Should I buy this girl this dress or not?

In My Humble Opinion
1

What’s up my homies,
Let me explain. No no, there is no time for that. Let me sum up. (hi-five to anyone who gets the reference.)

I speak fluent Japanese, and lately I’ve been hitting the international penpal/dating/social scene very hard. I’m chatting up a lot of girls with various results.

This one girl in particular though, we have a fantastic connection. We talk everyday on the webcam for maybe two hours on average. We talk about anything and we smile and laugh all the time. We have not done anything naughty, but we do often flirt. She has seen me shirtless often, and I have seen her in her pajamas. She has seen me drunk and she claims not to mind one bit. She says I’m a very fun person. It’s a very tense-in-a-good-way type of relationship. She has offered to let me live in her house this summer in her spare bedroom, and I am seriously considering it. “As friends,” of course. There’s that ‘tension’ again.

So, her birthday is coming up in a month. I want to give her a great present. Something that represents how I want to make her feel like a princess. It’s not love yet, but I always like to treat my current romance target well. We are not online dating yet either, because we think it’s too fast, but the desire is definitely there.

In any case, I found this dress. It’s 300 bucks, which is a lot for a dress, however this sun-dress is amazing. It’s brown, pure silk, with white flower embroiderie all over. I took a pic on my cellphone so I can upload it later if people want to see. Anyway, it’s not see-through but it’s not perfectly opaque. It’s sexy in a very very classy way. The breast part even has a strap where you can adjust how much cleavage you want to show. I’m not big on style, but this is one awesome sun-dress.

I want to buy it for her, but I’m afraid of what her reaction will be. Maybe it will seem too serious and frighten her? We have done and talked about a lot of things, so I think she will love it; however, I’m scared never-the-less of what she will think.

If you were a woman in a similar situation, what would you think? How would you react? Would you be turned off? Help me out :frowning:
Your homeboy,
John

2

IMHO that’s too expensive a gift for a girl you’re not yet dating. Now, if you were to begin dating her within the next month… :slight_smile:

Seriously, though, if you buy it and you’re not dating her, there are two plausible not so good outcomes: A. she finds out how much it costs and becomes suspicious of your motives for buying such an expensive gift. B. she doesn’t find out because you never tell her and she either doesn’t appreciate it much or doesn’t end up being someone you date, either of which would lead to resentment that you blew $300 on a dress. It could work out well, but it might not.

3

I just want to know how you “find” dresses and what makes them “amazing” and “awesome” :stuck_out_tongue: Wait, there is a point to my statement.

As a son, husband and father who has been on hundreds of incredibly painful dress hunts, it is very difficult for some women/girls to find a dress that they like, and they know their own taste better than anyone (not to mention that they are there with the dresses in front of them and that they get to try them on). Yeah, sure after being together for 11 years (wife) or helping create her (daughter), I can kinda sort of pick out of an array something that they may be interested in wearing. However, it would be a major miracle for me to try to find something that they like (as a suprise with no input from them) that looks good to them when they actually put it on.

A dress is a tough thing to buy for any woman without their direct input, much less a girl you don’t know that well. I say pick some other gift other than clothes.

4

C. She finds herself a nice US sugardaddy in you, and a big hulking Japanese husband at home.

5

Good Gawd No!

I don’t know the man who is brave enough to buy clothes for a woman that he barely knows. While I’m sure it’s beautiful and would look fantastic on her, I would run, not walk, away from a $300 dress purchase. (1) It’s too much to spend, and (2) clothing is far to personal to assume you could purchase a tee shirt that she’d like let alone a $300 garment.

6

Nothing to add to help you predictament, I just wanted to say that there is a doper by the name ofInigo Montoyathat should get a hi five.

7

If you really think you two are hitting it off and are going to become a couple sometime soon, and you can afford to buy the dress comfortably, buy it…

Just don’t give it to her for at least a couple of months after you’re an item.

If you buy it, and nothing becomes of you two, you can either:
A) Return the dress
or
b) Learn a very valuable lesson.

Your call.

8

What she said. An article of clothing is much, much too personal a gift unless you are engaged or all but engaged. Maybe, MAYBE you can buy her a tshirt if you know she likes and wears tshirts, if it’s something that she wouldn’t be able to get locally. A sexy expensive article of clothing says “I expect you to hop in the sack with me immediately”.

9

As you might already know, since you are fluent in Japanese. The Japanese LOVE to give gifts. It’s a natural, everyday, often ritualized behavior. If you want a gift you need to be sure to give a gift. That said, $300 is a buttload of money to be spending on your first gift. If, as you say, you are both approaching the relationship slowly, you just might scare her away.

I would suggest you get something smaller, something American and by all means get something “cute.” The reasoning 1) small is less intimidating, she won’t think you’re expecting anything from her and when she gets you a present in return, she won’t have to go overboard, 2) the Japanese worship everything American (exaggeration, generalization obviously,) 3) I’ve never known of a Japanese girl who didn’t love anything cute. That will set the proper tone for the beginning of your relationship. Light, affectionate and thoughtful.

If you eventually travel to Japan, make sure you bring gifts for everybody.

10

Wait, is this like those dating sim games? Aren’t you supposed to start with things like the cd’s and teddy bears before you move up to the clothes shopping?

11

If - and I repeat if - you have the money to waste, go ahead and buy the dress. But do not under any circumstances give it to her now.

After you have been married one year, you may give her the dress.

12

Hell no.

  1. I remember you mentioning in your pit thread that you don’t have enough money to move out of home. If you can’t afford to move out of a situation you hate you can’t afford to buy expensive gifts for girls you aren’t dating.

  2. Clothing is a very personal thing and some people are very picky about what they wear. If you buy a dress that she doesn’t really like she’ll feel guilty for not liking it and you’ll be upset that she doesn’t wear it.

  3. Some clothes look gorgeous on the rack but not so great on. Most of the time when I’ve seen something great, I’ve been disappointed with how it looked on me.

13

Em, it sounds like you’re looking for a classy way to buy her lingerie for her to model for you on the webcam. Sorry, but if any guy brought me a present and said, wide eyed, “Look, you can adjust the clevage!” I’d have to wonder who the present was for.

I just call it like I see it.

14

!. Apparel, of any kind, is an inappropriate gift for a woman your just getting to know.
2. You cannot buy affection.
3. Do not live beyond your means, meet your financial responsibilities before you consider spending money on luxuries.
4. Relationships are built on personal interaction, not on materialistic indulgences.

15

As Montgomery0 pointed out, the Japanese have different expectations when it comes to gift giving. Don’t buy it.

16

Wow, not a single reply in the affirmative. For better or for worse, I trust Dopers more than myself when it comes to The Ladies, so I am calling this case closed.

I guess I should be thankful that you all collectively saved me 300$ plus tax! So, thanks! Oh, and not ruining the budding relationship and what-not too, of course.

17

I know it’s none of my business but I just got to ask:
What the heck do you expect to get out of a relationship of a girl who lives half way across the word?
Also, whats wrong with the girls in your own neighborhood?

18

Ditto. It couldn’t be more inappropriate. Pour gasoline on this idea and strike a match.

19

Besides the problems with not knowing her taste in clothing, there’s also the issue of fit. Womens’ bodies are more variable in shape than mens’, and womens’ clothing sizes are less standardized. This adds up to a pain in the ass even when she’s picking out her own stuff in person. The only reason I know this is because of occasional service as a pack mule at the mall. A dozen items on hangars can be something of a challenge to carry.

20

Save your money and go to Japan to experience the country. Of course, ask her to be your guide or travel companion. Bring her something unique from the Orlando (your location I assume) area. Maybe she likes Disney. Good luck!