Share your favorite porn movie "plots"

Cafe Society
21

Well, I say that for weird plots in porn, you just can’t beat hentai:

Slave Warrior Maya from the “Cool Devices:” The evil rulers of planet Kaga are up to something evil, and the Galactic Federation sends out a pair of hot psychic investigators to find out what they’re up to. Since the planet is a part of the Federation, the rulers have to cooperate, but they don’t like it. Meanwhile, on Earth, a pretty girl looks into a crystal ball at a fortuneteller’s and is magically transported to Kaga. She finds herself in the woods where she encounters two guys who look kinda like a large, heavyset Hekyll and Jekyll, wearing clothes. They trick Maya into disrobing, the inform her that any woman who disrobes in public has declared herself a slave, and they tie her up and take her to the local market, where they put her up for auction at the local slave block. She’s purchased by the evil Lord Raglan, whose face looks like the top third of a traffic light, so you know he’s seriously bad. He intends to turn her into a sex fiend, and at his dungeions she winds up naked and chained to a high tech table, when all these tentacles appear an … boomchikaboom. After that, things get weird.

Or take “Viper GTS,” another favorite:

Our story starts with a blonde, handsome young demon named Alphina who commands a group of hot she-devils whose mission it is to go to Earth and collect souls for him, whenever some sorcerer is foolish enough to conjure them.

This generally involves promising the sorcerers anything in exchange for their souls. Given that the she-devils are all extremely attractive and have the inhibitions that you’d think she-devils would have – i.e., none – the requests often involve the personal services of the she-devils, services that are often of a hentai-ish nature.

Meanwhile, the angels up in heaven have been observing this soul collecting activity and it’s pissing them off, as it goes against nature. The angels, who look a lot like the she-devils except they’ve got smaller breasts and narrower hips, determine to put a stop to all this soul collecting, and a detachment is sent down to collect a she-devil or two and put her on the path of righteousness, and boy do they have a different way of handling that procedure.

With the plot on full boil already, we next see young Harry conjuring up the she-demon Carrere. Carrere is the oldest and most proficient of the she-demons, and also the most bodacious of the group. Harry, properly portrayed as a scrawny young man with tousled hair, goggles at the sights of all this womanly goodness bulging the thong-like demonic finery that is Carrere’s normal wear. When Carrere makes her offer to Harry – anything he would like in exchange for his soul, Harry knows EXACTLY what he wants – Carrere. And so, boomchikawowow Harry gets his wish. And then things start getting weird. I mean, I’ve never seen angels portrayed as chicks with dicks before …

22

I agree. Well sort of. You can’t get to the slamming before the tying up and the humliation and the whips and toys. But maybe that’s just me.

But I’d agree about the plot…if only because it so rarely works. Give me an outline and I’ll fill in the rest (although I still belive I…and only I! can make a good porn movie with a plot.{and yes I have a few thoughts})

It works better with soft core, or “real” movies…like The Hunger. David Bowie having sex with Anne Magneson. David Bowie having sex with Catherine Denuve. Susan Sarandon having sex with Catherine Denuve. All within a story about life and death and betrayal and classical music. Good stuff.

And this is bad because…?

23

Because it makes the Baby Jesus cry?

24

Discussed extensively here.

25

Well given your name I have to take you as an authority…was it any good? What about The Opening of…damn, I can’t remember the name, another '70’s classic. Or Behind the Green Door?

I am just curious.

(yellow)

26

Funny. The porn movie I was considering writing was in fact SF. Or at least futuristic. Perhaps this is a void that need filling…

27

. . .

No. No comment. Let that stand as written. :cool:

28

:smiley:

29

All porn is about voids that need filling … :smiley:

30

Saw one film about a guy living in Hollywood making a living as a bicycle delviery boy who is apparantly not very good at his job. His boss (one of those over-the-top Indian type guys with the thick accent) sends him off on his Last Chance™ delivery. The guy gets lost or something, and while trying to find directions, ends up getting hired at the last minute by directors in various porn videos (and on one occasion, is mistaken for a male prostitute hired for some girl’s birthday).

Space Nuts has a plot remeniscent of Star Wars, where this evil (and ugly and stupid in the Cobra Commander tradition) wants to capture this space princess (who is, of course, a big-busted blonde nympho, which only differentiates her from most females in her galaxy in that she happens to be a blonde princess). The movie is rather imaginitive (using lots of CGI for various cheezy space battles and such), and is played as a sex comedy. Ron Jeremy has a 2 second cameo, teleporting into a scene, askign “Where’s the Buffet?” and then beiung transported out again.

Orgazmo: Not so much a porn film as a movie about porn. The plot here is that Mormon Porn star has to become a vigilante superhero (using various sex-toy based weaponry, along with teh Orgazmarator, a beam weapon which gives anyone orgasms), in order to defeat a local porn director/crime lord and rescue his girlfriend so they can go get married at the Temple in Salt Lake City. Made by the South Park guys, it has the collection of actors you usually see in their films along with a bunch of porn actors and actresses (Chasey Laine, IIRC, plays “Lobster Girl” in one scene, and Ron Jeremy plays porn villian “Jizz Master Zero”)

Sadly, the only nudity in this movie is, whenever we are about to see frontal female nudity, some guy’s butt moves into frame, along with a bass guitar riff and a complaint from the director.

31

Here’s another interesting hentai plot:

The Bizarre Cage – Workers at an amusement park that looks a lot like Disney World (but is never called such) discover that someone has sabotaged the computer control program and the rides are going berserk in “The Bizarre Cage.” The park’s staff work frantically to restore order to the park and keep the customers from being hurt, meanwhile someone evil is kidnapping beautiful young park workers.

Eventually, several park workers twig to the fact that some of their members are being absconded with, and begin investigating while the park is still half berserk and half repaired. So some workers are at computer command and some are running around the park and some are writhing in chains, and some workers are running around looking for the workers who are writhing in chains and also rescuing park patrons when they can.

It turns out that the usual crazed guy is kidnapping beautiful young female park workers for just the sort of reasons you’d imagine in a hentai. Revenge. Lust. Opportunity. He chains each one up to overhead rafters so distant that the chains vanish from sight before they reach the rafters, in a full-suspension spreadeagle. Stark naked, of course. Then, boomchikawowow …

32

Ed McBain wrote a marvelous story about three guys who hire an actress to do a very artistic movie that is mostly sex with the three of them. They pay her $125 a week and guarantee the film will make her a star and she will make millions.

The punchline being that there is no film in camera, and the three men are basically using the woman as a whore for whatever sick fantasies they have.

That story would make one helluva porn flick.

33

From “If college themed porn was real”

http://jakechristie.blogspot.com/2006/06/if-college-themed-porn-were-real.html
(mostly safe for work)

Disregard the total non-sequitor debate about US & Canadian foreign policy

34

[QUOTE=betenoir]
Well given your name I have to take you as an authority…was it any good? What about The Opening of…damn, I can’t remember the name, another '70’s classic. Or Behind the Green Door?QUOTE]
Candy with Carol Conners (Thora Birch’s mom) was great.Debbie Does Dallas.Misty Beethoven.many of the 70’s porn had plots as they were trying to reach the Deep Throat level of acceptance

35

Also also in hentai, there’s “Princess 69”:

The villain, Tomomi, is not a happy camper, though by all appearances she should be. She’s the apple of her father’s eye, and he’s the chief of police. For some reason, this gives her great clout with everyone she meets, as if police chief is a combination ma0fia boss and law enforcement agent … sorta like a small-town sheriff in the South. 4555

Tomomi is also the leader of the local college gymnastics team. (Now I’m making a point of saying it’s a college team because in the US we associate gymnastics with very young girls. But this story is set in the Japanese equivalent of a college, so don’t get weirded out on the age thing – besides, there’ll be plenty else to weird you out in this one.)

Tomomi’s also a gorgeous redhead and very limber, like all the other gals on the gymnastics team.

The coach of the gymnastics team is a greasy-looking middle-aged scumbag named Nikusuke. Nikusuke is clearly and obviously a pathetic, overweight perv who’s hot for his young gymnastic charges, a fact which they openly discuss in front of him, generally while calling him names.

Nikusuke has made a habit of collecting mementos of his charges, i.e., their panties and other things, for reasons that probably don’t bear looking into. His habit costs him big time when the cops raid his apartment and find his stash of stolen panties and whatnot.

But Tomomi, as the daughter of the police chief, goes to Nikusuke and tells him she’ll intercede with her father (whom she has wrapped around her little finger) to keep the bust under wraps – meaning Nikusuke won’t lose his job at the school and get publicly identified as a perv – if he’ll just help Tomomi with a little project of hers. (Actually the raid was a set-up engineered by Tomomi.)

Tomomi’s project is the Dark Gymnastics, a secret adjunct to the regular gymnastics team’s workout that gives them abilities that will supposedly let them defeat their rivals.

The first person to be initiated into the Dark Gymnastics is Miku, a prototypical Sweet Young Thing who’s always happy to make friends and get along with people, always willing to forgive a slight and never prone to slight others. Harmless, inoffensive and kinda needy in that she REALLY wants everyone, especially Tomomi, to like her.

Miku’s invited to try out for the uber-secret Dark Gymnastics team. Miku, being a friendly and trusting sort, agrees, and winds up in the gym after hours, with Tomomi and Nikusuke. She discovers that training for the Dark Gymnastics is extremely rigorous in a new way, since it seems to consist entirely in being tied up naked in ways that tests her body’s limberness while servicing Nikusuke both orally and otherly, i.e., boomchikawow. Invite other gymnastics team members to join the Dark Gymnastics, rinse and repeat boomchikawowow.

36

Story that revolved around people being scammed into sex, with a bunch of vignettes as examples.

One vignette had a so-called security guard for a Rolling Stones post-concert party keeping a girl out of the party until she blows him. He lets her past the door only to find a tape recorder palying Stones music mixed in with party sound effects. They used “Some Girls” during the scene.
Another vignette was a guy pretending to be a gynecologist boning a patient.

If anyone actually knows thismovie, I’d love to know the title.

37

I remember seing a flick with an invisible man. I think it was in dutch, and I wasn’t in the mood for it, but it’s a rather unusual porn plot.

But The Patty Diphusa Stories and Other Writings by Pedro Almodovar and Kirk Anderson are abso-fucking-lutely brilliant. Not a movie, and not really porn either, but rather a fake biography of a porn actress who fancies herself a genius. I’d quote it, but all I have is a norwegian translation (No luck with google), and I don’t think I could do the text justice by translating it again. The name Almodovar should be sufficient to convince some, however.

38

Heh, I thought of this when I saw the thread title. “Ja, I am an expert” :stuck_out_tongue:

39

Sex Trek II: The Search for Sperm

After witnessing his performance during Pon-farr, female aliens steal Spock’s penis. Kirk and the crew must find some way to distract them long enough to get it back.

Great lines:

Scotty (to Kirk and the crew after they’ve beamed down): “Sorry, Captain, the transporters are down, I can’t beam you up until they’re back online.” (to female crew member) “Ok, we’ve got some privacy, let’s fuck”
Female crewmember: “One of these days, they’re going to figure out that transporters don’t break down.”
Scotty: “Those idiots? Yeah, right.”
Scotty: “Feel the thrust of me engines, lassy!”

Redshirt, after Kirk orders him to have sex with an alien: “Why me, Captain?”
Kirk (emoting and gesticulating heavily): “Because… I’ve… Got a… Three-film contract… And you’re… Just a… Day player!”

40

That’s hilarious. Sounds like some Trek hetero slash writer got him or herself a script made.