Why “even” on this board?
Maybe I should have said “including.”
Ah. Thanks.
Why does “including” make you so much happier than “even”?
Even implies that it would be surprising to find X in a certain place, while including merely remarks the X is in a certain place.
But it’s not going to solve these dude’s problems. Most incels think, “if I had a girlfriend, my life would be perfect!” No, that’s not it. Their lives might be better, but they’d still have their issues.
With all due respect, what the fuck do you know? No, someone’s problems aren’t going to magically disappear when they get a girlfriend but your perspective and goals can slowly or even quickly change when you do. Nd maybe they don’t even fully revert back if they break up. This may be news to you: life experiences change you.
Dial it down, please. The tone of this post is over the top for this thread. I’m not sure why you’re making this personal.
That’s bizarre. I’m not making it personal it any way. I’m merely commenting that Guinastasia is neither a psychologist nor an involuntary celibate man and therefore can’t properly make such abolute judgements. Wtf?
I don’t know if it cannot, but it does, for a lot of people. Plenty of people can’t bear being alone, and suffer from depressive state and lack of self esteem ( “will I stay forever alone?” “what’s wrong with me?” “why isn’t anybody attracted to me?”), and their loneliness is by far their main issue and the center of their thoughts.
Honestly, it’s so common that people happiness is dependant on being in a relationship, that I would hazard the guess that feeling this way is the norm and not needing somebody to be happy the exception.
And despite you writing “men” and “girlfriend”, I’ve known much more women than men like that. Although that could be because women are more open to share these feelings, since they’re likely to receive compassionate or commiserating responses while men expressing the same are more likely to be derided instead.
It is better, but not always to the degree that people who don’t have those things think it will be.
We’re supposed to be fighting ignorance. We should know better than to shame people for something they do (or don’t do) that doesn’t harm other people.
Absolutely - they think it will be a solution, a fix for their internal problems. What winds up happening is you still have all those problems, but now you have an intimate audience who’s also affected by them.
It is a symptom, and they think that treating the symptom cures the disease.
It is not uncommon thinking, but it is incorrect.
The problems that kept me from dating for so long (fear of rejection, inability to read signals) are still there for me. They just don’t have the same effect. If I found myself single again it would be the same old thing.
I still wonder what was so wrong with my advice.
Unless we “give up” on OP and admit that a sex doll is his best solution, his only chance is a major psychological mind-shift. Except for electroconvulsive therapy, what might fit the bill besides a long vacation?
Any reason to think a long vacation would change anything? I’ve traveled for months; whatever’s causing my romantic frustration always seems to come along with me.
Then your experience is different from mine.
I have no certainty that vacation would help OP, but he seems to be beyond any other hope than a sex doll. If you don’t think vacation will help, then what do you recommend he try? (To ask a 33-year old to completely change his personality on a suggestion is not a realistic option.)
I don’t think your suggestion was horrible, but it does sound kind of glib without knowing anything about Blaron beyond what he’s shared in this thread. If he freezes up around women, doesn’t know how to hold up his end of a conversation, and/or suffers from unmitigated bad looks, then he could very well travel somewhere and still find himself alone at night.
Yes. I don’t know what the chance is that vacation would be a path to solution, nor even what kind of vacation to recommend. But he must try some major change to get out of his rut. Shyness can be self-reinforcing (“They know I’m shy, so if I try to change that, they’ll notice and think it strange. I’m too shy to attempt that.”) To attempt a new persona, it may be best to first practice on strangers.
The object of the vacation need not necessarily be to get laid. * Just to break out of the rut and hope to acquire new social skills or self-awareness.*
The chance that my suggestion would lead to a fix may be small. But has anyone else offered a suggestion likely to work?