Ooh, I just thought of one that will make me turn the channel, and I am not too picky about getting back for the next segment. The Burger King commercial where the King is digitally inserted into sports highlight reels. Also, the commercial for some other goddamn thing where they alter the highlight reel so that Michael Jordan misses the shot, or Dwight Clark drops the ball. Just remembering them pisses me off.
The Mega M&Ms ads. A stupid product idea to start with, stupidly executed, but the ads are stupider still. It’s an escalating festival of stupid.
My most-hated ad ever seems to be off the air now, but it only seemed to air on weekday morning TV, which I haven’t watched in ages, so I could be wrong. It was the Senokot (laxative) ad using James Brown’s “I Feel Good” over film of a bike rider popping a wheelie, a grocer juggling fruit, people dancing, various other happy people doing happy things, all really happy because, presumably, they’d taken Senokot and had a good shit. I have instructed my friends that if they ever see me act THAT happy about taking a dump, they are to have me humanely killed.
And this is why I quit buying Charmin. Used to be I’d pay whatever it cost, since I liked the product. But not after seeing those goddam bears. Now I look for the lab puppy or the old women quilting. ('cause store brand still sucks)
Yeah, and how about those Dulcolax ads for (man, I hate even typing this) stool softener? “It doesn’t make you go, it makes it more comfortable to go!” Yuckola.
And I must add my loathing for the Mars candy bar commercial (with the girl popping from the wrapper). Really every part of the ad annoys me, but the worst for me is when the guy says, “What-EV.” Oh, hell, now we can’t even say a whole word like “whatever?” And his forced laughter just makes me want to punch him in the nards.
As for that horrid “beard Skittles” ad, all I could do when I first saw it was gape in horror.
Pediasure–hey, Mom, instead of jumping through hoops trying to find some food that the picky eater from hell (“I don’t like chicken!” “I don’t like broccoli!” “I don’t think I like waffles!”) will condescend to consume and then buying that flavored oil for her, how about letting her get hungry enough so that she’d eat chopped chicken feathers. You know, missing a meal or two won’t kill her, and might actually cure that smarmy tone in her voice!!
That annoying spokesdork for Outback Steakhouse.
Not good. Not good.
For years, I’ve watched Bud Light ads, and I came to the conclusion that I’m just not sneaky/stupid/dishonest/desperate enough to drink Bud Light. The new Bud Light Daredevil, though takes the cake. Aaaaaaarrrrgh.
Damn you, you brought that up before I could. It is NBC that is doing it, and their strategy is to emulate a morning drive-time “zoo crew”, talking about shows they love in an insanely upbeat, perky way. What’s irritating is that my local morning DJ of choice, Dave Morey of KFOG, is one of the most mellow, laid back voices you’ll ever hear, AND THAT IS WHY I CHOOSE TO LISTEN TO HIM. But the commercial will start off with a number of different voices all talking over each other:
–And, we’re back!
–We are!
–Ohmigod, did you guys see that show on NBC, “[insert show here]”? I LOVE THAT SHOW!
–Last week’s episode was hilarious!!
I’d quote more, but it takes me about 1.2 seconds to turn off the radio, so that’s about all I usually hear.
Aw, but I like that one. For just a few seconds, I get to pretend like the 49ers lost that game and Dallas went on to yet another Super Bowl.
Oooh, good one. I’d forgotten about the rather dense chap with the “I Live in The City” glasses on. He needs to have a dead Kookaburra mashed down his throat.
You may have seen the short version of that commercial. IIRC, the longer version has the man saying he’d marry her all over again, right at that moment, and she says in a coy tone, “Yeah, right, in front of all these people?” or something to that effect. I got the impression that she was saying that he was shy about expressing his affection in public (which anyone knows can be easily accomplished by buying her a flashy ring.)
I haven’t seen them in a long time, but commercials for birth control pills used to really irk me. The producers took great pains to show that the woman in the commercial was married with five-second closeups of her wedding ring, or wedding photos. One of them stressed that the woman was merely *delaying * having a baby until the time was right. I guess they didn’t want viewers to think that women who use their products might be single sluts who don’t ever want kids.
I roll my eyes every time a radio commercial for “Austin’s hottest new club, (insert name) is here…” DJs, lounge, dress to impress, yadda yadda yadda. I just want to scream at the cheesy announcer, the script writer and for good measure the owner that good clubs don’t need to advertise.
The specific name escapes me, but there’s a commercial for speciality yogurt that features one roommate asking another if she’s ready go. The roommate says no-she’s bloated and irregular and therefore can’t actually leave the house. The first roommate talks about the bacteria-fortified yogurt she eats every day to stay regular. Who the hell does that?
A roomate concerned with their friend’s healthy bowels, that’s who. You know the saying: “A friend will help you move a couch. A **best ** friend will help you move your bowels,” or something to that effect. 
Once, my mom and I were in her kitchen chopping up vegetables. Suddenly, an impluse took control of me and I said, deadpan, “Mom, do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling?”
She stared at me for a moment, and then laughed so hard she choked.
I just saw a new Bud Light commercial that I laughed my butt off at. A group went to a Japanese restaurant and they told the big macho guy that if he ate the SomethingOrOther Surprise his whole table would get free Bud Light. He says it sounds like a great deal and how bad can that be? They bring him normal looking sushi then some Alien-like face-hugger thing leaps out and attaches to his face while the waitresses all yell “Surprise!”. Later, with the thing still attached to his face, he says “it tastes funny” and the waitress smiles sweetly and says “it lay eggs now”.
My new entry for annoying commercial is a Wendy’s Frosty commercial with two stoner/geeks discussing their frosty’s and saying it’s not a solid or liquid so it must be a “soquid” and it’s going to change their lives! Then skinny stoner geek says the real money lies in the “Foon”, the Frosty Spoon. Which is just a regular plastic spoon, maybe just slightly longer.
C’mon, it’s just a really thick chocolate milkshake (that may or may not contain any dairy products). it is not live changing.
Besides, everyone knows the spork is where the money lies.
KMart has a new, truly shitty ad out right now for Mother’s Day sales, featuring a little boy sitting on a toilet (partially obscured, but you know he’s there), and then he yells out, “Mooooom! I’m dooooone!”
For cripesake.
There’s this Bounty commercial that they showed before the movie started at our theater a few times. Think 70’s BDSM gay porn, but with Bounty…and icing.
That’d be Milky Way… and I know because it is my SO’s new quote.
“Why so blue, panda bear?” And he says it in that accent. It makes me crack up every time.
I think the current crop of anti-marijuana commercials is especially stupid. It either shows CGI kids all squashed or distorted (to show visibly the supposed mental effects of smoking), or it shows kids shoving fists in their mouths or running from vicious dogs in a junkyard or other general stupidity. The message is, “First they asked me to smoke pot. Then they asked me to outrun a rabid dog/shove my fist in my mouth/sodomize a bull with a railroad spike and a ball-peen hammer! SO I SAID OK!”
There must be some sort of plan to make anti-drug ads as stupid as possible. “Only dopes smoke dope… thats what my dad said! But he was drunk at the time…” (Kids in the Hall)
Also, if you’re going to advertise for anything in Austin, make sure your voice talent can pronounce “Burnet” and “Koenig” correctly (especially when your business is on one of those streets), so you don’t sound like you just came in from California.
Come on - the way that girl throws her humps and her lumps around during the commercial is quite…appetising.
-Joe, appetiting
The moniker can be misleading. This Wile E is a straight female and that chick just doesn’t make my “If I Were A Lesbian”* list.
- As performed by Zero Mostel. “If I were a Lesbian, yadda badda beeda deedle dum. All day long I biddy biddy bum, if I were a Les- bee - uhnn!”
Oh, I got a few. There’s some for a mobile phone company. I don’t think they do business here. Anyway, they show some famous person as a kid not using the product and turning out as a nerd instead of famous person. It closes with “unlimited chirp.” WTF is a chirp? I’m pretty sure I don’t want it.
The feminine hygiene products commercials where women dance frenetically with high leg-kicks? I asked an OB/GYN about that. Apparently they’re taking liberties with the truth.
I’m deciding whether this poorly-produced local commercial is annoying or if it’s just pathetic. She’s monotonously whining on the phone to a friend because she has no money to get fixed up to go partying tonight. Before the hysterical blindness kicked in, I saw she’s, putting it politely, hideous. Or is it repulsive? Her friend must have convinced her to hock her next paycheck to go to the nail salon and hairdresser. [Editorial Note: Donald Trump’s next paycheck isn’t enough for this gal.] It ends with 45-degree rotated long shot of her dancing with people to Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough in a darkened office. Oddly there is no close up shot of her at the party.