It seems like often women only really get into sex when they’re with a new guy. After a couple of years with him, her sex drive takes a dive. Poor old guy is devastated. But what it would honestly take for her to get sexed up again is a new guy. (And I do realize this does not apply to every woman).
Then, the big focus becomes getting her to like sex with old guy, getting her to have orgasms with old guy, focusing on the act and her feelings about the act with old guy. And old guy’s technique, etc. This focus is boring and doesn’t work, imo.
I am thinking that for such a woman to like it again (with old guy), she would need a new way of thinking that goes beyond the above. Lasting sexiness is a lifestyle or way of thinking of herself. It’s not what she does, it’s who she IS - a more sexual person. Someone who overall dresses sexy, thinks sexy, does sexy things, IS sexy, and that’s what makes her love sex.
Personally, when my libido is high I couldn’t care less what my husband does, I use him like a cheap thang. When it’s low, I still couldn’t care less what he does, it won’t make me more in the mood. I would appreciate it. But that’s not the same thing at all as having it make me HOT for him, see? So I’m wondering about the focus that’s always put on the man or the couple. I just think it may be missing the mark entirely.
Do you think so? Do you think it is possible for a woman to decide that that’s what she’s going to become- a Sexy Person -and take it up like a hobby? (Without getting a new guy).
I think it’s absolutely possible, provided she’s doing it foremost for herself. Kind of mirroring what was mentioned in the OP, it doesn’t much matter what my partner does, good or bad as much as it matters how I feel to start with.
If you don’t feel in the mood I doubt you’d feel like doing all the stuff you said. Maybe a better approach would be to figure out the conditions that put you in the mood, and reproduce them. It could go anywhere from going out to dinner or a new location in the house to as simple as getting enough sleep.
Said as a successful old guy.
What does a person who “does sexy things” do? Does this “sexy” woman go around having “sexy” lunches, or drives a “sexy” car “sexily” while being “sexy”? Is this different from any other woman who likes to roll in the hay, and is just a normal person, or does she have to do “sexy things”?
Yes to all, I see this pretty regularly. Driving in the car, hair is blowing back, at the stop light she is licking her lips, looking over and winking, then seductively turning back towards the red light.
Same thing at the grocery store, picking up a piece of fruit, again licking the lips, maybe letting out a moan, placing item in cart…
