Here’s a user script for Chrome and Firefox that will replace “Regards,” with a random signature from a list of your own entries.
It’s a lot of fun.
Sincerely,
Crazyhorse
// ==UserScript==
// @name Disregards
// @namespace Disregards
// @description Disregards
// @include http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/*
// ==/UserScript==
(function()
{
// Add new signatures to the list in the format below.
// Signatures should be within quotes and each entry separated by commas
var newSignatures =
[
"I will always love you,",
"Of course I may very well be wrong,",
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts,",
"Until we meet again,"
];
var numSigs = newSignatures.length;
var allNameHeaders = document.getElementsByClassName('bigusername');
var testHeaders = document.getElementsByClassName ('alt2');
for (var i = 0; i < allNameHeaders.length; i++)
{
var username = allNameHeaders*.innerHTML;
if(username=="Shodan")
{
var randomSig = Math.floor((Math.random()*numSigs));
var testmessage = testHeaders[i + 2];
var testtext = testmessage.parentNode.nextSibling.nextSibling;
testtext.innerHTML = testtext.innerHTML.replace("Regards,", newSignatures[randomSig]);
}
}
})();
I swear to god, Crazyhorse is the Doper-whisperer. The moment she finds something that we keep whining about, rebelling against or just rallying for, she will find a script that should shut you the fuck up about it.
It used to give me the shits but recently I chided a guy at work for signing his emails with “Regards” and he responded by modifying it to “Warm Regards.”
It then occurred to me that I don’t really care all that much about the recipients of most of my work emails so I now sign mine with the totally honest:
With praise like this I had to make a version that works in all threads. (But I’m a he for the record)
Try this one - to make it simple this replaces any instance of “regards,” with a random signature from the list. (Notice I had to lowercase that word or it would be replaced in my own post)
It can be quite amusing depending on what you put in the list. This seems to work in all threads.
But be aware of an important consideration: if you replace the signature with some funny string, and then you quote that post, the quote will also include the funny string which would technically break the rule about editing inside quote boxes - so use it cautiously with that in mind.
// ==UserScript==
// @name Disregards
// @namespace Disregards
// @description Disregards
// @include http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/*
(function() {
var newSignatures =
[
// Add new signatures to the list in the format below.
// Signatures should be within quotes and each entry separated by commas
"I will always love you,",
"Of course I may very well be wrong,",
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts,",
"Until we meet again,"
];
var replacements, regex, key, textnodes, node, s;
replacements = {"I will always love you," : ""};
var numSigs = newSignatures.length;
var randomSig = Math.floor((Math.random()*numSigs));
regex = {};
for (key in replacements) {
regex[key] = new RegExp(key, 'g');
}
textnodes = document.evaluate( "//body//text()", document, null, XPathResult.UNORDERED_NODE_SNAPSHOT_TYPE, null);
for (var i = 0; i < textnodes.snapshotLength; i++) {
node = textnodes.snapshotItem(i);
s = node.data;
for (key in replacements) {
s = s.replace(regex[key], newSignatures[randomSig]);
}
node.data = s;
}
})();
Hah, and with that in mind I still left the script enabled when I posted this, and it edited the word “Regards” inside the script - here is the un-scriptified version.
// ==UserScript==
// @name Disregards
// @namespace Disregards
// @description Disregards
// @include http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/*
(function() {
var newSignatures =
[
// Add new signatures to the list in the format below.
// Signatures should be within quotes and each entry separated by commas
"I will always love you,",
"Of course I may very well be wrong,",
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts,",
"Until we meet again,"
];
var replacements, regex, key, textnodes, node, s;
replacements = {"Regards," : ""};
var numSigs = newSignatures.length;
var randomSig = Math.floor((Math.random()*numSigs));
regex = {};
for (key in replacements) {
regex[key] = new RegExp(key, 'g');
}
textnodes = document.evaluate( "//body//text()", document, null, XPathResult.UNORDERED_NODE_SNAPSHOT_TYPE, null);
for (var i = 0; i < textnodes.snapshotLength; i++) {
node = textnodes.snapshotItem(i);
s = node.data;
for (key in replacements) {
s = s.replace(regex[key], newSignatures[randomSig]);
}
node.data = s;
}
})();
Because it tends to turn into multi-page trainwrecks where a certain minority of Dopers claim [ul][li]“It’s only common courtesy for you to do whatever I tell you. If you don’t, that’s trolling!”[/li][li]“You post in ways I don’t like after I told I don’t like it. That’s trolling!”[/li][li]“You admitted you mean it sarcastically sometimes. That’s trolling!”[/li][li]“You know I don’t like it, so you are doing it just to piss me off. That’s trolling!”[/li][/ul]Etc.
Besides, it’s a done deal. The mods have ruled already.
Now, on with the nerd-gasms about scripting and punctuation and fart jokes in Spanish.
