Depending on your definition of “seduce,” can you really make someone do something they might not?
Let me rephrase. I read a thread by START a while back where he talks about how he’s upset that a friend of his who wants to be a virgin till she’s married is going to be spending an evening with a guy who has nefarious intentions. Most posters objected because short of raping her, it’s not like the guy could make someone of sound mind do something she doesn’t want to do.
So I guess my question is, how much personal responsibility do you take for being seduced? If someone whispers sweet nothings and rubs up against you (and you have a boyfriend/girlfriend), is “I was seduced!” more of a defense than taking an active role when you cheat? Can you really “seduce” a willing sixteen year old (even if she previously had planned to wait until marriage)?
Synonymous to seduce is entice and a willing sixteen year old can be enticed. I myself am a 46 year old female who has been enticed to do things I never before thought where a good idea or even safe. I don’t offer the excuse that I was seduced as a way to shift all blame off of myself and on to my enticer…I knew full well the potential consequeces of my decisions but my enticer made is sound oh, so good that I wanted to experience these things.
And am I sorry?
Oh, no.
You know, I am not known for my will power but I have to say that there is no amount of seduction that could make me be unfaithful. I don’t care if Johnny Depp offered me $50,000 to sleep with him just this once and then promised to bake cookies for me afterwards, it still wouldn’t be enough to convince me to sleep with him. If being a virgin when they get married/being faithful to a spouse or significant other/not having sex outside of a committed relationship is important to someone they won’t give into the seduction. If it is something they are ambivalent about it might be easier to convince them that the cost is worth it.
Seduction is not about getting someone to do something they don’t want to do. Rather, it is about creating the right atmosphere, tone, and circumstances such that the other is more likely to want to bump uglies than they would have otherwise. In a word, it is manipulation.
That said, having been both seducer and seduced, it’s my opinion that the person who is being seduced bears the primarily responsibility. They are the individual who has gone from “no” to “yes”.
It shouldn’t need to be said, but this of course bears no applicability where the “seduction” takes place with the assistance of debilitating chemicals or duress.
As one who has been a seducer in the past, I can confidently agree with the saying that a contented person can never be seduced. Like the vampire needing to be invited into one’s home, a successful seduction always involves some type of entrance point, some type of void, into the life of the seduced.
More on topic, seduction is not an excuse. Barring extreme circumstances, people do what they want. It just takes some people a little manipulation to get them to lower their shields long enough for the proton torpedoes to get through, that’s all What I’m saying is that while I would use it as a mitigating factor (as in it’s less bad than seeking out somebody to cheat with) being seduced is no substitute for personal accountability.
Manipulation is key to seduction. You discover their weak spot and use it to against them. You give them what they want first in order to ultimately get what you want.
Seduce a child with candy.
Seduce a middle aged man with flattery.
Seduce a teenager with video games and alcohol.
Seduce a lonely girl with attention.
I’ve seen this credited to Descartes:
“A man can always seduce any woman he wants. He simply must be willing to sit up with her until 3 o’clock in the morning and listen to her tell all her troubles.”
You would not believe the things bargirls here have succeeded farang (Western) men in doing for them. Guys often seem to check their brains at the airport upon arrival.
As for myself, I’ve always had good luck getting women to do my bidding simply by licking my eyebrows.
What I’m saying is that while I would use it as a mitigating factor (as in it’s less bad than seeking out somebody to cheat with) being seduced is no substitute for personal accountability.