[redneck]we alabamians can’t understand what is so damn wrong about the above statements. Shucks, cant afford the doublewide if Sis aint around to help pay the bills.[/redneck]
Osip
mmmmmm . . . girl bits . . . 
Carry on.
>>First of all, you’re jumping to conclusions here! SHe’s NOT my daughter! How do you know she is? I’m not allowed to have a little sister? Asswipe!
Secondly, what difference does it make to YOU if I have a daughter? Who gave YOU the fucking right to make value calls on me??? How do you know how old I am? What in fucking hell do you know about my circumstances? How do you know I’m not older than I look and happily married? Or even just older than I look? Or even just married? WHAT THE HELL?
Third, why the hell do you feel the need or the right to walk up to a total stranger in a store and bitch her out?!?!?!?!
Grrr.<<
Hi,
If you want a really good retort to these morons, I think you got it right here.
Although there have been some good suggestions, and Tony is right that you have an excellent comeback in your “what I shoulda said” comments in your OP, may I suggest a little “verbal judo”:
“You have thirty seconds to apologize for using that vulgar, sexually explicit language in front of my little sister, before I call security and press charges, starting < pause > now.”
Too bad the kid’s probably too young for you to teach her how to respond to those situations. Something along the lines of tugging your sleeve and saying “Can we go now, Grandma?”
Oh, I can top that. I also look just like my dad. When my son was born, he came to visit me in the hospital. Everyone else (hubby, step-mom and sister) all went to get sodas, so it was just me and my dad in the room. A nurse came in, and thought my dad was my HUSBAND!!! Talk about YUCK!
Sublight…“I just grabbed her at the mall”…too funny!
Back to the OP, I have had the same thing happen to me. I look quite young for my age…well I used to look young.
I got married at 21, had a baby at 23 and got divorced at 24. Consequently, I was walking around without a wedding ring, but with a young child, and older women often felt it was their place to comment on teen pregnancy and unmarried mothers to me. WTF? What freaking business is it of yours?
Conversly, when I was newly married, I actually had people ask me why I was wearing a wedding ring. Because I’m married, you moron! They would usually comment something like, “How old are you, 15 or 16?” No, jerkface, I’m 21, okay?
It never fails to amaze me how rude some people can be.
Or a waitron could just say, “What would you like?” and forget about who relates to whom.
Man boobs, that’s what they are called . () ()
When I was about 13 or 14 I baby sat my older cousin’s (mike)little girl. She was about 10 months. Sometimes Mike would drop me off at the library with his daughter and I would walk back to their apartment. Being a law student at the time, Mike would some times hang out with us and study.
BOY the looks we got. And considering when I was 13 or 14, I looked about 11 ( and passed for under 12 all the time at the restaurants that had the Kids Under 12 Eat Free)
Someone finally asked if she were my daughter and gave puckered look at Mike. I was a shy polite kid , but shades of what was to come showed when I said, " I’m 13. He’s 24. He’s also my cousin and this isn’t the South."
Mike loved it, commenting, " Nicely put. I’ll probably never be able to check out a book here again."
Just when you think people couldn’t get any ruder or crasser, they do.
I really, really like Polycarp’s response. Slamming cretins back with reasoned, lethal politeness can be sooo satisfying. How about something like, “This is my sister, and I won’t let strangers harass her. Either you apologize and leave now, or I’m calling store security.” And do it if they don’t grovel and flee.
Know what’s really sick about this? What kind of self-appointed moral vigilante pulls this kind of crap in front of a child? It’s grossy unfair to you, of course, but at least you can talk back. What kind of vicious message does this send to your little sister when strangers walk up and imply her very life and presence is a disgrace?
Seething,
Veb
Hehehehe.
A few months ago, my best friend and I were babysitting her 4 year old sister. WE’re both 18. And we’re both females. Straight females, I might add. We’re walking down the path in the park, this lady walks up, starts screaming about how wrong lesbianism is, and how we should go to Hell for subjecting a child to our lifestyle. Em loooks at her, smiles, and says “At least we’re on good terms with the devil. Have a nice day.” And we walk away, holding hands. The look on the lady’s face was priceless.
May I second that? One short sentence, and it a)gives you the upper (polite) moral ground, b)points out the erroneous assumption, c)emphasizes that the offending cretin is in the wrong, d)makes a reasonable threat, and e)requests an apology. How can you do better?
You could go ballistic, and I certainly have no problem with that, but then the offending cretin is gonna feel self-righeously justified. But if you make 'em realize just how stoooopid they are, that’ll stick for a while.
Good work, Polycarp.
If you really want to be evil, you could say,
“You’re right. I should have had an abortion. I guess that’s what I’ll do this time [pat stomach] - thanks for the advice!”
hey, why not…
I have no clue where ya’ll live, but I don’t wanna live there. Most of the time, Mississippi isn’t that bad.
Except for this one dear ancient lady. I’m sure she wasn’t being crass, but when she sweetly asked my sister (who was 9 at this point) why she wasn’t helping her Granddad and father load the groceries…
Well… Dad nearly died laughing. I was trying hard not to, and my poor sister just looked at her with this wonderful How Gross! look on her face. Dad finally got enough breath to explain that he was the Dad, I was her older brother.
Poor lady. She didn’t know what to think. At least Dad wasn’t offended. 
A similar thing happened to me, when I was 16, pregnant, and in high school. We had just moved to this shitty little town in that festering oozing pustulant boil in the ass-crack of America (AKA Illinois) where the people were dumb as rocks, I had no friends, and the shit-wit school guidance counselor made me re-take all the same courses I’d already passed as a freshman because they were required for juniors and he was too lazy and stupid to tailor a schedule for me. So anyway, I’m standing in the lunch line, trying to be inconspicuous (hard to do when you’re the size of a house) when this freshly graduated Antioch College type comes up to me and says, “I just want to tell you I admire you very much for having the courage to carry this baby!” WTF! I was too flabbergasted to say anything. She walked away while people around me snickered.
I often think of all the things I could’ve said…oh well. Hindsight is 20/20.