He has parkinsons not dementia but then again this a good point.
I find a lot of the posts here very strange indeed in detail as they make some odd assumptions, but overall yes they have made me reconsider. In particular after giving it some thought I agree that the effect on him would be unpredictable and has considerable downside risk.
Thus for the time being I won’t be bringing up the subject.
I am still going to ask my mum though (and not my granny), but I am going to do that in person when I see her this weekend. It’s quite possible there’s some history I’m not aware of that would help.
If, IF, you must do so, please at least let it end there. Don’t go barging then to your uncle and tell him what you know. And be discreet about it. (As in, “Mom, I was just curious, is Uncle So and So gay? I mean, I’ve always wondered, ever since you hinted at it.”)
Tell your uncle you have a deep dark secret about yourself that you want to share. Something that other people, if they knew, might ridicule you and make fun of you if they ever found out. But it’s something you are proud of, or at least not ashamed of, and you just want to get it off of your chest.
Give him a moment before saying, “I enjoy eating my own facial hair.” Demonstrate it.
That should lighten the mood enough to get him to admit to anything!
Thats just your opinion and I think it is a greatly unfair one.
There is “I just gotta know if Uncle Bob has always been gay (because I am a damn busy body)”
And there is “I’d like to know if Uncle Bob has been gay all these years and has kept it a secret because I think he has a fear of people knowing. And me knowing his is gay and me telling him that it doesn’t matter to me might be a very great relief to him”.
How some of you folks here can’t see the difference between these two boggles my mind.
Agreed a thousandfold. NOBODY needs to know who is gay and who isn’t gay in the family tree.
What people who are close to drawing their last breaths DO need to know - especially for those generations who had little or no choice about declaring dependents and beneficiaries - is that there are folks here who are willing to see their wishes through.
Imagine what it may feel like to your uncle. He’s the same as any other person nearing the end of life…all we need to know is that 1) somebody cared about us and 2) somebody will follow my last wishes through. Very important, especially in those states who do not recognize gay marriage or civil unions.
Although my family never ran into problems, we did think and talk about what it could be like for my mom and her partner of 34 years, the possible legal conflicts in healthcare situations. If your Uncle has a friend or partner who he would like to name an an heir, he might need an ally or advocate. It may ease his mind if nothing else.
If “Uncle Bob” is afraid of people knowing he’s gay, Simple Linctus going to other members of the family behind his back and telling them that he thinks Uncle Bob is gay is probably not going to be the sort of thing that makes poor old Uncle Bob feel more comfortable about himself. It sounds more like a nightmare come true.
There’s also the possibility that Uncle Bob isn’t even gay. I wouldn’t expect an elderly heterosexual man in poor health to take it well when he discovers that people think he’s gay or that the family has been gossiping about it.
<looks at forum name> Yes, this was clearly my opinion of which I am certainly entitled.
I see the difference between your two statements. My fear is that there is little to be gained and a great deal to be lost for Simple Linctus and his uncle to continue on his/her quest to find out from the uncle and or another family member what his sexual preference is. To disrespect his uncle by gossiping behind his back to ask other family what their thoughts are is just rude. The uncle has made his choices clear. He doesn’t live in a vacuum. He is likely fully aware of the accepting nature of his nephew/niece. If he wanted anyone to know, he would have spoken up for himself.
I don’t see where anyone here has recommended that you continue your nosiness by involving other family members. A quick (and totally unreliable for all of you pedants out there) count of the replies here are almost 3 to 1 to MYOB and yet you proceed by saying that you will continue to keep the issue alive by asking other family members.
