Funny, I’d think that hearing that the man WANTS TO FUCK HIS STEP DAUGHTER and is supplying her with drugs and booze is far uglier than someone pointing out how disgusting he is and showing in a raw and sarcastic way that it’s not her fault.
For Maastricht…so it will absolve him?
What happened to your ‘…take their own responsibility’ stance?
This idiot is her stepfather. Her stepfather. At any one point, the expectation is that he is the adult in this fucked up psycho circus.
And yes,zweisamkeit, a suggesting the t-shirt and panties on a 12-year-old requires a man to masturbate is ugly. For reasons already stated.
What. The. FUCK???
Re-read the OP. Again, the OP said that the Friend hit on Stepdaughter and she went and told her mother. “Seducing him” my ass.
Oh, poor, poor stepdad. It’s not HIS fault he can’t step up and be an adult to the kid he helped raise. :rolleyes:
Wait, what? I was being sarcastic and making fun of the fact that a poster here legitimately thinks this girl is some sexual minx, seducing her poor, helpless step father.
Man, this is hilarious. It’s just like Spectre the mod not getting AClockworkMelon’s hyperbole in the gastric bypass thread. I think you got whooshed dear. You see, :: dons teacher hat :: Diosa used this really neat new thing called “sarcasm”. That means that she really doesn’t think a man has to masturbate when seeing his 12 year old step daughter in a t-shirt and panties. Yes, really! It actually means the exact opposite!
Yeah, I suppose. I helped them do some painting one time and she wore a bikini while she painted. She talks about sex pretty openly/freely and has a lot of sex partners that she’s not shy about discussing. He’s told me that she’s shared intimate details about her sexuality that I’d care not to repeat, for the sake of propriety.
Etc.
When I was a teenager, I regularly did yard work, car washing, etc. all in a bathing suit. Does that mean I was seducing my step dad? *Shit. * What a hussy, I was.
No, really, I can’t believe you guys. This is really vile. Like, a new low for this board. Congrats.
This thread is heading for Trainwreck City if we’re not careful. Can everyone back off a bit, please? Winston started this thread for help in processing this and to ask for advice how to help his friend.
Everyone tone it down, please.
Ellen Cherry
IMHO Modeator
I think the sarcasm was lost on some readers.
Psst. Diosa. I got it.
And yeah, categorizing this girl as the predatory one in a relationship where Friend clearly has been the one in a position of power for a great portion of her childhood is… problematic at best.
And as kind as your words regarding my sensibleness have been, Maastricht, I came damn close to qualifying for a diagnosis of BPD myself, and at the age of 20 was fucked up 3 ways from Sunday in part because I had to live with a father figure who was sexually attracted to me. People with personality disorders generally don’t just develop them out of the blue – they are theorized to come out of significant periods of major childhood stress, and as many as 80% of women with BPD have suffered childhood sexual abuse.
I haven’t done the kinds of things this girl did, but the reasonable person you are familiar with now took years to create. I was an overemotional, psychologically fragile, narcissistic, self-destructive non-fuctional HotMess myself at that age. So I’m not going to contend that just because someone is a HotMess means they can’t be victimized. I’d argue that makes it easier.
We don’t know that this guy is her “stepdad” at all. For one thing the couple isn’t married. And worthless mom was apparently around until two years ago, which, coincidentally, was when the girl turned eighteen. So, given that this kid seems to have been raised with no standards and no guidance and no discipline and little if any love, it’s entirely possible that the guy either had no power or was actively prevented from interacting with this girl in the way fathers do and has been in reality little more than mom’s boyfriend living under the same roof, and since mom has bailed he’s become little more than an older roommate.
I think Maastricht, more than anyone else posting to this thread by far, has an accurate view of the reality of this situation.
Okay… Despite my earlier flippant (and fairly stupid) comment, I’m trying to wrap my head around this situation, and I keep going back to this paragraph:
You say they met 10 years ago. Most of the posters here seem to be assuming that he has thus been acting as “step-father” to the girl since she was 10. This may be the case, but can you clarify a bit? When exactly did they begin living together? What was his relationship with the daughter like before that point? Who owns the house?
I ask these questions because it seems to me that the very best thing for your friend would be to walk away from both of these women and never look back. Of course he won’t do that just on your say-so, but just maybe if you and other of his friends and family members begin relentlessly urging him to do so, it may one day sink in. But, he may have financial (with the house) and/or legal (depending on common-law marriage rules where he lives) entanglements which could complicate making a clean break.
But his girlfiriend is clearly no prize as a mother or a girlfriend. By your description, she didn’t “leave him to raise the younger daughter,” she left him living in a house with her adult daughter. Different thing there.
Then, this:
…which means either he made this up/made himself believe it to help justify wanting to fuck the daughter, or the girlfriend really would be OK with her boyfriend doing her daughter. Take your pick. Not good either way.
And:
Whatever you may think of the appropriateness of the threesome offer, involving the daughter – even indirectly – in the planning of it is just plain icky.
Your friend would be well rid of this entire family, and if you want to help him, I think your mission should be to do your best to get him to see this.
So, he is well within his rights to want to fuck her and tell his friends about his plans to dick her down, is what you’re saying?
I’ll cop it on the chin that I missed the sarcasm Diosa - fuck knows I copped it when the sarcasm *I *intended (I-don’t-know-how-many-pages-ago) was missed; but I really don’t think you had to be such a snark with your explanation **zweisamkeit.
**Having one thing go over my head in this screwed up, sexually inappropriate thread does not call for treating me like a complete idiot.
No, I think what he’s saying is that the guy just isn’t thinking clearly because of the seductive temptress ways of his step-daughter. He’s being manipulated, and we know that that means, right? It’s all her fault!
Sorry, dude, but when two people reply saying you missed it, and you reply again with, “YES, IT IS OFFENSIVE FOR THE REASON I SAID”, I’m gonna be a snark-ass.
So, I’ll ask again: because this girl has over stepped her role (whatever that is) and has turned into a seductress, are we now deeming it ok for this guy to 1: want to bang her and 2: brag to his friend about it? If everyone agrees that yes, it’s ok, I’ll take back my insults.
I’m really curious to see Winston answer Wheelz’ questions.
The thing is, I can’t fathom any circumstance where a ten-year old has an older male living with her and he’s not some kind of father-figure to her. Or in the very least, some kind of family figure, definitely a situation where the power dynamic is tilted in his favor. It just doesn’t happen. A young girl’s life is by necessity impacted by an older male living in the house, and I can’t imagine a single circumstance where he wouldn’t have more power than a ten-year-old.
And kids that age totally have to deal with burgeoning teen sexuality and everything in that context, and find the appropriate way to express their sexuality. And if a girl is living in a house with an older male that encourages her to be flirty and sexual with him, it’s fucking creepy, and it’s also totally confusing because she really doesn’t know any better and she trusts that person to have her best interests at heart.
So, no, Starving. Assuming our assumption is correct, and that he’s been living with this girl since at least age 15, I’m not going to accept that there is an equal power dynamic between them, much less that she’s calling the shots. Even if he is the most hands-off father figure on the planet, that is still what he is to her. So this is not the equivalent of some strange 40 year old man at a bar hitting on a 20 year old. It’s a violation of trust. Even if she’s trying to give him fucking lapdances and insisting she wants it, it’s a violation of trust.
I think the family dynamics of CreepyStepDad, BadMom, and HotMess are fucked up, probably beyond repair for *any *of them. HotMess may be manipulating CreepyStepDad, but I don’t think she is to blame for using the materials she has to feed her (probable) addictions. That’s what addicts do.
I think that Maastricht is right in that CreepyStepDad is suffering from an uber-crush on HotMess and needs to get away from her for at least two years, hopefully forever.
Winston, I’d asked before if there was anyway to get HotMess into rehab? Hopefully during those weeks your friend could move out and start getting his life back together?
Yeah. Well you might want to check the posting times on all those. And I hardly CAPITALISED it.
Lots of posters to this thead keep referring to him as her “stepfather” and to her as his “daughter” and using that so-called relationship as fodder for calling him evil and reprehensible and claiming that he’s betraying her trust in him as her father figure. I’m saying that may not necessarily be the case. And not only do we not know the true nature of their relationship over the years, we don’t know how long he’s been living there either. He may have only moved in when mom bailed or shortly before.
Thus the situation may be nothing more than essentially a roommate situation in which you have a 38-year-old guy living under the same roof with a 20-year-old sexpot and getting the hots for her and deciding he wants to try to develop a relationship with her.
I’m not saying this is the case but I’m saying it very well may be, and if it is there’s far less “evil” going on, and far less further damage, if any, happening to the girl.
And I’m saying people are way too quick these days to jump to the conclusion that: male=evil/girl=victim.
ETA: Sorry, olives, I’ve just seen your post on preview and am about to leave for work. I’m gonna go ahead and post this anyway and will try to answer your post when I get back later this evening.