Sex with an Ex (a poll)

Backstory: I’m on AIM, talking to a very close (female) friend of mine; she is 22 and has a young child with her ex-boyfriend. He recently came up (from Chicago) to see their child. She told me that she “hadn’t gotten any” in a long time and “needed to get laid,” (yes, she is as crude and vulgar as I am, and that is why I love her) so she had sex with her ex. She doesn’t really feel either way about it; it was just something that inevitabley happened.

I have done the same thing (although not recently) and regretted it. I also know others who have slept with their former SO’s and had different feelings afterwards. My question is: how many Dopers have done this, and how did you feel about it afterwards? Did it lead to reconciliation or more problems? Your thoughts on the issue would be appreciated.


Reconciliation. I will never do it again.

I’ve done it upon occasion with no regrets. We both understand that it’s about the sex, and not about being a couple again. It’s nice to be in a situation where you trust each other, know what each other likes, and yet are just being sexual without any attendant baggage. It helps that we still have a very strong friendship.

I couldn’t even get my ex to sleep with me when we were together! Oh, to have been involved with a reasonably well-adjusted person with whom ex-sex might have been possible!


I’ve never done it. And I have the feeling that if I did, you’d kick my butt…:D.

From what I’ve seen of my friends, it’s not a good idea; it often gives one person false ideas. But to each his (or her) own.

I’m going back to sleep now…

Would never do it. I think it’s unhealthy. I don’t know if I could face myself the next morning.

Why let your lust take over your common sense? :rolleyes:

Hard to take the next day probably… but sometimes ya just need it!

I went out with a woman for a while until I saw we didn’t get along very well, and broke off the relationship. A few years later, she contacted me and said the sex sure was good, how’s about a weekend of sumptin sumptin? No relationship or hidden agendas, a fun weekend with a bonus! We did that about three or four times (she lives in another state), no problems. When I settled down she was just a little disappointed, because I was handy to have around when things got slow. :smiley:

I’ve done it. More than once with the same ex, actually… some times it worked out better than other times, but as a trend… Bad Idea.

I’ve done it. More than once. More than one ex. As long as you keep in mind that it’s just sex it’s not a problem. Usually after sex they do something that reminds you why they are an ex so it’s not really difficult to walk away again.

Done it. It was after we’d become friends again. It was technically a brilliant shag, but I felt kind of detached. We carried on being friends afterwards. It didn’t feel weird or wrong afterwards at all, to either of us.

Done it. For me it was sort of weird b/c i still loved the girl but now that she is just a friend i would love to try it again:rolleyes:. With other ex’s I have done it with it was fine b/c it was understood to be just sex.

I’ve done it both ways: (1) as a way to deny it was over and to nurse along my belief we secretly both still wanted to be together. That’s not good. (2) As an act of intimacy between two people that trust each other and really love each other but just aren’t together as a couple any more. That was oh so good. But that had to come long after the hurt feelings were over.

Oh, I forgot there is a third way: (3) Just good ol’ sex with someone you used to knock boots with. That’s okay too.

Done it a few times with the same ex (years ago, in college). A really bad idea. Especially since I was dating someone else at the time. It always felt angry. Like we were punishing each other; she was punishing me for leaving her, and I was punishing her for luring me back in.

All in all, a bad scene. I don’t recommend it.

Done it. No harm in it. Sometimes you need to hook with someone, and who better than someone you have a little history with. Provided, of course, that it’s not a terribly painful history.

If either of you are doing it in the hopes it might rekindle the relationship - bad.

If not, I don’t see what the problem is.

Please pardon the language:

“The fucking you get isn’t worth the fucking you get.”

From my experience, it’s too true.

You’d have to put a gun to my head. I didn’t like having sex with him while we were together, I sure the hell wouldn’t want to now.