the only thing I can think of is
‘thicker than pigsh*t’
-about the most derogatory thing I knew how to say when I was a kid. Also good for describing members of the ARC.
Likewise, ‘dumber than a sack of hammers’.
My dad used to describe trying to make my brothers and I hurry up as ‘herding Brown’s cows’
Eep! Dual posting. Seems the above applys to me as well.
…“You’ve got a bake on ya like a lurgan spade…”
“…Getawaydafug ya wee gat. Who’d ya fink y’are? Wee Slabber…”
“…Fer fuhsake catch yerself on ya fuggen goat ye…”
(Some of the above from here.)
when you approve of something - That’s just the cat’s ass!
Insult - * Girl’s so skinny, you drop a quarter down her back, you get two at her heels*. I never really understood that one.
Insult - Girl so skinny you could pick a lock with her thigh
Threat - Slap you into Sunday and be waiting for you on Monday.
Heard this one in Dallas…
Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road.
Tupug Anachi: Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road
Brynda: That girl is short up and tall around
Jake: He’s so skinny he has to run around in the shower just to get wet
and
I may be old but I’ll be around to piss on your grave!
Honey: She’d f*** a snake if it had ears to hang on to
delini8r: You can’t polish a turd
Dread Pirate Jimbo: Wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which one gets full first
Goo: that’s one sperm that should’ve been swallowed
El_Kabong: He hasn’t got enough fat on his ass to fry his ears
QtM: Well, solder my spleen vents shut and hang me a new frog
Hotter than a Georgia whore in church.
Do you smell what I’m steppin’ in? (Do you know what I’m getting at?)
Dumber than a box of rocks.
“the team folded like a cheap suitcase”
'Uglier than a dog with five legs"
“there’s a face only a mother can love”
“she’s a few fries short of a happy meal”
“about as useful as tits on a nun”
“so old he’s got an autographed copy of the bible”
(in reference to getting screwed over or stabbed in the back) “at least kiss me before you f**k me next time”
“happier than a pig in sh*t”
More money than a show dog could jump over.
Colder than a mother-in-laws kiss.
Hung like a stud field mouse.
Dumber than a piss clam.
Couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel.
Busier than a cat with three pu***s.
Taller than the pine trees.
Language so dirty it would put a nun into a coma.
So nasty you could make a hooker blush.
Her a$$ looks like two dogs fighting under a blanket.
Your eyes look like two piss holes in the snow.
Slower than old people fu%^ing.
May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.
My friend from Nebraska just supplied this deviation from the rocks one. She says it’s her Irish Setter’s nickname.
Dumber than a box of hair.
Said to my brother when he was modeling a tight pairs of pants -
“Your ass looks like two boys fighting under a blanket.”
Said of someone breathing heavily -
“You sound like a fat man climbng a fence.”
After a dinner with folks I had recently met,
“I’m as full as a whore in a no spittin’ zone.”
yikes, what was I thinking.
Lack of Brains:
Dumber than a box of rocks.
He’s got room temp IQ
Smarter than a pond full of Coi.
Exercize in futulity:
Like shoveling sand in the desert with a slotted spoon.
Like bailing out the rowboat while under the Niagara.
**Shirley’s Favorite So-Far **
Tighter than a camels ass in a sandstorm.
(What a visual!)
From my mother-in-law about someone who’s fidgety/tossing & turning:
“Like a fart in a skillet”
Fair, partly cloudy. (reply to How ya doin’)
(On spotting a pretty woman) That’s enough to make a young bulldog break his chain.
(On spotting a pretty woman) She’s a wonder of nature, that one.
Close, but no see-gar. (Dad told me this came from carnival games where the prize was a cigar.)
Crazy as a stump-suckin’ mare. (Folklore says wood-chewing horses are daft.)
(wimpish) He ain’t got no hangy-downs.
(extremely fit) She’s got a body you could rollerskate on.
(tumescence) So hard a cat can’t scratch it.
Ass deep to a tall Indian.
That thing would turn on a dime and give you three cents change.
(small sports car) Room for your ass and a gallon of gas, and if your balls hung low, well, you lost 'em.
(people in a mad rush) It was all assholes and elbows.
Slower than molasses headed up hill. On the shady side of an iceberg going north. In January.
A face only a mother could love. Headed out the back door, on payday. Downhill. With a tailwind. (Really, really ugly)
Too pooped to pop. (tired)
My eyes feel like boiled onions in a snow bank. (too little sleep)
As useful as fins on a dicky bird’s chest.
Fair is fair and pigs is pigs. (when someone isn’t being fair)
Like five pounds of grapefruit in a three pound bag. (A well-endowed woman in a too small top)
More …
On futility: Like poundin’ sand down a rat-hole.
On a deadbeat person: That feller ain’t nuthin’ but a waste of skin.
On wisdom: Done seen the elephant and heard the hoot owl.
My dad (rest his soul) was famous for saying “That’ll go over like a fart in church” when something simply wasn’t going to go over too well. It always made me giggle for some reason.
“Shinier than a diamond in a goat’s ass!”