Sex test for men

  1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you’ve both shared:

A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You time your orgasm so that:

A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don’t miss ESPN Sportscenter.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you just had sex with is:

A. The best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6. Your girlfriend says she’s gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

A. No concern of yours.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
C. A conservative estimate.
7. You think today’s sensitive, caring man is:

A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:

A. Appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

A. “I hope we can still be friends.”
B. “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.”
C. “Welcome to Dumpsville - population: YOU.”
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn’t have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.


I had no idea cuddling was so expensive!

Dave, I will be expecting a new monitor within the next 2 weeks. Flat screen, preferably.

I knew it!

Hehe, I’ll throw in for funeral expenses for any guy who actually tries that one.

Hey! - how come no guys are actually taking this quiz? :slight_smile: Well, maybe they are but they are too afraid to post their answers…

Very funny quiz WeirdDavd.

Don’t hate me because I can’t type. :slight_smile:
The scary thing is that I did preview - obviously not enough though…
Very funny quiz WeirdDave.

Fine, I’ll take it.

a) Lovemaking (if you want to get any from her for at least 2 weeks)

C. Five tequila slammers.


d. I can grab a beer and still catch the second half kickoff.


d. The reason I left that camcorder on the countertop…running…


d. Trying to ensure I have sex with her again at a later date.


d) “Is that per thigh?”


d. Probably gay.


C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.


d. Sorry, I’m used to LISTENING at this point.

d. Is welcome to come over and see if she can do any better.

d. Is welcome to come over and see if she can do any better. **

Lurker - when I first read your answer I had an image of you and “her” laying on the bed having a showdown of who could masturbate better… then I realized that wasn’t what you meant. :wink: And then I had a good laugh -at you and my thoughts.

[sub]ok - maybe its time to go to bed[/sub]

*Originally posted by lurkernomore: *

I can only assume you’ve never actually said anything this outrageous to a woman by the fact that you are still alive!

But I did laugh.