There is a terrific, award-winning French immersion school program (as opposed to school) in his immediate area.
That is the one both of my daughters are in and have been since kindergarten.
I know it’s only your natural reticence that’s stopped you expounding on it, Shagnasty, but I’d like to hear about your martial arts training and experience.
I’d like to hear about how he was the first black woman on Mars.
I am a little reserved when it comes to such matters but I did take karate classes as a kid and made it from white belt to almost the next level before I dropped out. I also dropped out of Air Force ROTC in college. Come to think of it, commitment isn’t really my strong point and I am not big on physical exertion or injuries. Why am I going to be out there busting my ass when I could be in a restaurant or bar with a beautiful woman? Like I said earlier, I am a lover, not a fighter.
Well, then I apologize – I thought I read there wasn’t. Either way, most of what he tells us is probably made up, although I wouldn’t be surprised if HE believes some of it.
You would be surprised Guin. That is the inside joke. I write about things that sound improbable in the most sensational way possible but really happened. I don’t always include all the details but what I wrote was true to the best of my knowledge at the time. A whole lot of it isn’t flattering to me at all. Some of it really is sad because I am a flawed person that misses opportunities because of character defects but still manages to snag some as well. A lot of it is just because I have had to live out a combination of Arrested Development and The Help in real life plus some Breaking Bad thrown in for good measure. I am trying to become as boring as possible these days but it doesn’t always work. I am going out with someone that is in the same situation.
Actually, when the first black woman lands on Mars we will hear that Shags had already been living their eleven years, subsisting on greenhouse potatoes grown in his own shit. She will find him irresistibly attractive, and they’ll be fucking in the greenhouse within the hour.
I demand to know what the first black woman on Mars ever did to you to deserve such scurrilous predictions?
Look, who gives a shit if what you say is true or not? As far as I’m concerned, that’s not the issue. If you’re lying you’re a horrible person, and if you’re not… spoiler alert, you’re still a horrible person. So who gives a fuck? Stop trying to deflect and make yourself sound like a fucking hero because you live this extraordinary life the masses just couldn’t possibly understand, and start trying to make a change, because right now you’re just taking up space for the decent humans. Fuck off.
No, no, no, no, no. It turns out the first black woman on Mars turned out to be really boring, constantly pressuring Shags to found the first Ivy League school on the planet. So Shags had to dump her.
In the meantime, he met this really quirky Martian volcano heiress, who turned out to be just as adventurous as he is. Their first date was a canoe trip through a lava bed where they made out and toasted S’mores over the flaming magma. Most people would have avoided the volcanoes but Shags was accustomed to the heat and molten lava because he had a neighbor in Louisiana who murdered his entire family and subsequently burned in Hell for all eternity. Most people don’t believe this but it really is true.
I never said I was a hero. Quite to the contrary. I can screw up with the best of them, am self-serving and don’t have a very much empathy for people I don’t know and like. I can be sweet too though with the right people like you kind folks. If you will have to excuse me now, I have to go watch some porn.
Great, say hi to your daughter for me.
I know how you feel. We all have our untold stories. I don’t talk about it much, but I myself am a reclusive billionaire who constantly has women throw themselves at me because of all my homes in exotic locations and my yachts and my fleet of private jets. Yet there is a certain shallowness to it all that sometimes makes me feel guilty when I discard them like a used dishcloth. Maybe we can get together sometime and discuss our mutual problems. Me and a couple of loose wenches are off in the Gulfstream on Friday for a weekend in Monte Carlo if you want to join us, but I warn you, it’s just going to be the boring same old, same old. If you can’t make it because you have other commitments, like tending your potato crop on Mars, I understand.
Oh! By all means! Not a moment to spare!
Fuckin’ freak.
I knew you would have taken karate, but I’m sure you’re being far too modest about your accomplishments.
Ew.
If he lives in the town where he says he lives, then yes, that district does have a French immersion program. However, unless his ex and daughters live in the same town, the only way his daughter could be enrolled is either 1) her “tuition” is paid to said district and is allowed because the district where the daughter legally resides doesn’t have a similar program, or 2) there’s something else going on.
Then again, if we’re talking private school, disregard all this.
Pardon me and I’m in no way sticking up for him or a fan, but this comment about his daughter right after his about watching porn was out of line in my opinion, and totally NOT cool.
+1, although I have taken pot shots at Shag, like everyone else. I do worry about his children. If he actually has them. And he is the one who stated she’s a better date than most women he knew, at the time. It just came off as pervvy sounding.