:eek: The bad seed is going to be 17 when Opal’s kid goes to visit. No 17 year old is going to take time out of his day to harass some loser kid he barely knows when he could be hanging with his friends or attempting to get laid.
This all sounds like a big deal over nothing.
I was close friends with some of the ‘bad kids’ in high school, but didn’t get up to too much trouble myself (with the exception of dropping out of high school in the end). I was friends with drug addicts and yet straight-edge at the time, it happens. I was also friends with plenty of nerdy goody-two-shoes. Anyway, some of the nicest people I have known were in and out of juvie at that age, including my own dear sister, who has her problems but is a sweetheart 99% of the time. So I’m not assuming that the GF’s kid is some kind of sociopath, bullying delinquent. Obviously he has some issues, but to me, he’s fairly average based on the info we have. Could be a lovely person. Hell, he and your son could develop a close bond which would benefit both of them!
I don’t agree that denying visitation when your ex-with-custody is going to be running a meth lab is anywhere close denying or modifying visitation because the ex wants to create a blended family situation. Manufacturing drugs with kids in the house = never okay. Considering moving in with your SO, who has children, some of which may have behavioral problems, and expecting your son to be part of this new family = okay 95% of the time.
I do agree that Opal should have an honest discussion with the ex about her concerns, IF it becomes certain that the move-in is happening and the GF’s older son is still in the house (if he already hates school and keeps landing in juvie, he’ll probably get out of the house ASAP so his mom won’t bug him anymore). But language like ‘laying down the law’ and saying that based on the information we have, Opal’s son should only be allowed a weeks visitation at most and only under adult supervision - too aggressive for my taste.
That’s another good point. Frankly, I simply wouldn’t get involved in a situation like this - there are plenty of women in the world who don’t have a juvenile delinquent 16 year old son, an abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband, and three other kids. This sounds like exactly the kind of drama that never, ever ends.
Well, nothing I say is going to make him not continue to date her. He loves her and can’t say enough good things about her. On the plus side, the kid will be 18 in a couple of years and won’t be as in the picture as he is now.
Wow, well I hope I never end up "damaged goods’ because some asshole decides to batter me!
Yeah, because that’s exactly what she said. Come the fuck on. :rolleyes:
It’s more because they haven’t divorced yet. She isn’t fully separate from the abuser. And yes, other people do have a right to choose not to invite that into their lives.
In a similar situation, my personal choice would be not to date anyone else until I was free and clear of the bad situation. I have enough integrity not to allow my problems to become someone else’s problems. At least, not my pre-existing ones. Once you’re in, all new problems are ours to share. 
I met the girlfriend this weekend and really liked her. I hope things work out with her oldest son, because I think she and Rob are a good couple.
When I was single, I wouldn’t date someone who had kids, or smoked, or drank too much, or did drugs, or was too religious; everyone judges everyone else all the time.
Good luck!
I think things will be fine. Things can change a lot in a year when we are talking about teens, and your son might get to the maturity that he’s lacking well before this could become an issues.