’t stand him, and my friend mercilessly made fun of him and treated him like a complete dick for two hours. I don’t know why he sat there and took it; the other thing is, the majority of the things my friend was saying were true, and it kind of took the shine off of him. He’s a young man who is still very full of himself, and thinks he knows a lot about a lot. I don’t usually have much tolerance for that but something about him is so magnetic to me. I will always wonder what would have happened between us if he weren’t going to jail. I feel like in that case I’d just be happily back with my sex buddy. But that’s not what’s happening. I wish none of this had ever happened; I wish he had just been gone from my life and not come back.
Despite all this, tonight I went on a date with a guy I have no interest in whatsoever. I didn’t have a bad time at all but I really don’t want to go out with him again and give him the wrong impression. He said we should do it again and I said okay. I have such a hard time telling people no.
I nearly perfectly fit the childhood profile of a serial killer.
No, I haven’t turned into one.
Yet.
edit: Oh wait, the childhood profile has changed:
To discover what makes a serial killer function, it is necessary to look back into their past, particularly their adolescent life. By looking at many and varied cases, it is evident that virtually all serial killers come from dysfunctional backgrounds involving sexual or physical abuse, drugs or alcoholism and their related problems. Many traits that seem to be universal in all these serial killers, though in varied amounts, include disorganised thinking, bipolar mode disorders, a feeling of resentment towards society brought on by their own failings, sexual frustrations, an inability to be social or socially accepted, over bearing parents and a wild imagination that tends to drag them into a fantasy world. In a chart of serial killer - childhood development characteristics - created by Ressler, Burgers and Douglas (1990), the three most frequently reported behaviors included day dreaming, compulsive masturbation, and isolation.
http://www.uplink.com.au/lawlibrary/Documents/Docs/Doc5.html
I was thinking about the old one about being a pyromaniac, killing small animals, etc.
Do you experience empathy?
Hmm, in this article, I would only fit 9 out of 12.
I don’t feel as special now.
Yes, but I had to train myself how to do it.
Did you really torture small animals as a child?
How did you train yourself to experience empathy? And what motivated you?
Oh, the stories I could tell.
Imho, this is the part that separates me from them. The way I did it, so far, is the only successful known case of all the counselors I’ve talked to, and of all the people I’ve tried to teach it to have failed the first step: being honest.
Regarding motivation, I see this pattern in serial killers as well. For example, the BTK killer took ~20 years off before killing again, as well as others. The key there was family. While they were raising children, they were able to control themselves to some extent. After I got married, I knew I had to be a better person.
But don’t try to read too much into this. The childhood profile is just a small part of serial killer’s psychology, and last I heard, millions who do fit the profile are living normal lives.
Mostly, someone on this thread has reminded me of mine… I’ll give credit where it’s due.
I like some things I claim to hate, such as celebrity gossip. I usually like only the snarkiest celebrity gossippers, but I eat that shit up.
Darth Sensitive: You made me very happy that I’ll be taking education classes within a few years. I have no doubts (or apologies) that I will become a very dirty old man one day, and apparently my education, um, education will be a start. Hell, the military is a start, but education classes will be nice as well.
kidneyfailure re chubby girls: preach on, brother! Mrs BomTek is 5’6" and weighs about 195, and I love every single thing about her body.
If I wash my hands after using the bathroom, it’s almost certainly because someone else is in the bathroom and I feel a social pressure/obligation to do so. My rationale is that I know how to keep my dick clean (it probably gets dirtier because of the contact with my hand) and wipe my ass, and urine is sterile. Where’s the concern here?
Re driving and licenses: I wouldn’t trade my privelege and ability to drive for world peace. One of my secrets, though, is that although I love cars and driving and can rattle off terms and figures for hours, I don’t actually know that much about vehicle construction (like MacPherson struts vs control arms, overhead valves vs overhead cams) and I’m pretty crap at maintaining my truck. I don’t know how to heel-toe shift, and I’ve never experienced understeer and thought, “There’s understeer, but it’s very predictable and manageable.”
Tristan re “the smartest guy in the room”: that’s me, except for the close friends part. I have only one close friend.
I have only one close friend: my wife. 95% of the time I am genuinely OK with this, but the other 5% I wonder if it’s freakish. It’s not that I lack empathy, like some here have mentioned, or that I hate people (I only hate most of them), but I kinda realize that if something would happen to my wife I wouldn’t know what to do with myself or our son.
Keeping with the “smartest guy” theme: I constantly want to correct my coworkers when they’re wrong, and I feel a loathing inside myself when they claim to be an authority on something and then get a detail wrong, but I almost always bite my tongue. I’ve gotten better about not correcting Mrs BomTek, though, or even wanting to.
Really Not All That Bright: I pray I go bald as I age (I’m nearly 29 now), and I’m worried because it seems like I haven’t started in earnest yet.
I think I would look ridiculous bald.
olivesmarch4th re pets: I desperately want to strong-arm my wife into getting a pet rat, because I think they’re cool as hell. I know I could accomplish this, but the rational side of my brain prevents me from doing it because we have a dog who’s bred to chase “vermin.” I apparently care more about my dog than I do my wife in this case.
I also want to strong-arm my wife into letting my try a kilt after reading a thread here about them. I’ve talked to her about it, but she shut me down and I can’t bring myself to bring it up again.
Gleena: I, too, feel like an imposter at work. I’m scared to death of being discovered or that I already have been.
I love posting on the SDMB, but I’m always terrified right before I publish each post. Seriously, I feel my heart rate increase and I get sweaty. I’m scared that I’ll violate some rule I didn’t know about or even make a simple grammatical error and be looked down upon by people I respect (not that I respect everyone here, but I do respect a majority of you) anytime I post in the future. Because y’all have some good memories.
I can’t believe I just publicly aired the things I did, since I think someone could find out who I am relatively easily.
[ul]
[li]I can juggle (3)[/li][li]I’m a writer[/li][li]I’m a humorist.[/li][li]I’m a brand-new convert/fan of The Black-Eyed Peas just because I saw them perform on SNL recently. I usually don’t touch rap-ish stuff, and had no clue about who Fergie and Will.i.am is and all, but their E.N.D. album has grabbed me in a way that no other has with its positivism and peace themes. I now own 21 BEP mp3 songs, which I’ve put on a CD to play in my car while I drive. It transforms my energy and surges bliss through me in an amazing, awesome way. It’s my current life anthem. All because I decided to watch SNL one night…[/li][li]I’m CBC, but love working with kids creatively.[/li][li]I’m converting to a vegan-tarianism diet.[/li][li]I love making up my own words.[/li][li]I’m coming through the lighted end of a very deep and dark existential crisis tunnel. I have experienced first-hand what it feels like to slip past the knot tied at the end of my rope and free-float in outer space with nothing to tether to. I have learned how to tie a loose knot…for now.[/li][/ul]