Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and it was shortly before Christmas when the FAA examiner arrived.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order.
The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He check the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolf’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for sled’s enormous payload.
Finally, they were ready for the checkride. Santa got in and fastened his seatbelt and shoulder harness and checked the compass. Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun.
“What’s that for?” asked Santa incredulously.
The examiner winked and said, “I’m not supposed to tell you this, but you’re gonna lose an engine on takeoff.”
A guy goes to a diner and while sitting there he notices some orders coming out of the kitchen on metalic trays with fancy egg dishes. He asks the server what is that and she says “Those are our famous Eggs Benedict!” So he orders some, it comes out on the same metalic tray and it’s absolutely delicious. After the meal he asks her why they are served that way. She says “Our Hollandaise sauce has lots and lots of lemon in it, that’s what makes it so tasty. But it’s also highly acidic, and has scored the glaze on our regular porcelin plates, so we switched to these.”
“Everybody knows, there’s no plates like chrome for the Hollandaise.”
That’s a little esoteric. Is the examiner introducing a mechanical problem to assess the pilot’s ability to respond to an emergency situation something that happens in checkrides?
The high school chess team is going to the state tourny in the capital city. They’re extremely excited and hopeful for their chances. At the hotel, before the start, they’re all gathered in big atrium lobby talking about old matches, how good their team is, and how much they’re going to kick ass against these bums they’re playing.
Finally, the hotel manager comes out and tells them they have to leave. He refused to have chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
A man who does a lot of business in Russia decides to take his wife, who’s never been, on a holiday trip with him; to mix a little business and vacation pleasure. He hires a tour guide named Rudolph, an old former Communist Party operative he’s familiar with, having made use of Rudolph’s services in the past.
Rudolph asks the couple what they’d like to do first, and the wife says she’d love a guided tour of Red Square. Rudolph licks his finger, sticks it high in the air for several seconds, and says “better wait until tomorrow. A big thunderstorm is about to hit within the hour.”
The wife leans towards her husband and whispers “but there’s not a cloud in the sky right now. Are you sure about this guy’s qualifications?” The husband answers…
Every Christmas, John Deere and his less attractive brother Gus traveled to Barcelona, where they joined the locals in the town square to watch Santa’s sleigh pass overhead. One year, the celebration took a tragic turn when Blitzen came loose from his harness and plummeted straight down onto the two brothers. John was thankfully spared the worst - he only ended up with an arm trapped under the massive creature - but Gus was squashed flat. As they waited for the ambulance to arrive, a bystander turned to his wife and said:
“The reindeer in Spain, dear, stays mainly on the plain Deere.”
Can’t speak for Santa, but when I was getting my private pilot’s license, on one check ride, the examiner pulled the throttle all the way back to simulate an engine loss to see how I’d deal with it. I assume it’s still done, tho I haven’t flown since the 70s.
As for the thread:
What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
But wait, there’s myrrh.
1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.
Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK.
Try another cup just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.
Check the Vodka.
Now ###### shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
