In need of rescue: stupidly put myself in the middle of a spat between two women
Why did you get divorced?
Why don’t boogers smell bad?
Do You Pick Your Nose?
Because it doesn’t smell bad.
** Why is Ron Jeremy the king of porn?
Chocolate Diamonds
**
All together now – ewwwww.
** Reincarnation is my woo belief.
It’s (going to be) a girl!!**
In your next life?
**An infant walks into a bar…
Shoulder Impingement, anyone?
**
Depends on how fast it was walking.
Women who plan their wedding before there is a groom.
Why did you get divorced?
It just felt like there was something missing in the relationship.
The one I wish was sequential.
Clown Foot Massage
Ladies: Don’t Ask Me To Rub Your Shoulders Or Back
You have no idea what clowns have on their feet.
Clown Foot Massage
Bonking (not boinking) the pope.
After having his feet massaged, his head bonked by a rubber hammer, and then hearing the clown horn, the Pope was thoroughly entertained. 
** Why Don’t We Melt Snow?
Why not just drop trash into volcanoes**
A fabulous idea - airlift all the unwanted snow clogging our roads and parking lots and dump it into volcanoes! The streets will be clear, and all the molten magma will freeze solid!
Too bad we didn’t think of this in time to save Pompeii.
An infant walks into a bar…
Unbelievable Luck?
A blink’n miracle mate.
Theists: Do any of you believe God is NOT omnipotent, omniscient, or omnibenovelent?
Things That You Would Really Like To Know That Are None Of Your Mollyfocking Business?
What a week! Or, I got a job!
Unusual job hunting situation, would really welcome constructive advice.
5 year old getting undressed at school with boy
Am I really that abnormal? (lack of jealousy)
Thankfully no, you are not that abnormal.
What’s the worst job you ever had?
Recommendations for over the counter hearing aids.
“Try this one, it’s great.” “What?” “I said, try this one.” “What?” “PUT THE GODDAMN THING IN YOUR EAR, ASSHOLE!!!” “WHAT?”
Yeah, I can see why that would be a shitty job.
What Strange Things Does You Cat Do?
Becoming totally evil in the middle of the night.
(I took a liberty with these and switched them around in order because they’re too perfect. 
)
I just had an insanely good breakfast.
Lipton onion soup mix.
After a night of drinking, sometimes that’s all I can manage to keep down.
Any tips on learning a new language?
Ireland and Scotland in May–a few questions
Psssst… got a little news for you…
**Women, why do you look at men’s junk ?
Do you read advice columns? **
I’ve looked for the answer there but the question never comes up, even for Miss Manners.
What makes your post funnier is your user name. 
He/She could be trying to learn Gaelic. 
**Sometimes I have a overwhelming desire to…
Fuck you. Shovel your sidewalk.
**
Okay, whatever floats your boat.
What do you think a store named Gamer’s Armory would sell?
Menstruating Squirrels
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
And the squirrels tie it all together…
Women, why do you look at men’s junk ?
Menstruating squirrels
“Sorry sir, I didn’t mean to stare, but it’s those awful squirrels.”