** Is there any reason a single person can’t be married?
The Pope calls for a new armed Crusade.**
Woah, this Pope doesn’t take any crap on social issues.
**This seems reasonable but has been only laughed at so far
Assisting the police **
With less than a year until it’s fully enacted, what is your opinion of the Affordable Care Act?
Can a person have diarrhea EVERY day?
Obamacare will help you take care of that!
** Would a glue board be an effective defense against knives?
Why do “driving enthusiasts” prefer rear-wheel drive?**
Well, the glue board is hard to clean, and outrunning the knives is your best defense against out-of-control road rage. But I prefer all-wheel drive and a rear-mounted machine gun.
**Lump Under My Carpet
How the hell did I lose my pepper mill?
**
Did you check under the carpet?
** Do you regret getting divorced from your passionless, roommate-like marriage?
Have you managed to re-kindle passion in your marriage**
Actually, she seems a hell of a lot hotter since the divorce.
**Happy 50th birthyear, Doper class of '63!
Where do I sell Civil War collectible prints? **
You’re 100 years off…
** What is this brown stuff on my lawn?
Roman Catholic View of Female Orgasm.**
**Moved: Why can’t cocks be easily detected?
Moved: Why can’t socks be easily detected?
**
I won’t Move it with a Cock
I won;'t Move it with a Sock
I won’t Move it Here or There
I won’t Move it Anywhere
I won’t Move Green Eggs and Ham
I will not Move them, Sam I Am.
**Ask the guy in Antarctica
Nelson Mandela **
What he’s doing there, I have no idea.
Watching Music Man on TCM now.
What instrument is this?
It’s a trombone. We have 75 more of them.
**Makeup tips - you know you have them!
Airplane styling
**
You should always apply blush to the sides of the plane near the nose – it adds fullness. But resist the temptation to draw lips on with your lipstick.
** Woman says she was kicked out of water park because of her bathing suit
King of the Belgians to abdicate.**
It’s like a chain reaction. First Morsi and now this. 
**Woman says she was kicked out of water park because of her bathing suit
Why can’t cocks be easily detected? **
They are in some bathing suits.
** What should I expect from a partial denture plate?
Sunlight makes the nose bleed longer**
Thanks, I’ve always wondered why there are no windows in dentists’ offices.
**Ask the guy in Antarctica
Where is your workplace on the crazy meter? **
Things can get a little wacky during the winter months.
Women, do you like testicles?
Would you be comfortable sharing a dressing room with a gay person??
If “yes” to both, would you care to sign this petition I’ve made for some changes to the dressing room policies at my local gym?
…and now
** Where is your workplace on the crazy meter?
I just got offered a job in Antarctica **
** What is WD40 actually the best for?
Would massless quarks still combine into protons and neutrons?**
No, they’d just slide right off.
Alternaverse GOP slogans- If they were honest…
Fucking Vegemite thief.
“Obama is a Fucking Vegemite Thief! Vote for Rubio, vegemite in every pot!”
Needs work.