the correct term is ummfriend.
When you introduce them you say:
This is my umm friend …
Why does this never happen to me?
Why why why?
Good luck Lsura. Hope you enjoy it.
I’ll offer some advice though: make sur eyou and your Umfriend are both coming from the same perspective. They key to succesful Umfriendship is honesty.
If you both are treating it openly and honestly with similar - if not same - expectations, then you’ll have a wonderful thing.
And before people start scoffing and suggesting it’ll ruin the frienship let me snort disdainfully snorts disdainfully If anything Umfriends (and you need to be honest to get there remember) are even closer. You have nothing to hide.
And I’d like to second ChiefScott’s sentiments: Umfriends not only provide outlets, but a valuable source of information and education.
vive les umfriends
I have a friend like that. It is totally understood on both parts that it is sex and only sex.
Years ago I had the attitude that I couldn’t do that…I’d get emotionally attached no matter how hard I tried not to and then I’d get hurt.
Then I met him. I am having a blast! I don’t know if I’d do it all the time, though. It’s nice that there is no wondering how far the relationship will go, and as ChiefScott (I think it was him, I’m too lazy to check) said, I can tell him what I want without worrying if it’ll turn him away. I can be uninhibited. I have no regrets and when it fizzles out I will have some great memories.
I SOOO am glad my mom doesn’t read this board!
Well, if it makes you feel any better, GuanoLad, it never happens to me either. I actually have to “work” and put “effort” into it.
Sex for the sake of sex is good, as long as you understand that sometimes sex changes the nature of the relationship. Still, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Have fun.
Lsura,
I had a similar relationship with someone years ago. I agree wholeheartedly with ChiefScott. It was one of the most positive experiences that I’ve had with another person. Ignore the posters that are predicting disaster or (even worse) suggesting that you’re emotionally damaged for wanting this. Do make sure that you’re clear in your head about what the relationship is and is not, though.
This being SIMS and this thread and all, I would just like to say that I had a fantastic Saturday night with a longtime friend. Yes, I am feeling muuuuuch better now.
Ah, consenting adults and such . . .
LabRat says
You both need it clear in your head. This is where conversation comes into play!
If you are thinking it’s one thing and she’s thinking it’s another, it is a recipe for disaster the next morning.
I’m like pipefitter, can’t do the one night stand deal.
Doesn’t it make you guys a little uneasy when you have a Doper’s get together to know all these little personal things about each other that go beyond the normal? I’m sure at the Norfolk get together everyone is gonna be waiting with baited breath to see who sleeps with ChiefScott, among others. And everyone on the board will be waiting to hear all about it.
To each his own.
Thank you Ultress, at least I’m not the only one!
Yep, and that’s why there have been many conversations before we got to the point-beginning as joking, but then more serious as we realized that we could be “Ummfriends”, and possibly avoid these 4 & 5 year “dry spells”, as well as improve our techniques.
Thanks y’all
-Lsura
From my twisted experience, I would say that Gatsby is 100% correct. Sex always changed my friendships that became sexual. The problem was always that one side or the other had an unspoken, and possiblely unknown expectation of how things would be afterward.
One side or the other always wants the relationship to deepen and will be hurt and resentful when it doesn’t. My opinion, “fuck-buddies” are o.k., just don’t recruit a freind for the role.
Ultress raises an interesting point thusly:
I’ve always been one to post my feelings on any subject proposed here. I’ve no reason to be ashamed of anything I’ve felt, what I’ve done, my inhibitions or actions. I try not to hurt anyone. Therefore, I don’t mind folks knowing these little things.
I consider you folks my friends. I apparently tell my friends, IRL too, things which “go beyond the normal,” though there are many intimate things which I do keep to myself.
As with any relationship (friend, social, sexual, familial, etc.), I do, of course, defer to the other should he/she not want certain aspects of that relationship publicized.
So yeah, I’m a horn-dog after six months at sea. And yeah, it’s no secret that getting laid ranks high on my “to do” list. But I truly didn’t realize that this had raised your collective curiosity as to who I’d “do.”
Rest assured, if (and that’s a gargantuan if) something did happen, I would not be starting threads about it. Not because I’d be ashamed, but in deference to the lady.
My life sucks!
Just so’s you know.
My idea of sex just for sex’s sake is a theatre where there are holes in the wall that men put their penises in & people on the other side of that wall have sex with the penis.
There was a scene contructed exactly as you describe in Catherine Breillat’s film Romance.
handy, as we all know, is a big Catherine Breillat fan.
I had an Ummfriend for awhile and it was great. Neither one of us wanted a relationship, only sex. I would go over to his house 2-3 evenings a week and I’d go over during my lunch hour 2-3 times a week too. We’d have sex and I’d go home. No strings, no complications, no hurt feelings, etc. It was great. We’re still friends and everything, we just don’t fuck each other anymore. I think this worked out well because we weren’t friends first. My best friend is a guy and we’ve never been romantically involved with each other. We’re strictly platonic and will always be that way. I can’t imagine having sex with him and still be able to be such good friends. I think I would feel a little awkward around him if he’d seen me naked and everything. I think it would ruin our friendship.
If you can have sex together and still remain friends I think that’s great. Go for it.
Reiteration: it’s all about honesty. If you can both be completely upfront about your desires and expectations you will no problems.
I’ve had two ummfriends and still number them amongst my closest and dearest.