That started somewhere around a 28 year old man living under the same roof as that 10 year old girl. That’s something important to note here. At some point during that time (and she’s only been legal 2 years), he decided he wanted to fuck her. I guess I’m skeptical, but I have issues believing the guy honestly just started thinking about sticking it to her in the last year or two.
Maybe someone else here has fucked somebody they’ve known since that person was a child. I haven’t. It’d skeeze me out hardcore.
Okay, thanks. And I agree with you that we don’t necessarily know how long they’ve been living together. If they started co-habitating as adults I do think it changes things, but we don’t know how long he’s been living with girlfriend, and assumptions that he’s been living with her since age 10 and that he is her stepfather have thus far been unchallenged by Winston.
If I sound overly angry, remember, I’m incredibly biased. But I think I’m biased in a good way.
I reacted the same way. (Wrote several replies, but decided to cool down instead.)
Maastricht,
I have a problem with what you are saying here.
To me it seems as if you are saying *‘It’s okay to mess with this person because they are messed up. They don’t feel things like a real human being.’
*
The only response I have to that is: ‘WTF? No, it is not okay. They are a real person and they can still get hurt.’
Winston, I too would like to know when the friend started “raising” the daughter because I can’t decide if his actions are inappropriate or disgusting. If he’s been raising her long enough to be a stepdad, then it’s gross. If he’s only really been in her life since, say, 17 and on, then it’s just inappropriate. Now of course there’s going to be some carnage from this, but I want to know if I should be offended or if I should just bring the popcorn.
Okay, it is in the realm of possibility that he did not in any way act as a father figure to the girl.
You know what? He should have. That’s what a decent person would have done. Here you are, watching a teenage girl you’ve known for years (I’m assuming she didn’t suddenly turn bad the moment she turned eighteen) slide into a life of drug abuse, promiscuity and physical danger while her mother enables her. This could be a neighbor, a friend, a student…whatever. What do you do? Do you try to act as a mentor and role model? Do you try to get her into rehabilitation? Do you try to influence her to make more positive life choices? Do you make your home a safe but clean place where she is not allowed to indulge in the things that are ruining her life?
Or do you give give her drugs and spend all day figuring out how to stick your dick in her?
I don’t care what the others were doing. I don’t care that she’s a “hot mess” and Mom’s apparently no better. For a decent person, these are not huge hurdles. These are hardly even speed bumps. You just do the right thing, regardless.
The only difference between good people and bad people is that good people do good people things and bad people do bad people things. Your friend is doing bad person things. There is no excuse.
While I think this situation is more than a little creepy, having lived in extended family/group living situations most of my life, I can testify that there are easily situations where a 10-year old girl could have an older male living in the house who is not a father or authority figure. Several of my cousins (younger brothers with very forceful older brothers) fell into this category when I was growing up. We (the children) basically saw them as our bigger contemporaries, not as other adults. And they weren’t dominant even among the children.
Yah - assuming the step-daughter does have some sort of psychiatric diagnosis, it’s pretty low for the (presumably) non-psychiatric step-dad to take advantage of that just because he can.
If the step-daughter was mentally challenged and had a trust fund and step-dad was trying to figure out how to steal her money I don’t even think this would be a discussion.
It definitely can happen, but my question still remains: in the situation you describe, would it be ok for a 28 year old cousin by marriage (so no blood) to spend 10 years in the house with a kid, then, when the kid is 20, stick his dick in it?
To me, there’s nothing biologically or legally wrong with doing that (so long as he waited until she was 18), but it’s still wrong. Maybe I’m a prude.
Not to mention he’s been screwing his aunt the whole time, too…
It is, at the very least, interesting to see some of the perspectives here. As we all know rapists, molesters and creepy assholes don’t all wear balaclavas or name tags identifying their kinks and optimal groping times, so they’re going to have friends, families, spouses. I can appreciate how hard it is to shift your view of someone based on something they’ve said (or, as someone implied upthread, done – and it does sound like the guy has already made a move). But positioning this as a Lolita situation… actually, that could be quite appropriate, it just doesn’t work if you thought Humbert was a poor horny pawn.
I don’t care if they met ten minutes ago - you don’t fuck your girlfriend’s daughter.
Who the hell cares whose fault it is - you don’t fuck your girlfriend’s daughter!
You don’t need to dress anything up in psychiatric terms, or wonder why the daughter is messed up, or how much time she spent with him, or what her mother is like. Just don’t fuck your girlfriend’s daughter.
Even if this girl/woman is flirting with the friend, that power imbalance is a serious problem. And even though she is technically an adult, Friend is the older, supposedly wiser one. As it was said, a good person would throw this girl a lifeline, not take advantage of her problems.
Well, yeah, except for the fact that Winston Smith actually knows the guy. :rolleyes: I would THINK he would know a little bit more about the situation than you or Maastricht.
Either way, if she HAS been raised in such a way, then she WOULD be more of a victim, since he’d be taking advantage of someone who’s obviously messed up, who he’s known since she was a kid. (And I believe there was mention of him making a pass at her before, and her going to her mother?)
You may think that, but that doesn’t make it so. And it’s beside the point anyway. Neither Maastricht’s posts nor mine were attempts to challenge Winston Smith’s knowledge of the situation (knowledge of which he’s given us very little, btw). Rather, Maastricht’s posts and my response to them were in answer to most of the other posters to the thread up to that time, whose view of the situation basically boiled down to friend=evil personified and girl=victim…a view which in my opinion is sexist at its root: man=evil/woman=helpless victim of manipulation or abuse.
Maastricht’s post (and she’s a trained psychologist, I believe) was the first to take an objective view of the situation as it very likely is in reality, which is that the guy has become hopelessly infatuated with this woman, and that the girl - damaged emotionally as she may be and for whatever reason - isn’t likely to be damaged further by whatever does or doesn’t take place between them in the future. And she gave very good advice as to what Friend needs to do to extricate himself from the situation.
In my opinion her posts were objective, insightful, educational, and even more importantly - correct. I believe Winston Smith would be well served to ignore virtually all the other posts to this thread and concentrate solely on the three excellent posts that Maastricht was good enough to devote considerable time and effort to composing. She knows what she is talking about.
I didn’t mean that quite the way it sounded. What I meant to say was that IMO Maastricht has the objectivity, insight and professional training to know what she’s talking about and that her posts should be given weight accordingly. I was headed out the door and posting in haste and I apologize to the many posters in this thread who’ve offered their posts in good faith and who may have been offended by my clumsy choice of words.
What do you want to take away from this?
His continued friendship?
A sense that you did what you could to stop it?
Legal immunity?
God knows how this is going to end - you can’t stop it, but it will end.
Where do you want to be when that happpens?
I don’t know what is stopping you from emailing this (and the other board’s version) to the girlfriend. Don’t have an email? Print them off and put them in her hand.
If she is fine and dandy with her boyfriend humping her daughter, she may turn on you even more than your friend will. Either way, it will probably make the situation blow up - hopefully, before charges are brought.
Another thought:
Any chance of having the friend move in with you (for a seriously set time limit) or otherwise get him out of that house? The trainwreck is 20 - she at least knows how to find food and use a microwave - the bills can be routed to her everlovin’ mama. Important thing is to get the fool away from her.
