Separate Bedrooms? You bet!

So, it occured to me the other day that the way my beloved and I live would strike some as odd.

We’ve been together for a little over 4 years. The first 2 or so we lived 40 miles apart. The next 2 we lived in spearate buildings, directly next door to each other. It was while we lived side by side that we started our business. That is how we make our living, in business together. Started a company and the whole shebang. And he asked me to marry him about a year ago. (It’s on hold til we see how various things shake out after Y2K.)

We have lived together for 5 months. Since the day we moved in, we have had separate bedrooms. Fact is, we just sleep much better that way. His waking hours are about 2pm-5am, mine are around 9am-1 am.

We kiss and hug all day long. I often go in to wake him up and snuggle with him. He tucks me in sometimes and snuggles with me. Sometimes we’ll nap together.

Sex occurs at random times under various circumstances…blowjobs in the living room, screwing in the hottub. It’s always great.

But we happily sleep apart at night.

How about the rest of you? What’s your arrangement? Would you like this if you could?

I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.

Talk about the blowjobs again…slowly.

Sounds good to me…

And it reminds me of an old joke:

Question: What is the secret for a perfect marriage?
Answer: Twin beds. One in New York, the other one in Los Angeles.

Oh Babar, don’t tell me you are one of those poor deprived guys who hardly ever get blowjobs?

I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.

Never found a girl willing to go down there. You read the “Men, what do you prefer?” thread. You know I worship the female body. I like to kiss both set of lips… And I’ve never found a girl willing to return the favor. How much grosser can it be that cunnilingus? It’s not always particularly tastey you know, girls. All I ask is for a simple little blowjob. Pleeeeeeeeeeas? You don’t even have to swallow…I have towels!

Poor Babar! My lucky husband sympathizes with you :slight_smile:
Anyway, lots of times my hubby and I sleep in separate quarters- has nothing to do with sex at all. I have a bad back and sometimes I can’t sleep with him all over me (he rolls…a lot) and elbowing me and such. He also crowds me off the bed. No biggie- sleeping and sex are not related in our lives…
Actually it’s kinda nice when he sneaks into the guest room in the dark of night and …well, we’re trying to make a baby! You know the rest wink wink, nudge,nudge

An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

Give yourself time, Babar, you’ll find her. I don’t understand why it’s an issue with some women but hey, everyone’s got their thing.
On to the question:
We sleep in the same bedroom but I guess separate bedrooms wouldn’t kill me. I usually sleep on my left side with my arms stretched out which is hard to do since hubby, who sleeps on the left, spends most of the night on my side of the bed. Plus he kicks out about 10,000 BTU’s and I’m always hot. But…last night we had kicked the blanket off accidently and he sure was warm and cuddly to snuggle up against.

I’m with you completely, Stoidela. Seperate bedrooms is the way to go. The sex is irrelevant to where you sleep. If you’re not getting it on, you wouldn’t be doing it if you were sharing a twin bed.

I like seperate bedrooms because I like to stay up late and read sometimes, or journal. I like my privacy for these things. And in general, for that matter. When you live with someone, it can become very difficult to have any time alone. Having your own room helps considrerably. It’s also really sexy to put on some fine longerie (sp?) and slink into your mate’s room. Nothing screams sexy like showing up at his door wearing next to nothing!

“I think it would be a great idea” Mohandas Ghandi’s answer when asked what he thought of Western civilization

I don’t think separate bedrooms are too uncommon, Stoidela. My grandparents had 'em and when I was living with a boyfriend, we had them.

My problem is that I snore louder than a grizzly bear. One night I woke up to my boyfriend holding his hand across my mouth as if to suffocate me (he was asleep - or so he claimed). Since I didn’t really want to die and he didn’t want to kill me, we first devised separate sleeping schedules. Then finally we just slept apart. Our relationship lasted a lot longer than expected and it ultimately brought us to happiness through the realization that we wanted to sleep apart permanetly.

We still took a shower together every morning, though.

I think most people here already know how I feel about living alone. This includes sleeping alone most of the time. If someday a miracle took place and I fell in love and wanted to, gasp, live with someone I would probably want them in my bed. Snoring, rolling or farting aside I’d still want them close and I can sleep through anything.

Of course, they’d have to share the king size bed with me, a dog and three cats. As long as they were okay with that I wouldn’t mind. This of course means they’d also have to deal with my schedule which I can describe with almost any word but stable!

The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.

My boyfriend’s moving in with me soon. We’ll see how it goes. From what sleeping together we’ve done, we’ve discovered that Steve tosses and turns alot and I steal the sheets :). He likes to sleep together and I prefer separate beds but, I never have much of a chance to get used to another person in my bed. When we were together in Australia, we slept together for 2 weeks. I got used to him being in the same bed and kinda missed him when he wasn’t.

Overall, I think people should do whatever works best for them. Want separate bedrooms? Sounds good to me. I’m thinking of doing the same thing. Even if it wasn’t something I’d do, I don’t care what anyone else does as long as it doesn’t affect me ;).

Well, that’s not exactly true. I should say, I don’t care what people do as long as it doesn’t hurt a being who doesn’t want to be hurt.

I can totally sympathize with you. Only 2 times have i ever found a woman willing to finish the job! And I do wish i could get them more!

just you wait! Women get more comfortable as they get older and finally realize that they don’t have to be perfect - most men appreciate any effort! Keep in mind that it is different than what you do - you don’t deal with the gag reflex or suddenly have to swallow. Know this - whether she swallows or not, women will appreciate it if you tell her when you’re coming (and NEVER grab her by the hair!)

The reason gentlemen prefer blondes is that there are not enough redheads to go around.

How did this thread turn into one about blowjobs? Oh well, I’ll go with the flow.

Babar, Frankie… where do you live? How old are you? How unclean are you?

No offense, I just can’t believe there are that many women in the world who won’t give blowjobs, at least, not just as a matter of their own issues, as opposed to squeamishness about your bodies or something. Or maybe you guys are just incredibly young and dating incredibly young girls? Or you live in some kind of hyper-religious community?

I recognize that as an Angeleno I live in a rarified world of sexual excess, etc…but still!

More tips: don’t ASK her to do it. Even women who like to give them, like me, like to have it be theri own idea. Don’t hold her hair or her head, don’t push her towards your crotch. Pull out all the stops on your own lovemaking with her and maybe she’ll be so turned on she’ll just have to do it. Make sure you are squeaky clean (this should go without saying, but you never know…).

Hmmm… that’s the best advice I can offer. And don’t be so obsessed with her finishing the job. Most women don’t especially like to, for a variety of reasons. For me, it’s just because giving head is such an incredible turn on for me that I don’t want him to finish without giving me some of that yummy thang!


I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.

Separate bedrooms might be kinda nice. I really wouldn’t mind having just a little of my own personal space. But I do like sleeping next to my husband, so I probably won’t get my own room.

My husband has a snoring problem, too, that I recognized the first time we spent the night together. I sent him to a doctor as soon as we got married & I got him on my health insurance. Turns out, he has sleep apnea. He now sleeps with a forced-air machine. Melanie, you might want to have your doctor check into this for you, especially if you have a tendency to choke and/or stop breathing during while sleeping. It can be very dangerous, if left unchecked.

(end of public service announcement)

Thanks, Cristi, for the advice! I’ve heard about sleep apnea and I think I might have it (I’ve heard I gasp for breath a lot). I will ask my doctor about it - although the thought of sleeping hooked up to machine sounds horrible! Would you kindly explain the device your husband uses?

She’s talking about a CPAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) machine. This blows air into the mouth and nose and keeps the muscles in the pharynx from closing up. It’s a bitch, and compliance is low, but it is really effective in preventing complications (heart attack, stroke) and improving sleep quality.

Some other signs of sleep apnea, by the way, are obesity, smoking, large neck circumference (17" in men, 15" in women), and excessive daytime sleepiness. It’s dangerous–look into it.

(I pulled a rotation in the sleep clinic last year, and know whereof I speak. :slight_smile: )

Dr. J

Sassy & Stoid-
I am mid 20’s and very clean.

I have found the one and she does enjoy it at times but I think mainly cause i enjoy it. I am always kinda hoping for the surprise bj that never comes. Oh well.

And Sassy, I always let a woman know or ask her if i should let her know when I am gonna come. And i never pull hair unless they like it!

“the surprise bj that never comes”

Pun alert! Pun alert!

The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.