From the OP:
You said it yourself, “yes, I know.” You know. We all know you know. Why don’t you go fantasize about movie stars or hang out with your friends or take up a hobby or run ten miles or just DO ANYTHING ELSE until this crazy urge passes.
No. NO. N-0. Uh-uh. Bad. Naughty. Soul-destroying. Don’t do it.
Um, separated doesn’t mean he’s divorced. He’s still married.
So no.
He’s your boss. So no, again. I’m surprised you still work there.
Look at this man’s track record, darlin. Divorced once. About to be divorced again. Why on earth did you decide at one point that you wanted to be ex wife #3? He asked you to marry him when he had known you a total of 4 months? While he was married to someone else at the time? WTF?
Now I’ll get all psychological and wonder aloud about your relationship with your father. This boss of yours is old as the hills and you want his attention. Was your dad not around when you were growing up?
(Hey, not knocking you if he wasn’t, it would just explain this nutty behavior of yours.)
You’re young, you’re vital. Find yourself some 20 year old hunk of man beef and screw away. Just make sure he’s not married first!
Imagine you two got married yesterday. Now imagine today an accident rendered one of you incapable of ever having sex again. Will you keep your vows for life or get divorced/annulled because the best sex is gone forever?
Notwithstanding all the other comments mentioned previously, but the best sex and chemistry do not sustain a marriage by themselves, especially with his baggage and your naivety about relationships.
Ahh, that reminds me of a trashy song that was popular about ten years ago…
“Max don’t have sex with your ex,
It’ll make your life complex”
I dunno about you, but I sure don’t need that sort of complexity in my life. It’s time for you to move on.
Max.
PS The name “Max” in the song is purely coincidental!
I’m having a hard time believing that this is real. seems like someone watched a marathon of Jerry Springer and bundled up all of the most fucked up sitations they could get and rolled it out for us to comment on. next thing, he’ll not only be her ex, her boss, married, and 22 years older, but he’ll also be her long-lost half-brother conceived thorugh an incestuous relationship with a web-footed hermaphrodite named Bebe.
btw- if this is somehow for real, and she’s asking our advice, forget it. she’s already slept with him again.
If there’s Sex, He’s Not an ‘Ex’. - Johnny Cochrane
Wow. Way to hold off on the condescension, guys. She’s simply asking about getting her rocks off with someone who was good at it.
Holier than thou shit notwithstanding, Angela, this kind of thing rarely, if ever, works out. You both have to be very strict on the “this is just us getting sweaty together” angle. Speaking from experience, that doesn’t generally happen. Usually, even if it starts out that way, past feelings come to the surface and begin to screw things up. Also, not to belittle any true feelings you have for the guy, but it’s pretty easy to have a good time with someone who rumbles your ass every time you hook up. A lot of times, we overlook the obvious problems and red flags in favor of the “naked time makes it better” theory.
I thought my ex and I had a good thing going for a while, but that’s only because I was operating under the impression that it was simply maintenance sex, as neither of us were really dating anyone else. As soon as I showed interest in someone else, it was made quite clear to me that there would be no more sex, and that I was a boorish pig for treating her like a piece of ass. It’s pretty easy to get sucked back into a relationship when you’re getting it regularly, because it’s comfortable and, apparently, good.
Still, were I you, I’d back off this situation. It could get ugly really quickly, and has the potential to really ruin a good section of your year.
If you want, you can email me. My situation was a little different than yours, but there’s enough similarities I may be able to help with some advice.
Boy, we really need to get that friends-with-benefits Doper board up and running…
I appreciate everything y’all are saying (even the negative stuff, really!), but I’ve heard it all before, and I know what I did was right for me. I LOVED him, and we discussed every possible way things could turn before we jumped into a relationship. I don’t belive in mistakes or regrets, just learning experiences.
I thought about persuing a sex-relationship with him before, but I wasn’t ready, still had feelings. When we broke up, we left it open for a possble “rematch” (?), but that’s all done now. I just need to get laid.
Also, when we broke up, we set rules and defined the line, and we, for the most part, adhere to that. We both like to flirt and that’s fine.
And no, this is NOT a Jerry Springer spin-off. I gave the short version just so y’all wouldn’t think that!
Sex with your boss in California? No way! In my opinion, California has sexual harrassment laws that make that extremely risky. The basic idea around the law is that when they become your xboss, then the workplace for the person becomes upsetting for the person to work in & as a result, they can possibly sue-- & do.
Let me know how it goes.
No no no no!
Ick ick ick.
BTW, does anyone else find it amusing that the OP’s post count is, as of this post, at 69 posts?
You do not “need” to get laid, and you definitely don’t need to get laid by this loser. You can do much better!
I like to use a biblical phrase to refer to ex-sex:
“As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly” Proverbs 26:11
This post is remarkable for two reasons:
1)vibrotronica the athiest quotes scripture, and
- I got to enter the phrase “dog vomit” into a bible search engine.
You’re 22. Just because he’s the best sex you’ve ever had doesn’t mean he’s the best you’ll ever have.
In fact, I’d say it’s almost a certainty you’ll have better sex with someone else later.
My first reaction was, “Hell, yeah! Go for it!” Then I actually used by brain to do some thinking and it didn’t seem like such a good idea. I have a friend who’s been in many similar situations to yours (she’s 24 and tends to date men twice her age, in various states of married-ness, sometimes from her job and in posititions of authority over her) and even when it’s seemed fairly sane at the time (and the sex is always great, from what she tells me) it’s never once worked out. Every single time it’s led to her being unhappy, without fail. Now, if only I could convince her to marry me… but that’s another story. Heh…
Yeah, really!
Angela, unlike some of the previous posters, I think you actually have a pretty good idea of what you’d be getting into. You know yourself better than we do. If you think you can handle it being sex-only, and you think he can handle it being sex-only, and that’s what you both want, I’d say go for it.
No, I normally wouldn’t recommend it. Sex with one’s boss is generally a bad idea. But, you’ve already survived the breaking off of your engagement, so I don’t think there’s a huge risk in this. The married/separated thing? Well, I’m not his wife, nor his priest. If you’re okay with it, what do I care? I would strongly recommend that you remember not to expect anything beyond sex, but it sounds like you know that, well enough.
On the other hand, I’m sure you can do better. Sure, the sex may have been great, but it can be with other guys, too. I clicked on your webpage link, in your sig, and looked around a bit. And, you are cute beyond words! It’s probably harder for a 22 yr old to meet a 44 yr old who will take her seriously than it would be to meet someone her own age, if that’s really what you want. But, that’s what personal ads are for (among other things).
Despite my rhyme last night, my major problem isn’t the ex part. Its the boss part. Honestly, if you just want great sex, there are probably hundreds of guys in your area who could be interested in you that are just as good in bed and don’t carry around the workplace baggage. I really wouldn’t do this, but I’m not you and I’ll never know all the details.
Well, Davebear, that’s where you and I differ. Before I could agree with your statement that she’s already survived the breaking off of the engagement, I’d need to know what kind of job ratings she got prior to the engagement, after the engagement occurred and after the engagement was broken off.
There’s all sorts of fallout in a situation like this, and they aren’t all emotional.
What I learned from our relationship was just to expect more of myself and raise my expectations. He gave me a lot of self-confidence, and I learned to respect myself. So, it wasn’t all a loss.
I just don’t want to whore around anymore, looking for a good fuck (excuse my forward-ness). Until my parents get back on their feet, I have no time to date and look for another meaningful relationship. So, this would be a funtion to meet my needs.
To be quite honest, I would love to have a second chance with him, but not now. He has his own responsibilities, financially and to his children (one of whom lives in another country, the other two in a different state) so all his free time is spent flying everywhere to see his kids. They’re all at ages where they need his constant presence and he didn’t want me to just be sitting at home waiting. He did have my best interests in mind, I guess.
If you get involved with him again, you may change your mind about this.
If you do not understand why it was such a poor idea to get involved with your much older, married boss the first time, it may be difficult to see why getting re-involved with your much older, married, boss, with whom you could not sustain a relationship for six whole months, is even worse.
The first time is a mistake a young person could make. The second time is a mistake only a young, stupid person could make.
Twenty-two is a little old for dumb. Grow up, wise up, or get used to a life with losers. Probably a succession of them, unless you raise your taste in men.
Good luck with your parents.
Regards,
Shodan