Goddamn!! That’s just… damn!! AHAHAHA :eek:
A great t-shirt I saw somewhere said:
“I eat more pussy than cervical cancer”
Might as well bring a little racism to the party.
How to you get an Italian girl pregnant?
Cum in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
It sounds like it’s funny, but I don’t get it. 
Bob Saget’s and Doug Stanhope’s versions can’t be touched. Didn’t link Saget’s because it gets annoying watching it with the commentary cutting into it.
One I heard from a good friend of mine this past summer:
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being f***ing retarded.
Whats better than not being retarded?
Ice Cream!!!
The implication being that Italian women are dirty, therefore both their feet and pussies attract flies. Flies on the feet will carry jism up to the pussy.
Three gay guys are sitting in a hot tub after a heavy session of sex. A big glob of cum floats to the surface. One of the gay guys says “OK, who farted?”
What is white and runs down the cross?
The second coming of Christ.
LOL.
Oh lord, I just thought of another one.
A man went to the doctor, complaining that his butt hurt. The doctor examined him, then prescribed him a suppository, the first dose of which he administered right there in the office. The man went home, and a few hours later the time came to administer the second dose. He tried to put it in himself, then found it was too painful, so he went to his wife to help.
“Be careful,” he said, “I’m really hurting.”
So the wife put a hand on his shoulder and put in the suppository. Suddenly, the man starts screaming bloody murder.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m trying to be careful!” The wife said, thinking she was hurting him.
The man replied “No, no, you’re doing fine…it’s just that when the doctor did it, he put BOTH hands on my shoulders!”
Related to this:
How does a West Virginia girl know when her brother is home from college?
Her dad’s dick tastes like shit.
Why do you wrap a hamster in Scotch tape??
So it won’t burst when you fuck it. 
A man sits down at a diner and opens the menu. On it is printed the following list:
Fried Egg and Toast – $3
Ham Sandwich – $6
Handjob – $5
When the waitress comes around, the man asks her, “Are you the waitress that gives the handjobs?”
She replies, “Yes I am!”
To which, the man says:
“Then wash your hands and get me a ham sandwich!”
A leper decided he wanted to go to a ball game, so he bundled himself up (so his appearance wouldn’t disturb the other people there) and went.
While enjoying the game, he noticed the man next to him staring. The leper tried to ignore it, but couldn’t help notice when the guy threw up. The both went back to watching the game, but again, the other man began staring and again threw up.
After this happened a third time, the leper said to him:
“Look, I’m sorry - I know my appearance can be disconcerting. I normally stay in, but I really wanted to get out and see a ball game. I’ll go - I didn’t mean to ruin your day.”
To which the man replied:
“It’s not you - it’s the guy in the row behind you, dipping his nachos in your neck.”
Oh, I’ve got an ATOMIC one.
How does Christ Resurrected give you a hand job?
hold your hand out perfectly horizontal and straight, palm down, and bob it up and down
If you don’t get it:
You’re miming fucking Jesus’s stigmata.
What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
a pizza doesn’t scream when you put it into the oven
A guy goes to a doctor complaining of hemorrhoids. The doctor prescribes suppositories and tells the guy to come back in two weeks. When the guy returns, the doctor asks him how he’s doing. The guy says, “I’m no better, and these things you prescribed taste terrible!” The doctor says, “You haven’t been eating those, have you?” The guy replies, “What did you expect me to do with them? Shove them up my ass?”
How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen?
Nine, four in the car and five in the ashtray
Sorry