Sexual heresies.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

heresy (noun): any belief or theory that is strongly at variance with established beliefs, customs, etc.

Gulp here goes …

*“When a man sleeps around he’s called a stud …” * - I have never in my life seen a man express admiration for the quantity of sex another man is having. If anything, I’ve seen more suspicion than anything else. A man who can’t keep it in his pants is not to be trusted in general, because he probably lacks self-control.

“Nobody notices fat women or thinks they are sexy.” - Well, I am myself a contrary example to this. Not only that, but most curvy women I’ve known never complained about their love life. Many seemed well aware their size gave them certain assets (i.e., deep, canyon-like cleavage) they were definitely willing to use to get male attention.

“I got my breast implants to feel more confident, not to attract attention.” - Yeah, and there’s a bridge in Brooklyn I’d like to sell you. How does buying a product build “confidence” by itself? A C-note to anyone who can explain that logic. On the other hand, “People noticing you more and thinking your’e hot because of your bust” makes real sense. See above.

“A man who is a good lover makes sure the woman orgasms.” - I believed this for years, and interpreted it to mean I HAD to get her off, come hell or high water, and what she did back to me didn’t really matter. And this coincided with years of frustration doing 80% of the effort every time I had sex. I am not the only guy like this I know of, though I doubt we’re a genuine species or anything like that. I’m in a mutually satisfying relationship now, but if I’m ever back on the market, I will never let things get so lopsided again.

Everyone screws around like rabbits when they’re young, and then it tapers off and you grow up/settle down. - I suppose “young” is relative. But I’m having more and better sex now in my 40s than I did in my 20s. What’s different is after a person figures out what kind of person is worth being with, he doesn’t have to keep starting over; he can perfect ONE relationship. And that’s when the fun really starts. :smiley:

Hmm. I suppose I could get flamed for some of this, but I said they were heresies …

2

This is heresy? It just seems like good sense to me.

3

the first is wrong …… although it fits more the younger you are …… after the mid 30s you don’t brag as much ….

4

Read the explanation. Part of the problem was the one-sided nature of this kind of thinking.

5

I don’t really understand what you mean by “one-sided nature”

6

Regarding the implants. My ex got them. She got them after we split up, but she was always really, really self-conscious about being (what she considered) flat. Since I see her, maybe, once a week for a few seconds I couldn’t tell you if it helped her confidence, but it certainly caused issues before she got them.

Now, there may have been other things at play, but I don’t believe she wanted them so other people would think she was hot.

7

[QUOTE=Lizard;21582053
*“When a man sleeps around he’s called a stud …” * - I have never in my life seen a man express admiration for the quantity of sex another man is having. If anything, I’ve seen more suspicion than anything else. A man who can’t keep it in his pants is not to be trusted in general, because he probably lacks self-control.
QUOTE]

you don’t hang around with the same guys that I do. (I am 61 so I am around a lot of males of differing ages and I am female) Males laugh and joke about multiple relationships, cheating and casual sex. I have never seen anyone that is not married or engaged treated with suspicion for sleeping around and the married ones often sound envious of the guy with multiple sex partners.

Some married/engaged men are disdainful of another married fellow running around on his spouse. Others get treated like what they did was a big joke in an admiring way.

8

I have to disagree. I suspect this is a case of YMMV, or of one’s luck with partners, but I take this bit of advice (which you advocate ignoring, as your “heresy”) as pretty much of a given. Even if it places a lot of responsibility on the guy.

I mean, ideally, your partner is following the same dictum. It’s only one-sided if they aren’t.

9

Do most men really care about breast size in women? I mean that’s not really anything that I care about at all. Oh, I have other preferences, but breast size is just not important to me at all.

Maybe it’s just me.

10

I do, but I prefer “small” so maybe that’s a heresy.

However, like most preferences, it is not controlling. I can easily find all kinds of women attractive, despite some abstract “preference.”

11

Quality, not quantity, of lovers. It applies to men and women equally.

A guy who tries to fuck everything that moves and racks up a huge body count of drunken bar flies, Tinder users, cheating housewives, and/or lonely co-workers, isn’t really going to be admired. A successful confident man who has a string of relationships with models and actresses or elegant, accomplished professional women, will probably be admired. If he’s not married. If he IS married and does it, some men might still admire him but by and large I think he will be considered sketchy.

A woman who sleeps with any guy who buys her a drink, or a bunch of bikers or a shitty local band or all her co-workers, is not going to be admired. A woman who has a string of relationships with the coolest or most impressive guys in whatever her social scene is - doctors, scientists, talented musicians and artists who are acclaimed by their peers - will be admired. (Isn’t that basically what Sex And The City was?) Again, this is if they’re not married, but being “serially monogamous.” If they’re married, again, I think most people would consider them sketchy.

Also, if money is blatantly a factor in these relationships - i.e. it’s clear that a guy is only pulling lots of women because he’s rich, or it’s clear that a woman is only throwing herself at a guy because he’s rich - I don’t think either will be generally admired. Gold diggers and sugar daddies are not really respected.

12

A few points:

First, this has to be reciprocal, as already noted. If a man is always doing 80% of the “work” then yes, there’s a problem.

Secondly, women are not vending machines. Their reactions vary enormously, and some are affected more than others by stress/problems/concerns/whatever. Setting up the goal of the woman ALWAYS has to orgasm puts unreasonable pressure on both parties. While women do enjoy orgasm, and orgasming every time you have sex is a wonderful, the truth is that most women don’t get orgasms every time they have sexual intercourse. 10-15% NEVER have an orgasm according to some sex researchers That does NOT mean they don’t get enjoyment out of sex. A woman can enjoy sex even if she doesn’t orgasm (although orgasming means more enjoyment). Pressure to generate an orgasm every single time can put unreasonable pressure on a man AND on the woman, who may fake an orgasm just to get all the rubbing and such to end - because eventually you get sore and then it’s not fun anymore.

I’ve always dreaded the notion that the man HAS TO get the woman to orgasm because I have NEVER had an orgasm the first time I have sex with a particular man - he doesn’t know me and my preferences, and for me the first time is about building trust and getting to know the man’s body/preferences. Back off, relax, and in a couple more rounds I’ll be having orgasms but don’t set it up as a MUST HAVE EVERY SINGLE TIME. Not all women require it every time, and a lot of women just aren’t going to go there every time.

The important thing is that the woman enjoys having sex with you. Is she happy? Is she satisfied? (meaning: is she happy with how things are, not “did she orgasm?”) Does she want to have more sex with you in the future? If all three are “yes” consider your job as a lover done. And the more you have sex and the better you get to know each other and each other’s bodies the more reliably she’ll orgasm.

Sex is supposed to be fun, not work and not a chore.

13

First off, you are not everyone, or even qualify as a majority. You’re commenting based on your experience, and that’s just not a good enough sample. You can say that your opinion goes against established beliefs, but not that those beliefs are unfounded.

You can’t always rely on overt expressions. Look at how often a male character in media has “will screw anything with tits” as one of his defining traits, and whether that is treated by the rest of the cast. I’m not that much into TV or movies, so the only example I can give you is Riker from TNG. Any more recent examples, anyone?

You’re one person. I doubt you have any influence on the media, and you have certainly not seen how fat people are generally treated on the internet.

You may be right. Or you may be wrong. It’s going to depend a lot on the individual who is talking. Also, a lot of media (yes, that again) gives the message that women are supposed to have boobs of a certain size. Buying something to get to that size can at least help a person feel like they are meeting societal expectations. Which can give some people more confidence.

But you are not able to read minds, so passing judgement on a person for making a statement that you deem to be false is simply judgemental, and mean-spirited.

Reframe this as "A man is a good lover makes sure the woman has a good time. Some women just don’t have orgasms that easily, and you could be putting pressure on the other person.

But if you are engaged in any activity with another person, and you aren’t paying any attention to whether the other person is having a good time, or not modifying your behavior if they arent’ enjoying themselves, that pretty much makes you a jerk.

Quality of sex is certainly going to improve with experience, but testosterone levels certainly favor the young

14

[RIGHT][/RIGHT]

Yeesht.

I’m just a few years younger than you, and my own personal experience has been that about 99% of the time, the guys who are always bragging about how much they’re getting, really aren’t.

15

I’m pretty sure “Does she want to have more sex with you in the future?” is the only relevant question there.

I’ve never known sex to be work or a chore. If someone does, then they are doing it wrong.

16

This is my preference and what I observe in my coworkers and friends, its more about proportionality of body than body or bust size. The women we (as a group) find generally attractive all have proportional bodies, even if there is plenty of variation in preferences for size

17

I tend to agree to a certain point. I think most men enjoy the look (and feel) of large breasts and view it as an attractive feature in the abstract, but once you are in a relationship, I have never heard a guy complain about that feature once in a relationship or go out looking for strange because of it.

Almost every other sexual physical feature: yes. But not that one. It seems to be a societal construct.

18

Again, from my experience, guys as a rule are insecure in their sexual abilities. This may result from having multiple sexual partners in their lives (see my other threads). Once we have women who can come rather easily through vaginal sex, we tend to think that when our current partner does not, that we are not doing a good job of satisfying her. So we keep trying sometimes with disastrous results.

The important thing is open and full communication WRT sex and what you like (the general you). Don’t lie and PLEASE don’t fake orgasms. If what I (the general I in this case) do is not working for you and/or you need us to do X, Y, or Z in order to orgasm, just tell us. Even if it is embarrassing, just say it. We have heard worse.

If three fingers in your ass with a monkey jerking off in the corner is what you need to get off, then TELL US! I don’t think I stand alone in saying that a guy’s ego is really reinforced by doing what his lady wants to satisfy her in the sack.

19

As a fat woman, I can attest to the fact that fat women get less attention. A lot less attention. We’re part of the furniture, basically.

As for why the overweight women you know have never complained about their love lives–many people think that the very idea of fat people having sex or an interest in sex is repulsive. If you bring up anything, even obliquely, about your love, sex, or romantic life, there will be at least one person with a look of disgust on their face. You learn very quickly to shut the hell up about it.

If anyone asks you, or if you’re in a situation where staying quiet would be more conspicuous than joining in the conversation, you’ll say something entertaining and seemingly body-positive–the way your friend did about her cleavage. Admitting the truth would be super-awkward, ruin everyone’s mood, and make you look like an asshole for spoiling the fun.

20

I have. Berlusconi, Julio Iglesias… I’ve been in the car with four men (I use the term loosely), one of whom was expressing his admiration of Berlusconi while the other three lapped it up (the first one being the boss of the boss of our boss). When I indicated I was finding the monologue uncomfortable I was told to “oh, just suck it up, honey”. For the rest of the week I took a taxi. Passed on the invoices, too.

And curvy does not equal fat.