They’ll never know I was not wearing pants
I was fired as Scoutmaster
Yeah… The Boy Scouts frown on that sort of thing.
How can I get over the fear of growing old and dying?
Railroad fuel cars explode in small Quebec town
There, you see? You might not grow old at all! 
** Two towels and too lazy to dry
Woman says she was kicked out of water park because of her bathing suit**
She wasn’t kicked out because of her bathing suit. She was kicked out because she kept soaking other patrons when she tried to shake herself dry. And she left wet seatprints on the trams.
** Your Latest Musical Discovery
[del]Can’t[/del]PLEASE Stop The Music!
Your Current Earworm**
I warned you not to buy “Gary Puckett & The Union Gap’s Greatest Hits”. But did you listen? Noooo. 
**Personally liability of a fake security cam
what is this strange bug bug?
**
Probably a fake security cam.
**How do you make Edinburgh Scotland bring the sexy?
Awkward erections **
** Baldness cure, how much would u spend.
Would you buy a car that drives itself?**
Yeah, then I could stay at home and no one would know I’m bald.
** Awkward erections
They’ll never know I was not wearing pants**
Might want to rethink that one, bub.
And for the win:
I was fired as Scoutmaster
Awkward erections
**Awesome House Features
Awkward erections **
“Dude, you must REALLY like that house.”
Ninja’d!
**Awkward erections
Tell me about WalMart **
The cashiers looked a bit flustered. Of course, it would have been less awkward if I had been wearing pants that day.
Awkward erections
Asiana 214 flight crew talking on ATC tape. Anyone know what he’s saying?
It’s hard to make out, but it’s something about ‘not having pants on’.
**Awkward erections
A Day at the Beach with the SDMB **
**Need Grammar Nazi help fast (comma placement)
If Barack Obama really was from Kenya…?
**
You don’t need a comma there, but it should be “really were from Kenya”.
**I was fired as Scoutmaster
A role model for us all.
**
**Why are Jewish people so disproportionately successful
Pitbulls
**
**Awkward erections
I was fired as Scoutmaster **
** Irrational fears
The new secret thread. PM me your secret **
I’m afraid that if I send you my secret, you’ll reveal it to the Nazi space weasels.
** Pacific Rim
A one-act play chronicling my dog walk last night
**
…if I was wearing a giant negative-feedback Robot Suit, and my dog was a kaiju.
**Hitler Fried Chicken **
Jokes that seem prejudiced, but aren’t
No, that’s not really a good example.