Sex test for men

  1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don’t miss ESPN Sportscenter.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A. No concern of yours.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

A. “I hope we can still be friends.”
B. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.”
C. “Welcome to Dumpsville - population: YOU.”
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

ROFL!

I had no idea cuddling was so expensive!

Dave, I will be expecting a new monitor within the next 2 weeks. Flat screen, preferably.

I knew it!

Hehe, I’ll throw in for funeral expenses for any guy who actually tries that one.

Hey! - how come no guys are actually taking this quiz? :slight_smile: Well, maybe they are but they are too afraid to post their answers…

Very funny quiz WeirdDavd.

Don’t hate me because I can’t type. :slight_smile:
The scary thing is that I did preview - obviously not enough though…
Very funny quiz WeirdDave.

Fine, I’ll take it.

a) Lovemaking (if you want to get any from her for at least 2 weeks)
**

C. Five tequila slammers.

**

d. I can grab a beer and still catch the second half kickoff.

**

d. The reason I left that camcorder on the countertop…running…

**

d. Trying to ensure I have sex with her again at a later date.

**

d) “Is that per thigh?”

**

d. Probably gay.

**

C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

**

d. Sorry, I’m used to LISTENING at this point.
**

d. Is welcome to come over and see if she can do any better.

d. Is welcome to come over and see if she can do any better. **
[/QUOTE]

Lurker - when I first read your answer I had an image of you and “her” laying on the bed having a showdown of who could masturbate better… then I realized that wasn’t what you meant. :wink: And then I had a good laugh -at you and my thoughts.

[sub]ok - maybe its time to go to bed[/sub]

*Originally posted by lurkernomore: *

I can only assume you’ve never actually said anything this outrageous to a woman by the fact that you are still alive!

But I did laugh.