Are you an attractive woman? If so the finding a man thing should really be a non-issue. Can you get out once a week for 2 hours? I mean, men are easy, you know? If a guy thinks you are coming on to him most will find it very flattering, I sure would. The rest is cake. So really as an attractive woman the only hard part here is to make a little time to get out in the world.
And you’re only 22!! I don’t think I had my best sex until I was 25. And I’m still counting (30 years old now). You’re young, this will pass. Even if the sex is that good now try to flash forward 10 years when this guy is ready to retire…convential wisdom says as a woman you’ll hit your sexual peak in the coming years, he hit his when he was 19.
Finding someone to appreciate you isn’t whoring around. Being open to someone who isn’t flying out to see his kids, someone who has the time to focus on you can be a good thing. Needing sex is not shameful.
Really, having poked into your diary a bit, one of my main concerns about this guy is that he is giving you what you want/need only when it’s convenient for him, and in the long run, this is going to damage your self-esteem a lot more than will be worth any benefit gained from the occasional satisfaction you get when he deigns to grace you with his presence. This isn’t a moral judgement, it’s a practical one.
Believe me, I’ve been there with the whole ex thing; it’s very difficult to separate the physical from the emotional, no matter how much you enjoy the physical. The time and energy you expend on this guy, who sems to be wrong for you in the medium-to-long run, is time you could be spending on finding someone who makes you happy a much greater proportion of the time, and in more ways. You are worth more than a guy who spends what appears to be about 2% of his psyche on you!
If you don’t identify your mistakes as such, you are not having learning experiences either. “There are no mistakes”, is about the most bullshit-laden psycho-babble phrase I can think of.
It does disturb me that he seems to have that “breaking up with you was a mistake” attitude and part of me says, well, fuck you, that’s your bad. Blah, I’m just babbling now.
I’m with Eva Luna-reading your diary, I think you have some issues you need to work out before you ever think about getting together again with the boss/ex.
Quite frankly, is the great sex WORTH your self-respect?
I’ve tried going out by myself, but I just feel, well, sleazy.
You feel sleazy going out by yourself but sleeping with a married man doesn’t make you bat an eye?
I can hold onto my fantasy and maybe one day I will be with him again.
Who, or what, has put it in your head that the best you deserve in a man is a philandering sleazebucket who dips his pen in the company ink? You are fantasizing about being with a man who has managed to drive 2 wives away and makes a hobby of nailing co-workers? If this is desirable in your book, I’d hate to see what you’d consider bad.
Do you REALLY think you’re the first office broad he’s nailed? Do you really think you’ll be the last? He’s probably got the latest temp bent over his desk right now as we speak.
**He gave me a lot of self-confidence, and I learned to respect myself. **
“But he made me feeeeeeellll good …”
Hon, a woman who settles for a jerk like this does NOT respect herself. And God only knows what the whole office knows about you now … don’t think for a second that he hasn’t bragged to someone about it. If you can’t do this for yourself, at least do it for your career … if this is a “real” job you’ve got here, you are ruining your career! Let the word get out that you’ll screw the boss if it suits your needs and see how fast you get passed over for promotions and the like. I know Hollywood glamorizes the whole office affair thing, but in the real world it is frowned upon, bigtime.
It sounds to me as if you are “competing” with your friends somehow, who you consider to be much better looking than you. Are they nailing their bosses too? Do you feel better about your own appearance because an older man is paying attention to you?
I’ll never understand why women are so willing to settle for any scumbag that comes down the pike and says the right words You can do better!
I’d seen the world at 21, been to 8 different countries and thought I’d lived quite a bit…lots more than any of my friends and most all of my family.
I had the best sex of my life at 20, then 32 then 36. At 38 it all came together in a man who loved only me and wanted to commit his life to mine.
I’ve only lived a little bit and life is long. Don’t be angry at everyone who tells you that you are only 22. You ARE only 22.
Gee, wonder why? That woman needs to get a clue. Personally, I doubt stealing another woman’s husband ever made anyone happy in the long run.
This reminded me of the following quote:
I would ponder the meaning of that before you decide you don’t believe in mistakes or regrets. They have a way of making believers out of the unwary.
But I see you have decided not to pursue this affair. Good. Having read your diary as well, I hope some of the complimentary things said in this thread have hit home. But please, stop comparing yourself to your friends.
And I’m so glad so many have given such good advice here. Some of my faith in the Teeming Millions is restored.
Ok, Ive been to your homepage. You are NOT average looking. Youre cute. definitely above average looking. I kinda envy your ex if he really is the “best sex” youve ever had but I kinda agree with the rest of the posters here, youre still young enuf to have your whole sexual life ahead of you. I’m pretty safe in betting that theres going to be someone else who could knock your socks off in bed. Heres to hoping you find him soon.
BTW I’m in So Cal too heh but Im also married dont mind me I’m just fantasizing…
Gee Dopers seem to generally have a strong sense of restraint. Any other board and you wouldve had dozens of offers to top your ex.
“Average looking” my ass. You look good and you’re a girl. Those two things together make getting laid so simple it’s almost funny. Even if you were hideous, 90% of guys are up for banging almost anything and anyone after we get a few drinks into us.
If you value your job or like the industry you work in, never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever date anyone you have to work with. Especially if he/she/them/it is your boss. If the relationship works out badly you’ve set yourself up for a really uncomfortable work environment and, in a worst case scenario, a sexual harassment lawsuit or getting fired.
Now, if you are going to anyway…why ask for advice? You sound like you’ve made up you mind and have all the proper justifications in place.
I can’t add anything else. He is married (separated but married). He is twice your age. He is your boss (which could get both of you in serious “up shit crick” both of you could end up without a job - and for what, sex? If you value sex over your job, you have a serious case of screwed priorities (or jobs are a dime a dozen for you).
And, as someone who dated some older guys and was pretty together at 22, I was just 22. If I knew then what I know now, I’d pass on great sex with co-workers.
(This category is above ‘beautiful’, but below ‘drop dead gorgeous’.)
Are they all ex-Miss USAs?
You can do better!
