Shame on parents that didn't teach their children about dating

I constantly see threads in IMHO, from younger people seeking advice about dating and romance:

And these are just the ones currently active. There are hundreds that go back into the archives.

I read some of the OP’s of these threads and even some of the responses, and I think :smack:, where the hell were these kids parents?

If you have kids, please don’t let them turn out to become ignorant, low self esteem, introverted, people that have no clue what it means to date someone.

I’m not saying that you should encourage your kids to date before you think they should, but you owe it to them to prepare them for dating. Give them self confidence in who they are, and teach them self respect. Admit it, even if you were the same way when you first started dating, wouldn’t you have loved to know then what you know now? Pass it on to your kids.

Are you sure this salvo doesn’t belong in the pit?

Heh, when I was a teen, the last thing on earth I wanted was to have my parents pass on to me their collected wisdom on dating of all subjects. :smiley:

For one, their knowledge of that topic was all gained in the 1950s and was about as relevant to a teen growing up in the 1980s as that of a pair of ancient Egyptians - or at least, so I thought at the time. :wink:

How the hell do you know the parents aren’t “ignorant, low self esteem, introverted, people that have no clue what it means to date someone”? You say introverted like it’s a bad thing.

Children aren’t raised in a vacuum, and it isn’t just what your parents tell you that makes your personality. It’s easy for peers to destroy self-esteem in a short period of time, to say nothing about mostly immutable inherited traits.

I’m not seeing how introversion has anything to do with ignorance, low self-esteem, or not understanding what it means to date someone. Reckon I’ll have to return my degree and my husband to the warehouse for store credit and stop referring to my friends lists as “my adoring public.”

My parents’ advice about dating when I was living at home would have, quite frankly, been about as useful as tits on a boar hog. I didn’t date in high school because of the dearth of people who met my standards–standards that were high because of my confidence and self-esteem. Dating advice from my parents would have consisted of “don’t be so damn picky.”

Besides, asking my mother anything about dating would have led to her wanting to have long, involved discussions about sex. We had quite enough of those without egging her on, thank you ever so much.

My parents never taught me how to date: I’m not sure that they knew all that much about it anyway, since they were young adults in the 1930s and 1940s in Australia, and dating wouldn’t have been a big part of the culture.

My own dating experiences, in the 1960s and 1970s in Australia, were eccentric enough that I’m not sure that I’d really want to pass them on. But, again, it wasn’t really a dating culture: you met people at parties or at the pub, and were likely to be friends before you started “dating”.

My parents didn’t teach me anything about dating, and I’m not sure they could have, or that it would have been of any use. My friends didn’t really date. We all went out together. And it didn’t really change that much for most of them when they got older. I think about half of the OP is right – teach your kids to be respectful and good-mannered and that they have the right to be treated with respect and manners. Beyond that, parents aren’t much more useful than a dating advice columnist.

I may be the sort the OP is refering to. My parents didn’t teach me a thing about dating or sex. I don’t remember either of them ever even mentioning the subject. I haven’t learned anything much on my own, either.

At least it’s self-selecting from an evolutionary perspective. It doesn’t look like I’ll pass on my ignorance to any kids.

My parents grew up in a conservative society where dating was frowned upon unless it was explicitly with the intent to marry. My parents dated for less than 6 months before they got engaged.

I don’t think they would have had any helpful advice for me.

If I have kids, I don’t plan on lecturing them about the art of dating either. Figuring that stuff out for yourself is a rite of passage. If they want advice I’ll give them my opinion, but that’s about it.

MY parents were clueless. They wouldn’t have been much help if they had tried.

I got help from my parents…

My mother gave me the advice to never order spaghetti on a first date. Pretty good advice, I’ve passed it along to my daughter. I also learned that an empty coke bottle is a good defense against date rape (seriously). I learned babies too soon were bad, you probably won’t marry the first guy you fall for, so don’t sweat it and its best to have your own ride home.


Oh sure. Dating advice from your parents? RIght.

I didn’t buy it when my mother told me stuff. Like, what the hell would somebody who got married in 1932 know about dating?

I highly doubt that my kids would buy it from me. We got married in the '70s. Dating was a lot different in those days, I’m guessing.

We did try, though. Right in there with “clean up your room” and “do your homework first.”

Self-esteem? My parents didn’t wreck that; it was my public-school and early high-school experience that did it. Everything since has been climbing back out of the pit.

I could have used some parental tips, or some dispassionate non-parental tips, sure, but better yet I could have used a type of help that I’m not sure existed then.

Bah, my dad was gone before dating became an issue, my mom was liable to turn any discussion into teasing or a Very Serious™ discussion about making sure to have protection. After all the classes in 5th and 6th grade, sex with protection was… how should I say it… bleeding obvious, so I’d prefer to avoid the teasing and the talk that does nothing. All my family ever does when it comes to romance is make fun of me, and if I complain about it they claim I’m being “too sensitive” because it’s just good natured. Oh wait, I do get dating advice, when my grandparents come down my grandpa tells me to hit on waitresses and cashiers, great, I really want to flirt with a captive audience. It’s gotten bad enough that I don’t even mention female friends around anyone other than my mom because they feel the need to go “OOOOH A GIRL!” And anyone who has seen some of my posts will note that this makes talking about things difficult since the majority of my friends are female.

Besides, getting good advice doesn’t really matter, I’m sure I can figure it out all by my lonesome. I’m not an idiot, I just have crippling, apparently un-mitigatable social anxiety.

The OP must be new. :confused:

My father taught me everything I ever needed to know about dating after my first experience-treat the lady with respect. End of lesson.
It works great.
The very few women who don’t deserve that treatment make it clear very early on. That prevents many problems.

Wait, what?

The only thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about. Maybe you’ll find something useful in what they say, or maybe you’ll reject it. In a vacuum, there’s nothing to push against.

Good luck figuring it out. And hurry.

My self esteem was ruined by my classmates in middle school and high school, thankyouverymuch. My parents are both introverts, and they knew how they grew up and did their best to help me get along with the real world. But when the real world (at least the one in my formative years) constantly puts you down, teases and torments you, and tells you you’re worthless, it tends to cause issues.

I don’t think that’s valid advice anymore, considering coke bottles are thin plastic instead of thick glass. Now if we’re talkin beer bottles, that may still be valid.