There exists a body of erotica and pornography devoted to “average” men who are attracted to morbidly obese women. To a lesser degree, there also exists similar material which caters to “average” men who are attracted to little people, or, in other words, dwarves & midgets. I have known of one man who dated several women afflicted with dwarfism before marrying one (firmly establishing, in my mind, that little people were his “type,” considering the effort that must have been involved in finding these women).
My questions, then:
Are these men who are consistently attracted to little people or the morbidly obese fetishists, or merely men who are expressing a preference as for brown hair vs. blonde? If the former, what makes their interest different from that of the latter?
Are the women who fall into the above categories happy to have the attentions of these men, considering that their dating landscape is probably fraught with more challenges than most?
I have known of a number of couples in which the man was “average” and the woman was a little person, but never the reverse. What is the frequecy with which little women marry “average” men, as opposed to little men marrying “average” women, and can this presumed disparity be explained in terms of fetishism? Or does the “average” man/little woman pairing simply reflect more closely the typical tall man/short woman tendency discussed elsewhere at this time in GD?
Finally, are there “average” women who express a sexual preference for morbidly obese men or little people? If not, why men but no women?
Of course exceptions abound, and people sometimes fall in love with other people regardless of their physical manifestations, but I’m talking specifically about people who express a preference for little people or the morbidly obese. I apologize if anyone takes offense with my terminology.
I have to point out that your message (although a joke) seems to imply that there is something wrong with serial midget daters. I feel as though something is suspicious here too, because it’s odd to think that there are guys who would seek out women with what are arguably highly visible disabilities. But at the same time, these women are entitled to live and love as any other, so it breaks my heart to imagine that they’re being exploited by creepy fetishists.
C’mon, I know you’ve all been thinking about these issues, even before I brought them up. I overheard you talking about them in line at the Post Office.
You don’t think that some fetishists are creepy? My Webster’s Unabridged defines fetishism as “an abnormal condition in which erotic feelings are excited by a non-sexual object.” Perhaps fetishists concerned with gloves or feet are harmless, but what about necrophiliacs or coprophiliacs? Live and let live, fine, but most people would probably agree that those kinds of fixations are borne of an unhealthy mental constitution. I’m asking whether the same can be said of men who seek out little people and the morbidly obese, since many such men do in fact exist. It’s an uncomfortable and unusual question with troubling implications.
Despite my Nelson Algren SDMB handle, I’m not short, and neither have I dated little people or the morbidly obese. I thought that it would be fun to post a completely off-the-wall question for debate, but the only three posts so far (that weren’t written by me) seem more concerned with me than with my question. Lighten up, folks–my post was all in good fun. You may imagine that I’m obsessed with these topics, but you seem obsessed with me. I’m just a regular guy like any other, wringing my hands with anxiety over midgets.
I think it’s healthy and admirable that you consider yourself normal. Height is just a question of perspective, IMHO and society is unnecessarily judgemental.
Without wishing to be morbidly obtuse, I wondered which is your favourite film ‘Time Bandits’ or ‘Snow White’ - I suspect Bandits carries the more positive vibe for the vertically challenged but I’d be interested in your opinions ?
Maybe when women, however subconsciously, size up a man as potential mate material they look for that whole “good genes” thing. You know, the “can provide well, pass on healthy genes” thing. Maybe the thinking of these women is that 1) a small person obviously has some kind of genetic abnormality and 2) a obese man is “weak” (as seen in our society, as in “no willpower”) and either couldn’t provide or would, again, pass along inferior genes.
I’m not saying I believe these things - just trying to give some kind of answer.
You seem to be saying that height (and, if I may presume, weight) are unimportant, and that (again, correct me if I’m reading too much into this) little people and the morbidly obese merely represent extremes in the range of human variety, so that men who seek out such women are expressing a simple preference. Some would argue that little people and the morbidly obese suffer from disabilities and/or disorders, and that they are not simply “little” and “big” people. If you subscribe to this view (as I do, I guess, but not without strong reservations), it’s not so clear-cut. What if a man dated only women who were wheelchair bound? I don’t know that such men exist, but if they did, the situation would be similar: The man would be targeting women because of their disability.
I appreciate your advice, but I’m already married. To my great regret, my wife is of average height.
A WAG from me would be that some men feel threatened by “modern women” and prefer women who they think will be submissive to and dependent upon them. I know that some men fetishize Asian women because they perceive them as being more submissive than Western women, so some men might go for little people or the extremely overweight for similar reasons.
An interesting thread, because it affects me personally. Given RailroadShorty’s definition of fetishism (“sexual interest aroused by a nosexual object”) I would have to say that no, interest in big or small women is not a fetish. They are still naked women, after all. “Fetish” is usually used to describe an interest in something like shoes or leather, things not even remotely connected to sex under ordinary circumstances.
How does this affect me personally? I happen to have a taste for big women, although not the “morbidly obese” women referred to, and I’ve actually bought some porn featuring bigger women. I generally like women most people would refer to as “full-figured” or “big-boned.” I’ve never thought of this as a fetish, for a couple reasons. One is that I am a big guy myself. At 6’4" and 300 pounds (I was a defensive lineman on my college football team), I make some small women nervous. This is not the case with taller, heftier women. Bigger women are easier to dance with, and are not afraid to get a little rough in the sack. Second, it’s not as if I’m not attracted at all to smaller or average-sized women. The ranges of heights and weights of women I’ve dated is from 5’4"-5’10" and from 135-200 pounds. Third, I happen to prefer large, natural breast on a woman. It’s a fact that these are not often found on petite women, and look strange if they are. Even the smaller women I’ve dated had large breast. It’s just my peference.
As for whether some women like fat men, I think the answer is “not really.” Some women like a bigger man like me, but not somebody who’s so fat he can’t see his dick when he pees. I’ve yet to find a woman who would admit to being attracted to that.
This is rather an interesting question. I don’t have an answer for it, but it makes me wonder why it is that people are drawn to a ‘type’ of any sort. Why do some people only find blonds attractive? Why are some only attracted to tall people? For that matter, why are some people attracted to men, and some people attracted to women, and some don’t discriminate? I’m wondering if the whole proposed genetic basis for homosexuality vs heterosexuality, might equally well apply to other types of sexual preference- for blonds, little people, the obese, or leather shoes. Thoughts?
I think where the question wanders into a mine field is on whether such attractions are fetishes. If we accept a definition of “fetish” as “erotic feelings excited by a non-sexual object,” then we have to ask ourselves if little people and/or morbidly obese people are “non-sexual” – not in terms of how they see themselves, but in terms of how others see them. Not to expose my butt to the flame-throwers, but I think for a lot of people they are – meaning that many people, in our society at least, do not find truncated limbs or aprons of fat to be sexually attractive. (It should go without saying that this is not a comment on the desires or worth of anyone.)
For me, the question of whether someone is a fetishist is more about whether that person is able to become sexually aroused without the fetish object, or even that they can but they very strongly prefer sex con fetish, so to speak. Under this WAD (wild-ass definition), I would say that a man who is only attracted to blondes is a fetishist to the same degree as a man who is only attracted to extremely fat women.
Whether an attraction to extremely fat women (or amputees or dwarves or whatever) constitutes a fetish under the defition given by RAILROADSHORTY depends on how honest people are willing to be about whether they personally consider people in those categories to be sexually attractive or not. To deny another person’s theoretical sexual potential is, IMO, an invitation to have your opionion attacked, no matter how honestly held. That’s why I think truly honest opinions are few and far between on this issue.
As a “tall” but short, non-dwarf person, I never thought I would ever fall for a “little person” for a guy as yes I look for the whole tall and someone who can provide or what Bunnygirl states. However, at 5’1, though not very tall, I’d never thought I’d end up dating a guy who is 4’4. Honestly, best time ever. Most adorable, great personality and just best lover I could ever ask for. I guess it did help that he won me over with his sense of humor…
What’s “morbidly obese”? And what percentage of the population fits that criterion now?
I’m speaking as someone who is definitely morbidly obese (and not just “chunky”), and who frequents websites and events where people can meet and possibly “play” with such people (gay men here, not bbws). Personally, I’m open to a wide variety of men, from slim to as big as me (or bigger)…on the upper end, the logistics can be a challenge, but damn if it isn’t fun to figure them out! I don’t see this (or myself) as a fetish, but rather as a slice of the spectrum of attraction. There ARE chubby-chasers who will just kind of creepily zen out to touching your stomach and kind of forget there’s a person attached to it, but those have been very few and far between in my experience.